1089 (22C) NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! REVISITED 32

22C
2002
As Mom's interest hasn't wained, I continue with: 
*Our minds are bombarded with mixed messages, everywhere we go.  That's why clarity, leading toward change-for-the-better, occurs one insight at a time."

“So, how do you separate real pride from 'false pride’?”
*“Well—pride describes a self assured sense of satisfaction, based in success, whereas false pride describes insecurity, hiding a sense of failure behind a screen.  *False pride is my ego’s shield.  *False pride marches out on it's own at those times when my persona, masking subconscious insecurity, grabs control over my brain, and denial suggests all is fine when it's not.  *When an emotion like fear or anger hides behind a self protetive shield, tension zings back and forth across a room.  In short, everyone senses pretense in the air, but rather than mustering the courage to open Pandora's Box, each person's persona 'acts' as though all is well while tip toeing around the elephant in the room  Then, in order to level the playing field, each persona 'views' the other person’s traits as darker or weaker than one's own.  As long as the mind believes this pretense (distortion of deeper truth) to be true, guess which part of the brain is controlling our trains of thoughts?”

At this point, Mom is quiet, and with furrowed brow, she ponders the brain's complexities.

As for me, my mind has tired of processing aloud, so I rest my wagging tongue and brain, which left on its own, muses back in time to the weeks leading up to my brain surgery, when the upside of my persona stepped in front of my anxiety, so I wouldn't scare myself half to death while lying in bed, hour after hour, waiting for the day when the neurosurgeon would literally open my head and take an in depth look at that which is self destructive inside—and now that I think about it, that's exactly what an astute therapist does without benefit of an anesthesiologist, scalpel, sutures and a recovery room filled with nurses, trained to ensure that I'm okay before discharging me to take good care of myself.
Within a few minutes, I grow aware of the fact that Mom's wheels are still turning when she asks:

“Annie, I just don’t understand how you sit a defense system in a time out chair.  I mean, your defense system is as much a part of you as your heart and lungs.  Can you stop your heart from beating or yourself from breathing?”

Laughingly, I reply:  Well, Mom, I can't stop my heart from beating or feeling, but, just as I can maintain conscious control over my breath, I can control my emotional reactiveness.  Think about it, Mom, when we're in public, we maintain emotional control, right?  So, here’s how I maintain control over reactions that prove egocentric in nature:  My ego, defense mechanisms and false pride, all of which define my persona, emerge as one.  It's this part of my brain that fools me into believing that I don't feel what I do feel subconsciously.  It's my defense system that blows so much smoke as to fog up my sense of clarity.  In order to stay true to my whole self at times when tension, born of conflict, arises, I concentrate solely on the problem at hand by charging the most intelligent part of my brain to consciously understand that which is causing inner conflict to divide my think tank in half.  Most usually, it's fear, frustration or anger that fogs up my mind.  Knowing that to be true, I take time out, to ensure that intelligence, rather than fear, makes my decisions.  As a double dose of tension messes up the free flow of positively focused conflict resolution, I work to identify the source of my confusion, and upon gaining insight into that which is fogging up my mind, clarity calms my tension, spontaneously.  Making good use of time out as a mind-calming technique is as important for the adult brain as is true for kids—and with practice, I've empowered my intelligence to tower over my ego instead of allowing my fear-driven ego to tower over others, whose insecurities may be cowering behind a facade of bravado—which serves to describe the persona.  As soon as I'm aware of that which has aroused my ire or fear, I can step back to reconsider the delemma before consciously calling upon courage to step over fear of pain or rejection so that intelligent thought feels free to seek solutions, again.  Generally speaking that works for me unless my persona is denying me access to an emotion, which is so deeply repressed that my defense system fools my intelligence into believing that the depth of a natural passion has cooled when in truth, reactiveness lies in wait to leap out and knock off my mask—again and again.

Each time two egos call upon their personas to repress their impassioned energy exchange, a double dose of false pride takes center stage; tension rises and humility takes a hike.  When we muster humility to sit our egos in time out, our masks slide off, exposing the vulnerability inherent in honest emotion, which pours forth so naturally as to free our hearts to seek solutions that offer sound reason to rejoice in soulful connection, at last.  Balance that free flow of emotion with logical thought and watch a plan shape up that calls upon self discipline to resolve a long-standing conflict, which otherwise remains repressed inside both minds for all time.  If it's true that egos need taming and personas need unmasking, and if the only ego I can unmask and tame is my own then common sense suggests taking time-out-on-the-spot in hopes of releasing humility to cut the bull shavings in half.  Then, in hopes of negotiating a win/win, I think of the other person as a teammate, rather than an opponent.  In short, the only defense system I can learn to control is my own.  Mom, think about Grandma Ella.  Her defense system was huge.”
“That’s for sure!”

“The size of Grandma’s ego made it impossible for her to admit to making any mistakes.  Since she always had to be 110% right, most of the conflicts in the house revolved around Grandma’s need to prove any opposing opinion as 110% wrong.  If Grandma’s false pride couldn’t admit to making mistakes then she couldn’t approach anyone, whom she may have hurt or insulted, to say, ‘I’m sorry’, later.  Even if every instinct inside Grandma had wanted to apologize … a mind, which has developed such a powerful ego, can't find the key to open the door where insight into the healing nature of humility, resides.  Any humility Grandma may have felt remained imprisoned behind the mask of her persona.  Grandma’s persona was like that false front, which hid the vulnerabilities of the Wizard of Oz.  She sure didn't take her feisty self out in public, did she?  But she did let it loose when she was home with all of us.  *Whereas a true sense of pride suggests self confident steps leading toward mind expansion, preceding personal growth, false pride wallows in painful denial of any sense of narrow mindedness or failure to cooperate.  The persona, believing that all sense of blame in terms of causing pain is placed on 'the other guy', designates victims and villains.  Then, as it's classic for observers to make snap judgments, we turn into Hatfields and McCoys by taking sides.  If the bent of an opposing attitude remains negatively focused—over long—that pinpoints the primary reason why anxiety can rattle the bonds of a closely knit friendship until intimacy comes undone.  In the end—attitude really is everything, suggesting why we need to identify subconscious attitudes of insecurity or perfectionism, which narrows our scope, thus blinding our noodles from recognizing those times when we're blindly pushing joy away unnecessarily rather than seeking solutions that offer us brand new opportunities to embrace joy, wholeheartedly …”