As you know, I've had reason to think a lot about anxiety and guilt, both of which proved to be driving forces in that one or the other or both influenced many of my decisions for this reason: My peace of mind had grown dependent upon my ability to satisfy the needs of others, suggesting that in order to bring a quick end to conflict, I'd unknowingly silenced every existential need of my own. Why? Because a subconscious fear of invisibility became deeply imprinted in my mind after Grandpa and Janet died, and as I couldn't win a smile for an interminable length of time, my self confidence shrunk, and I failed to thrive—however—as I'd been the sun, moon and stars to everyone in my family before the grim reaper knocked at our door, my survival instincts found a way to win back those smiles … and presto-chango a first class pleaser was born.
If you think I knew this train of thought was going to chug out of my mind upon awakening and reaching for my iPad on my night stand at 6AM, please think again, because intuitive thought, which comes from someplace deep within, began to pen today's post one word at a time without my conscious mind having a clue as to which word would appear next on my screen.
Recently, I had reason to discuss anxiety and guilt with Cary, who offered this string of insights to me:
A healthy degree of anxiety, based in guilt is healthy for this reason: Anxiety and guilt caution us to maintain a sense of self disciplined control over impassioned reactions, which might otherwise compel us to leap blindly off cliffs..
A healthy degree of guilt inspires us to be mindful of others while planning how best to satisfy existential needs, which prove highly personal in nature
A healthy degree of guilt inspires us to make good use of intelligence when we feel a strong need to release and express emotions, which, for one reason or another, had been repressed during childhood. In short, a certain degree of guilt reminds us to satisfy our needs without going hog wild.
Healthy degrees of anxiety and guilt serve a positive purpose by reminding us to figure out how to satisfy highly personal needs in a responsible, self disciplined manner.
Anxiety and guilt get out of control when attitudes, concerning right and wrong, remain so black or white that our grey matter forgets to respect personal needs which differ from the needs of others.
Anxiety and guilt get out of control when a black or white attitude fails to contemplate the wide spectrum of choices, separating selfishness from selflessness, which are polar opposites.
Anxiety and guilt are out of control when fear blinds to this fact: With clarity and careful planning, we can direct our intelligence to achieve realistic, heartfelt goals, which make our spirits sing with joy—suggesting that though we can't have it all, we sure can brainstorm until we come close.
When anxiety and guilt run amuck at the same time, simple plans, based in emotional intelligence, go unseen.
As that proves true for everyone at one time or another, two heads are better than one when we make good use of our brains to encourage each other to balance emotion with consciencious thought, which allows us to reach for the stars while remaining well grounded. Each time two smart heads choose to brainstorm through conflict, we set our sights on creating simple plans of action based in achieving realistic conscientious results..
Once Cary helped me to understand healthy portions of anxiety and guilt vs those times when I send myself on undeserved guilt trips—this change took place inside my mind: I came to see my need to rein in runaway guilt, which otherwise blinds me to figuring out how to satisfy my needs in an intelligent, self disciplined manner.
Though indulging in preworry had once been one of my self-defeating traits, today, I've gained insight into relaxing runaway anxiety by consciously employing logic to tame emotional combustion, which is exactly what runaway anxiety proves to be.
In order to rein in anxious tension while raising my sons, I charged my intelligence with creating simple plans of action, which consider needs all around. And at those times when my old pattern of inner conflict sends me on a guilt trip that blinds me from seeing a simple solution to a complex problem, I take a time out until my connection to logic reminds me of this fact: History shows me to be a really good person, who has decided to accept guilt trips as signals to make good use of logic to re-evaluate how best to satisfy my existential needs without berating myself so harshly for not being selfless. Upon taking time out until anxiety (fight, freeze or flee) calms down, I remind myself to employ insight into 'balance in all things'. And once my mind engages in solution seeking, again, I can responsibly re-energize my spirit by directing my intelligence to brainstorm toward creating a simple plan that satisfies an existential need without guilting myself selfish.
As life grows shorter day by day, insight into deepening my sense of self trust saves me from guilting myself as selfish when I am not.
Amazing how good it feels when my strong sense of intuition is validated during sessions of therapy.
On the other hand, when my therapist does not agree with me, I choose to listen carefully to that which Cary feels the need to say in hopes of embracing an insight, which proves so astute as to inspire me to consider a self depreciating attitude, lumbering around within my subconscious, that stirs up inner conflict, which, once again, separates me from enjoying peace of mind.
In case you'd like to ask Annie:
If your thought processor has rebalanced, why are you still in therapy? I'd reply:
Having lived with guilt and anxiety, invading peace of mind for most of my life, I still find myself in need of validation and that will be true until my sense of self trust has soaked more deeply into my think tank than the mix of 'shoulds and should nots', which brainwashed me into a hypnotic state of submission every time those I loved frowned, thus pushing my button, which compelled me to deny my needs in favor of meeting theirs. As frowns had cast my sense of logic to the winds as recently as earlier this year, intuition suggests that I've not yet developed the degree of self trust necessary to remove the training wheels from my mind. In addition to that insight into this phase of my personal growth, there's that secret I keep from myself, which still has the power to send shivers up and down my spine. Once I feel empowered to own that secret, no ghost-like presence will scare me into feeling haunted, hunted, anxious, undeservedly guilty of wrong doing—and perhaps, that's when my training wheels will evaporate into thin air …
In order to rein in anxious tension while raising my sons, I charged my intelligence with creating simple plans of action, which consider needs all around. And at those times when my old pattern of inner conflict sends me on a guilt trip that blinds me from seeing a simple solution to a complex problem, I take a time out until my connection to logic reminds me of this fact: History shows me to be a really good person, who has decided to accept guilt trips as signals to make good use of logic to re-evaluate how best to satisfy my existential needs without berating myself so harshly for not being selfless. Upon taking time out until anxiety (fight, freeze or flee) calms down, I remind myself to employ insight into 'balance in all things'. And once my mind engages in solution seeking, again, I can responsibly re-energize my spirit by directing my intelligence to brainstorm toward creating a simple plan that satisfies an existential need without guilting myself selfish.
As life grows shorter day by day, insight into deepening my sense of self trust saves me from guilting myself as selfish when I am not.
Amazing how good it feels when my strong sense of intuition is validated during sessions of therapy.
On the other hand, when my therapist does not agree with me, I choose to listen carefully to that which Cary feels the need to say in hopes of embracing an insight, which proves so astute as to inspire me to consider a self depreciating attitude, lumbering around within my subconscious, that stirs up inner conflict, which, once again, separates me from enjoying peace of mind.
In case you'd like to ask Annie:
If your thought processor has rebalanced, why are you still in therapy? I'd reply:
Having lived with guilt and anxiety, invading peace of mind for most of my life, I still find myself in need of validation and that will be true until my sense of self trust has soaked more deeply into my think tank than the mix of 'shoulds and should nots', which brainwashed me into a hypnotic state of submission every time those I loved frowned, thus pushing my button, which compelled me to deny my needs in favor of meeting theirs. As frowns had cast my sense of logic to the winds as recently as earlier this year, intuition suggests that I've not yet developed the degree of self trust necessary to remove the training wheels from my mind. In addition to that insight into this phase of my personal growth, there's that secret I keep from myself, which still has the power to send shivers up and down my spine. Once I feel empowered to own that secret, no ghost-like presence will scare me into feeling haunted, hunted, anxious, undeservedly guilty of wrong doing—and perhaps, that's when my training wheels will evaporate into thin air …
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