2002
On that day when we'd sat, side by side, swinging on my patio, staring up at 'my' mountain rising high in the sky, I was held spellbound when the voice of Mom's memory revealed this part of our story to me:
"One day, I arose from my bed and caught a look at you trailing after me and seeing how sad you looked, it dawned on me that, before Janet, our entire world had revolved around you. As I knelt down and gathered you into my arms—you clung to me—and I realized how much you must have missed me ... needed me. Gradually, because of that, I willed my spirit back to life."
As that's not the case in every home
I was a fortunate child
I know of instances when in the aftermath of tragic loss
The spirit depresses never to resuscitate its joie de vive
Little by little, joy returned to our lives
And as children commonly take cues from their parents
My spirit bounced up …
My joyful adventure through life resumed
And all seemed well—except for one thing …
For some mysterious reason, that itch refused to quit …
Suggesting there's lots more to this story
Which has yet to be revealed …
2014
At this very moment
I'm sitting in the radiologist's waiting room, and
While writing on my iPad, Dr Phil has been on the tv
He's just declared for the thousandth time that
Children have a unique way of believing themselves responsible for
Anything that goes wrong in the family
Children, who grow up with no clue of feeling plagued by subliminal guilt
Carry a heavy sense of wrong doing into adulthood unless
Fate offers reason to embark upon a life changing adventure into self discovery …
It's a fact that from one stage to the next personal needs change as we age
It's also a fact that each day is the first day of the rest of your life, suggesting that
It's never too late to reprocess a decision that caused your spirit to flag at half mast
On the other hand
If readiness to identify vulnerabilities to which you've been blind is not yet ripe
Your wall of denial may be in need of Joshua's horn before it so much as cracks
If you choose to hold my hand while my stories unfold then, perhaps, one day
You, like me, may feel inspired to slice through your wall of denial and find
Much to your astonished relief, a stash of sublimated guilt invading inner peace
And what, I ask could feel better than
Exchanging a life time of undeserved guilt for a sense of inner peace that
Expands your comfort zone enough to satisfy your personal needs …
While raising my kids
There were times when
I demanded too much of them, and so ...
Upon reflection
I'd hold them close and say:
My first thought was not my best thought
As of late, reflection suggests it's high time to
Lighten up and liberate another good person from undeserved guilt—and
That would be me …
Suggesting there's lots more to this story
Which has yet to be revealed …
2014
At this very moment
I'm sitting in the radiologist's waiting room, and
While writing on my iPad, Dr Phil has been on the tv
He's just declared for the thousandth time that
Children have a unique way of believing themselves responsible for
Anything that goes wrong in the family
Children, who grow up with no clue of feeling plagued by subliminal guilt
Carry a heavy sense of wrong doing into adulthood unless
Fate offers reason to embark upon a life changing adventure into self discovery …
It's a fact that from one stage to the next personal needs change as we age
It's also a fact that each day is the first day of the rest of your life, suggesting that
It's never too late to reprocess a decision that caused your spirit to flag at half mast
On the other hand
If readiness to identify vulnerabilities to which you've been blind is not yet ripe
Your wall of denial may be in need of Joshua's horn before it so much as cracks
If you choose to hold my hand while my stories unfold then, perhaps, one day
You, like me, may feel inspired to slice through your wall of denial and find
Much to your astonished relief, a stash of sublimated guilt invading inner peace
And what, I ask could feel better than
Exchanging a life time of undeserved guilt for a sense of inner peace that
Expands your comfort zone enough to satisfy your personal needs …
While raising my kids
There were times when
I demanded too much of them, and so ...
Upon reflection
I'd hold them close and say:
My first thought was not my best thought
As of late, reflection suggests it's high time to
Lighten up and liberate another good person from undeserved guilt—and
That would be me …
No comments:
Post a Comment