I don't remember when Joseph showed up again.
I just remember that he did.
This time
While I'm flooding with anxiety inside my house
Joseph must tire of standing, whistling, in the alley ...
Hoping that I'll come out
Because he's about to make
An unprecedented move...
While standing, feet glued to the living room rug
I don't think to ask myself what I'm afraid of
I don't think to ask why I can't breathe
I don't think he's going to physically hurt me
So why didn't I ask myself what I fear?
Why didn't I ask why can't I breathe?
Why? Because decades will pass
Before I learn that
Anxiety causes the network
Inside the Neo cortex to break down
Causing thinking with clarity
To become an impossibility
So while standing anxiously rooted in place
Inside my house
I continue to listen to
Joseph whistling in the alley
Signaling me—
To come out, come out wherever I am
And where am I?
I am frozen—
Lost in confusion's hazy maze
This maze is not of Joseph's making
This maze is due to subconscious fear
Squeezing my thought processor in its clutch
This maze is due to insecurity
Blocking my sensitivity from 'seeing'
That this twelve year old boy
Doth not mean to harm me
This twelve year old boy ... my closest friend
Wants to hold my hand—make amends ...
When defensive patterns
Dominate our thoughts
Subconscious fear causes loving friendships
To march toward heart wrenching deaths
The fact that Joseph
Returns in search of me
More than once
Suggests to a clear thinking mind
That my friend hopes for another chance
At budding romance
Unfortunately
Anxiety blocks all sense of logic
And as clarity is blinded by fear (of what?)
I can not see that
Joseph's hopes and mine
Are one and the same
Unfortunately
Fear (of what?)
Makes me miss this fact as well:
Each time Joseph 'shows up'
He calls upon courage
Which I can not muster
Unfortunately
Twelve year olds
Rarely have the maturity
To confront
The surprising nature of
Prepubescent passion
Fortunately
I've come to see that
This inability to discuss defensive outbursts of passion
Without re-igniting each other's fearful hot spots
Is the reason why adult relationships
Flounder about darkly, as well
Unfortunately
At twelve
Insecurity
Refuses to free me
To respond trustfully
To Joseph's next move ...
Which will take place
While I, flooding with anxiety
Can do no more than
Stand behind the living room drapes
Peeking out of our picture window
Tears cascading, forlornly, down my face ...
I just remember that he did.
This time
While I'm flooding with anxiety inside my house
Joseph must tire of standing, whistling, in the alley ...
Hoping that I'll come out
Because he's about to make
An unprecedented move...
While standing, feet glued to the living room rug
I don't think to ask myself what I'm afraid of
I don't think to ask why I can't breathe
I don't think he's going to physically hurt me
So why didn't I ask myself what I fear?
Why didn't I ask why can't I breathe?
Why? Because decades will pass
Before I learn that
Anxiety causes the network
Inside the Neo cortex to break down
Causing thinking with clarity
To become an impossibility
So while standing anxiously rooted in place
Inside my house
I continue to listen to
Joseph whistling in the alley
Signaling me—
To come out, come out wherever I am
And where am I?
I am frozen—
Lost in confusion's hazy maze
This maze is not of Joseph's making
This maze is due to subconscious fear
Squeezing my thought processor in its clutch
This maze is due to insecurity
Blocking my sensitivity from 'seeing'
That this twelve year old boy
Doth not mean to harm me
This twelve year old boy ... my closest friend
Wants to hold my hand—make amends ...
When defensive patterns
Dominate our thoughts
The mind turns into a maze of mysterious paths
Why? Because ...
Subconscious fear causes loving friendships
To march toward heart wrenching deaths
The fact that Joseph
Returns in search of me
More than once
Suggests to a clear thinking mind
That my friend hopes for another chance
At budding romance
Unfortunately
Anxiety blocks all sense of logic
And as clarity is blinded by fear (of what?)
I can not see that
Joseph's hopes and mine
Are one and the same
Unfortunately
Fear (of what?)
Makes me miss this fact as well:
Each time Joseph 'shows up'
He calls upon courage
Which I can not muster
Unfortunately
Twelve year olds
Rarely have the maturity
To confront
The surprising nature of
Prepubescent passion
Fortunately
I've come to see that
This inability to discuss defensive outbursts of passion
Without re-igniting each other's fearful hot spots
Is the reason why adult relationships
Flounder about darkly, as well
Unfortunately
At twelve
Insecurity
Refuses to free me
To respond trustfully
To Joseph's next move ...
Which will take place
While I, flooding with anxiety
Can do no more than
Stand behind the living room drapes
Peeking out of our picture window
Tears cascading, forlornly, down my face ...
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