What if I'd forgotten to remember
Grandma and her broom?
What if I'd forgotten to remember
Billy cavorting like a lunatic on our front lawn?
What if my self image had absorbed so many beatings on that bus
That my self esteem had developed this problem:
It had become my unconscious habit to put myself down
What if, having perceived myself as unattractive
I'd never entertained so much as one thought
To this possibility until Billy popped out of my memory bank
Several posts back:
Billy might have had a 'thing for me' ...
During those years when my mind had been busy
Putting myself down
It could not occur to me
That when Grandma had chased Billy down the street ...
Swinging her broom in a threatening way
She may have sensed something about Billy's shenanigans
That my darkened self perceptions had thoroughly blocked out
Just as
I'd perceived Billy as silly
I'd perceived Joseph as hateful
I'd perceived myself as outcast
Having perceived myself as social pariah
My perceptions had been driven by fear
If F-E-A-R and insecurity are one and the same then
Insecurity is a relationship killer on the loose in the dark
Who gives you anxiety?
No one gives anyone anxiety.
Anxiety arises from within.
Anxiety signals us that danger may be lurking quite near.
However, what if that near and present danger, which we 'sense', has been lurking within the subconscious sides of our minds?
What may result when subconscious signals of danger confuse today's positive experiences with yesterday's terrifying events?
What if signals of danger arise from within one's psyche whenever new experiences feel remotely similar to memories, which had caused your emotional development to dive into a deep freeze?
If Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder is known to freeze the development of a child's mind within a terrorized place, how might that child, too young to fathom the complexities of the dark side of human nature, be freed from suffering the ill effects, thrust upon the psyche at such a vulnerable time of life?
As all who suffer from PTSD
Are in need of astute, supportive, positively focused guidance ...
I am your friend
I want to hold your hand
If this post arouses anxiety within you ...
Trust me to tunnel, courageously with you
Away from yesterday's dark gloom of fear
Toward today's transparent sense of clarity.
Whereas insecurity
Blinds us to love
Clarity bonds love with love
Clarity doth not exist in the dark
Please accept my invitation
To muster the courage to hold my hand
So together
We may tunnel toward the light
Did I see Joseph as he was?
Or as I feared?
Did I see Billy as he was
Or as I'd thought?
Do I know beyond a shadow of a doubt
Whether the coal-mining kisser
Had been Joseph, Billy, or perhaps ...
Someone else?
It comes clear that
All too often
We assume
To know that which we do not
As the brain is hardwired
To mistake assumptions for facts
We'd be wise to identify and question our assumptions
More often than we do
Though some mysteries may seem easily solved, puzzle pieces, which do not fit solidly, here or there, rattle round inside our minds for quite some time.
Perhaps I'll run into Joseph or Billy, some day. If so, I'll ask questions.
Then, I'll say sorry for batting you away when, in truth, I'd embraced your kiss. I'll say sorry that Grandma chased you down the street with a broom.
I'll eagerly offer up the gift of transparency, because in lieu of insecurity, I have no reason to hide.
If Joseph or Billy turns up, recognizes me, hears me out, and then looks at me quizzically, because neither has any memory of that which I speak, so be it.
Below you'll find three of the most important points that I've ever made in any post, published thus far:
Embracing my vulnerability is one of my greatest strengths.
I have no fear of tunneling into the dark side toward the light.
I am not afraid to expand the narrow focus of my perceptions
Thank goodness, I've worked to develop
Inner strengths, which allow me to
Embrace both sides of my traits.
Upon embracing both sides of myself as a whole
I grasp a deeper understanding of my past mistakes
With depth in comprehensive clarity comes inner peace
Each time I muster the courage necessary
To develop inner strengths
My perceptions of the past expand
As I accept personal vulnerabilities
Which had caused me to make mistakes in judgment
I work consciously to forgive the vulnerabilities of others
As human vulnerabilities fling mistakes, back and forth
Courage, humility and generosity of spirit enable two people
To welcome love, holding hands
On the other hand
Common sense suggests standing back
When the defensive reactions of others strike out.
Strike one! Strike two! Strike three!
Watch me retreat to a peaceful place—until
We can pitch each other the truth, straight on
Please do not expect me to ride a train of thought
That circles round and round
The same negatively focused track—clickety clack
Negatively focused tracks
Go nowhere fast—
Again and again
Though I've looked for Joseph at every high school reunion, I think to know why he's not showed up, as of yet. I'd stopped spying him in the halls way before we'd graduated, and I know his family had continued to live down the block from my house past high school, past college, past my years of teaching fifth grade. I know this for a fact because I'd often waved hello upon seeing his mother, outside. Once I saw Joseph on crutches. And during the Viet Nam War, I'd spied a military flag, which had been hung in the window of their front door. As for Billy, I'd not thought to seek him out until—today.
Though I'm eager for KISS AGAIN to pull into the station where high school's unexpected adventures await to unfold—who knows what my mind will choose to write when I sit down to post in the tomorrows, yet to unfold.
Though many lightsabers are locked up deep inside, only the shadow mind knows which trains of thought may feel the need to pop out of hidden tunnels within my head—clickety-clack ... :-)
Grandma and her broom?
What if I'd forgotten to remember
Billy cavorting like a lunatic on our front lawn?
What if my self image had absorbed so many beatings on that bus
That my self esteem had developed this problem:
It had become my unconscious habit to put myself down
What if, having perceived myself as unattractive
I'd never entertained so much as one thought
To this possibility until Billy popped out of my memory bank
Several posts back:
Billy might have had a 'thing for me' ...
During those years when my mind had been busy
Putting myself down
It could not occur to me
That when Grandma had chased Billy down the street ...
Swinging her broom in a threatening way
She may have sensed something about Billy's shenanigans
That my darkened self perceptions had thoroughly blocked out
Just as
I'd perceived Billy as silly
I'd perceived Joseph as hateful
I'd perceived myself as outcast
Having perceived myself as social pariah
My perceptions had been driven by fear
If F-E-A-R and insecurity are one and the same then
Insecurity is a relationship killer on the loose in the dark
Who gives you anxiety?
No one gives anyone anxiety.
Anxiety arises from within.
Anxiety signals us that danger may be lurking quite near.
However, what if that near and present danger, which we 'sense', has been lurking within the subconscious sides of our minds?
What may result when subconscious signals of danger confuse today's positive experiences with yesterday's terrifying events?
What if signals of danger arise from within one's psyche whenever new experiences feel remotely similar to memories, which had caused your emotional development to dive into a deep freeze?
If Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder is known to freeze the development of a child's mind within a terrorized place, how might that child, too young to fathom the complexities of the dark side of human nature, be freed from suffering the ill effects, thrust upon the psyche at such a vulnerable time of life?
As all who suffer from PTSD
Are in need of astute, supportive, positively focused guidance ...
I am your friend
I want to hold your hand
If this post arouses anxiety within you ...
Trust me to tunnel, courageously with you
Away from yesterday's dark gloom of fear
Toward today's transparent sense of clarity.
Whereas insecurity
Blinds us to love
Clarity bonds love with love
Clarity doth not exist in the dark
Please accept my invitation
To muster the courage to hold my hand
So together
We may tunnel toward the light
Did I see Joseph as he was?
Or as I feared?
Did I see Billy as he was
Or as I'd thought?
Do I know beyond a shadow of a doubt
Whether the coal-mining kisser
Had been Joseph, Billy, or perhaps ...
Someone else?
It comes clear that
All too often
We assume
To know that which we do not
As the brain is hardwired
To mistake assumptions for facts
We'd be wise to identify and question our assumptions
More often than we do
Though some mysteries may seem easily solved, puzzle pieces, which do not fit solidly, here or there, rattle round inside our minds for quite some time.
Perhaps I'll run into Joseph or Billy, some day. If so, I'll ask questions.
Then, I'll say sorry for batting you away when, in truth, I'd embraced your kiss. I'll say sorry that Grandma chased you down the street with a broom.
I'll eagerly offer up the gift of transparency, because in lieu of insecurity, I have no reason to hide.
If Joseph or Billy turns up, recognizes me, hears me out, and then looks at me quizzically, because neither has any memory of that which I speak, so be it.
Below you'll find three of the most important points that I've ever made in any post, published thus far:
Embracing my vulnerability is one of my greatest strengths.
I have no fear of tunneling into the dark side toward the light.
I am not afraid to expand the narrow focus of my perceptions
Thank goodness, I've worked to develop
Inner strengths, which allow me to
Embrace both sides of my traits.
Upon embracing both sides of myself as a whole
I grasp a deeper understanding of my past mistakes
With depth in comprehensive clarity comes inner peace
Each time I muster the courage necessary
To develop inner strengths
My perceptions of the past expand
As I accept personal vulnerabilities
Which had caused me to make mistakes in judgment
I work consciously to forgive the vulnerabilities of others
As human vulnerabilities fling mistakes, back and forth
Courage, humility and generosity of spirit enable two people
To welcome love, holding hands
On the other hand
Common sense suggests standing back
When the defensive reactions of others strike out.
Strike one! Strike two! Strike three!
Watch me retreat to a peaceful place—until
We can pitch each other the truth, straight on
Please do not expect me to ride a train of thought
That circles round and round
The same negatively focused track—clickety clack
Negatively focused tracks
Go nowhere fast—
Again and again
Though I've looked for Joseph at every high school reunion, I think to know why he's not showed up, as of yet. I'd stopped spying him in the halls way before we'd graduated, and I know his family had continued to live down the block from my house past high school, past college, past my years of teaching fifth grade. I know this for a fact because I'd often waved hello upon seeing his mother, outside. Once I saw Joseph on crutches. And during the Viet Nam War, I'd spied a military flag, which had been hung in the window of their front door. As for Billy, I'd not thought to seek him out until—today.
Though I'm eager for KISS AGAIN to pull into the station where high school's unexpected adventures await to unfold—who knows what my mind will choose to write when I sit down to post in the tomorrows, yet to unfold.
Though many lightsabers are locked up deep inside, only the shadow mind knows which trains of thought may feel the need to pop out of hidden tunnels within my head—clickety-clack ... :-)
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