2014
*Common sense suggests that the thought processing portion of a child's mind is like a collection of files, stored in the hard drive of a computer, whose memory has been programmed by authority figures.
The child asks why. The adult answers with personal opinion. Being that the child's mind is a highly impressionable, clean slate, the authority's opinion is written into the child's memory as fact. Be good or Santa won't come.
Once, when I found a set of teeth in a glass of water, Grandma told me they were my father's. OMG! If you don't brush your teeth, they really do fall out! Then, when mine began to fall out, I was told that a fairy, resembling Tinker-bell, flew in while I was asleep, and since this fairy, who collects teeth and leaves money under my pillow, is a good fairy, I'm confused, because I thought teeth falling out was not good. Then, when I'm told that new teeth will replace the old, I feel relieved to have received more information than I had before. Boy! Grown ups sure know how to mixup kids!
As to Santa, remember that post, which described Barry's reaction when his kindergarten friends convinced him that I was wrong ... That Santa is as real as you and me. Remember Barry asked me this question while I was tucking him in on Christmas Eve: Mommy, who told Santa I'm Jewish? If you ask: Who authorized Barry's opinion to feel like fact, I'd reply: Peer pressure. No doubt about it. With time, Barry, Steven and David grew up to be a trio of strong men, who'd developed the self confidence necessary to think for themselves, express their opinions and stand up to authority figures with self respect intact. Where did they learn to practice thinking for themselves? With me. At home.
If, once we grow up, parent tapes emerge whenever we speak, authority has not encouraged our minds to problem-solve by respectfully discussing both sides of a conflict. Peace in this family depends upon following this rule: Think my way or it's the highway for you.
In my opinion, one of life's greatest challenges emerges when, as adults, we consciously work to retrain our brains(which had been programmed by authority figures to respond robotically) to think for ourselves. Once that feat has been achieved, we open our mouths and speak freely as unique individuals rather than remaining our parents' clones.
Need I say that when a pleaser changes in ways, which prove as dynamic as experience played out for me, the placid flow of the river hits an unmapped set of rapids, where the undertow of subtle power struggles causes boats to rock, thus unseating each person's sense of safety in deeply personal ways ...
As those in authority are known to make mistakes in judgment, portions of each child's mind will be programmed with emotional glitches, which cause our think tanks to 'malfunction' in one way or another. *Since mistakes in judgment pass from one generation to the next, dysfunctional perceptions may be mistaken for 'God's honest truth'.
Having gained insight into the fact that much of what feels 'right' or 'wrong' is absorbed during childhood, I decided to quest toward deeper truth by listening attentively each time my little voice of intuition whispers into my ear. Upon listening attentively, I began to discern when my little voice of reason was based in personal experience vs those times when a little voice of guilt was whispering parent tapes into my ear. With time spent in introspective reflection, I grew to be more intuitive than robotic, and that difference has made all the difference in terms of training my think tank to think for myself, for real. As to absolving myself from undeserved guilt ... Well, insight into the emergence of subconscious guilt did not relieve my mind of anxious reactions until fairly recently ...
During moments fraught with inner conflict, I've gained insight into this fact: Experiential intuition argues back and forth with subconscious parent tapes. In short, during recent years, experience offered me sound reason to re-raise myself to consider choices more expansively, simulating the manner in which I chose to raise my kids, having packed my brain with the voices of countless psychologists, who had authored self help books, which my sense of intuition compelled me to read.
The child asks why. The adult answers with personal opinion. Being that the child's mind is a highly impressionable, clean slate, the authority's opinion is written into the child's memory as fact. Be good or Santa won't come.
Once, when I found a set of teeth in a glass of water, Grandma told me they were my father's. OMG! If you don't brush your teeth, they really do fall out! Then, when mine began to fall out, I was told that a fairy, resembling Tinker-bell, flew in while I was asleep, and since this fairy, who collects teeth and leaves money under my pillow, is a good fairy, I'm confused, because I thought teeth falling out was not good. Then, when I'm told that new teeth will replace the old, I feel relieved to have received more information than I had before. Boy! Grown ups sure know how to mixup kids!
As to Santa, remember that post, which described Barry's reaction when his kindergarten friends convinced him that I was wrong ... That Santa is as real as you and me. Remember Barry asked me this question while I was tucking him in on Christmas Eve: Mommy, who told Santa I'm Jewish? If you ask: Who authorized Barry's opinion to feel like fact, I'd reply: Peer pressure. No doubt about it. With time, Barry, Steven and David grew up to be a trio of strong men, who'd developed the self confidence necessary to think for themselves, express their opinions and stand up to authority figures with self respect intact. Where did they learn to practice thinking for themselves? With me. At home.
If, once we grow up, parent tapes emerge whenever we speak, authority has not encouraged our minds to problem-solve by respectfully discussing both sides of a conflict. Peace in this family depends upon following this rule: Think my way or it's the highway for you.
In my opinion, one of life's greatest challenges emerges when, as adults, we consciously work to retrain our brains(which had been programmed by authority figures to respond robotically) to think for ourselves. Once that feat has been achieved, we open our mouths and speak freely as unique individuals rather than remaining our parents' clones.
Need I say that when a pleaser changes in ways, which prove as dynamic as experience played out for me, the placid flow of the river hits an unmapped set of rapids, where the undertow of subtle power struggles causes boats to rock, thus unseating each person's sense of safety in deeply personal ways ...
As those in authority are known to make mistakes in judgment, portions of each child's mind will be programmed with emotional glitches, which cause our think tanks to 'malfunction' in one way or another. *Since mistakes in judgment pass from one generation to the next, dysfunctional perceptions may be mistaken for 'God's honest truth'.
Having gained insight into the fact that much of what feels 'right' or 'wrong' is absorbed during childhood, I decided to quest toward deeper truth by listening attentively each time my little voice of intuition whispers into my ear. Upon listening attentively, I began to discern when my little voice of reason was based in personal experience vs those times when a little voice of guilt was whispering parent tapes into my ear. With time spent in introspective reflection, I grew to be more intuitive than robotic, and that difference has made all the difference in terms of training my think tank to think for myself, for real. As to absolving myself from undeserved guilt ... Well, insight into the emergence of subconscious guilt did not relieve my mind of anxious reactions until fairly recently ...
During moments fraught with inner conflict, I've gained insight into this fact: Experiential intuition argues back and forth with subconscious parent tapes. In short, during recent years, experience offered me sound reason to re-raise myself to consider choices more expansively, simulating the manner in which I chose to raise my kids, having packed my brain with the voices of countless psychologists, who had authored self help books, which my sense of intuition compelled me to read.
*Since the same brain, which houses our thought processing abilities, is responsible for releasing emotional tension, which proves explosive when suppressed, it's easy to see how a flash of mental confusion may be likened to a malfunctioning hard drive when too many files, fly open, all at once. As soon as a cacophony of interrelated misperceptions storm around inside our brains, a sense of confounding confusion releases adrenalin, which pumps through our central nervous systems, signaling the brain's defense system to shut down an over taxed thought processor, just like our computers freeze up.
Once the thought processor closes up shop, the human brain, as a whole, retreats from the maddening throng (like a rabbit disappearing into a hole) or it leaps into fight-for-survival mode, like a charging bull, seeing red in the ring. For some reason, Mother Nature did not gift bunny or bull with a Neo cortex, which has a built in potential to calm down and think smart.
As the depth to which we each choose to develop our processors is a matter of personal choice, a babe in arms is on one end of the spectrum, while Einstein (who, baffled his parents by choosing not to speak until the age of seven) exists on the other.
Speaking from experience, a mind suffering exhaustion retreats into a safe cave—such as the privacy of one's bedroom—where in need of rest, the tense mind feels free to unwind—while generosity of spirit, free of put downs, generates the kindest kind of unconditional love until emotional and mental energy refuels..
Once the covers had been intuitively pulled over my head, I had no choice other than to give in to the reality that my think tank had need to retune. In short, I'd grown too wearied with worry to work toward injecting clarity into the brains of any think tank that remained solidly ensconced behind denial's walls. And thus did Ms. Motormouth think to grow quiet without turning the fluid nature of my free-flowing faucet of loving concern for family and friends off. Why not? Because intuition kept whispering that to love, naturally, whole heartedly, mindfully is to heal the wounds of the soul ...
Speaking from personal experience, when my marriage broke down, my mind needed to shut the door to confusion, exacerbated by the barrage of judgmental put downs that rained down upon my exhausted head,. The impact of those put downs were compounded by inner conflict, due to parental tapes, which gave me no peace. And thus did my need for silence and solitude clearly signal the world to leave me rest in peace. Why 'rest in peace'? Because my spirit had consciously absorbed such an unfathomable depth of sadness that I felt more dead than alive. And thus, if solitude is possible, may I respectfully suggest that you give the deeply confounded mind a rest in a peaceful place where, one day, your rested mind may sense the subtle nature of a power struggle, raging beneath the surface of one deeply valued relationship or another, and once intuition begins to whisper of your existential need to free yourself of submission, a sense of rebellion will emerge from the depths of a world-class pleaser's free thinking soul ...
Once the exhausted mind seeks safe haven, separate from conflict, the main root of a power struggle may be identified, and when that 's the case, a thought processor, which connects with common sense, will refuse to engage in a passive aggressive game, which flings this pretense back and forth: 'Something's wrong with you, not me'.
At this point in my life, my thought processor recites this mantra: "Fool yourself if you must, but once I have your number, you'll not fool me, again, no matter how subtle your double entendres prove to be." Once I muster the humility to see where I was in denial—I can see where I'd blindly engaged in a power struggle so subtle as to have remained undetected for years.
Upon recognizing the unconscious part I'd played in feeding a power struggle, I came to see periodic tune ups as vital to the good health of my brain. And in addition to that, I decided to map out a path independent of those who continue to play this game, which proves self defeating, all around: I Win You Lose. In short, a mind skilled in fine tuning itself develops a sense of clarity concerning when to drive in the car pool lane and when to take the high road, rather than getting stuck, honking my horn when emotional traffic jams pile up.
As the herding instinct causes traffic jams to pile up, it’s never a cinch to keep every deeply valued relationship stabilized, all at once. And thus do I open my hood and work to rewire brain glitches that cause my motor to stall, or my brakes to fail, or my engine to rev, such as is the case when my scope remains too limited to get into the driver's seat and take myself to a peaceful place that inspires my spirit to soar.
My brain is not a one way street. My brain is a map, attached to an updated GPS. Though there are many ways to get from here to a personal goal that proves beyond my reach, my mind is more likely to drive straight toward my heart's desire, without hitting dead ends or getting lost, along the way when I pay mind to my Line of Control.
Once the thought processor closes up shop, the human brain, as a whole, retreats from the maddening throng (like a rabbit disappearing into a hole) or it leaps into fight-for-survival mode, like a charging bull, seeing red in the ring. For some reason, Mother Nature did not gift bunny or bull with a Neo cortex, which has a built in potential to calm down and think smart.
As the depth to which we each choose to develop our processors is a matter of personal choice, a babe in arms is on one end of the spectrum, while Einstein (who, baffled his parents by choosing not to speak until the age of seven) exists on the other.
Speaking from experience, a mind suffering exhaustion retreats into a safe cave—such as the privacy of one's bedroom—where in need of rest, the tense mind feels free to unwind—while generosity of spirit, free of put downs, generates the kindest kind of unconditional love until emotional and mental energy refuels..
Once the covers had been intuitively pulled over my head, I had no choice other than to give in to the reality that my think tank had need to retune. In short, I'd grown too wearied with worry to work toward injecting clarity into the brains of any think tank that remained solidly ensconced behind denial's walls. And thus did Ms. Motormouth think to grow quiet without turning the fluid nature of my free-flowing faucet of loving concern for family and friends off. Why not? Because intuition kept whispering that to love, naturally, whole heartedly, mindfully is to heal the wounds of the soul ...
Speaking from personal experience, when my marriage broke down, my mind needed to shut the door to confusion, exacerbated by the barrage of judgmental put downs that rained down upon my exhausted head,. The impact of those put downs were compounded by inner conflict, due to parental tapes, which gave me no peace. And thus did my need for silence and solitude clearly signal the world to leave me rest in peace. Why 'rest in peace'? Because my spirit had consciously absorbed such an unfathomable depth of sadness that I felt more dead than alive. And thus, if solitude is possible, may I respectfully suggest that you give the deeply confounded mind a rest in a peaceful place where, one day, your rested mind may sense the subtle nature of a power struggle, raging beneath the surface of one deeply valued relationship or another, and once intuition begins to whisper of your existential need to free yourself of submission, a sense of rebellion will emerge from the depths of a world-class pleaser's free thinking soul ...
Once the exhausted mind seeks safe haven, separate from conflict, the main root of a power struggle may be identified, and when that 's the case, a thought processor, which connects with common sense, will refuse to engage in a passive aggressive game, which flings this pretense back and forth: 'Something's wrong with you, not me'.
At this point in my life, my thought processor recites this mantra: "Fool yourself if you must, but once I have your number, you'll not fool me, again, no matter how subtle your double entendres prove to be." Once I muster the humility to see where I was in denial—I can see where I'd blindly engaged in a power struggle so subtle as to have remained undetected for years.
Upon recognizing the unconscious part I'd played in feeding a power struggle, I came to see periodic tune ups as vital to the good health of my brain. And in addition to that, I decided to map out a path independent of those who continue to play this game, which proves self defeating, all around: I Win You Lose. In short, a mind skilled in fine tuning itself develops a sense of clarity concerning when to drive in the car pool lane and when to take the high road, rather than getting stuck, honking my horn when emotional traffic jams pile up.
As the herding instinct causes traffic jams to pile up, it’s never a cinch to keep every deeply valued relationship stabilized, all at once. And thus do I open my hood and work to rewire brain glitches that cause my motor to stall, or my brakes to fail, or my engine to rev, such as is the case when my scope remains too limited to get into the driver's seat and take myself to a peaceful place that inspires my spirit to soar.
My brain is not a one way street. My brain is a map, attached to an updated GPS. Though there are many ways to get from here to a personal goal that proves beyond my reach, my mind is more likely to drive straight toward my heart's desire, without hitting dead ends or getting lost, along the way when I pay mind to my Line of Control.
Though I'd once thought that love inspires doors to open in brains encased in solid walls, now the only naive, little song bird I work to free of denial is the one, caged, inside of me. That doesn't mean I've given up on connecting with loved ones in deeply meaningful ways. It means I no longer knock my head painfully against doorless, windowless walls. Open a window of opportunity to reconnect, meaningfully; watch me fly in, eager to express the fact that I've never stopped hugging you close. Fluidity suggests my growing ever more true to myself by openly embracing the sum of my personality parts, which comprise both sides of my whole.
2002
"Annie, most people are not as analytical as you. Where did this passion for figuring yourself out come from?"
Chuckling at the truth, I reply: The more I learn about the intricate complexities of the brain the more fascinated I become to learn more.
2014
In answering Mom, I offered my mother a less technical dissertation than the one you just read in this post. As we'd spent some part of every day taking solace from each other's company during the first two years after Dad died, our friendship enjoyed peace of mind. Then, as infinitesimal changes began to take place, differentiating my needs from Mom's, unforeseeable change began to invade inner peace on both sides ...
When power struggles prove so subtle as to go undetected
Life grows more confounding by the minute ...
In 2002, I had no clue how relevant our conversation, while swinging in tandem, would, one day, prove to be for Mom and me ...
Life grows more confounding by the minute ...
In 2002, I had no clue how relevant our conversation, while swinging in tandem, would, one day, prove to be for Mom and me ...
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