1116 (45) NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! REVISITED 61

45
2002

Swinging … “Though aware of how much my tongue wags, there are so many things I feel the need to say.  Why?  Because I hope to connect with people, worldwide, who want to douse fearsome flames of frustration, which fry our nerves, deep inside.”

“Isn’t that what everyone wants, Annie?”

“Yes, Mom.  But what we want and what needs to be done to awaken firefighters, snoozing inside each one's sense of logic at those times when peace of mind goes up in flames, are not the same.  Experience has made me aware of what happens when our brains feel so alarmed as to close our eyes to why we self defeat in certain aspects of life, repeatedly.  In keeping with mustering the courage to open our eyes to acknowledging emotions, repressed subconsciously, I’ll ask readers to consider these questions, carefully:

·       Is it true that good things come to people who wait, or do good things come as a result of working conscientiously toward achieving heartfelt goals?

·      Isn't it true that wisdom whispers from one generation to the next in hopes that every one of us will seriously consider questions, concerning self-awareness, such as these:

·       Mustn't we grow aware of those times when denial whitewashes our thoughts, words, and actions as well as the thoughts, words and actions of those whom we choose to protect while we darken the thoughts, words and actions of those with whom we're in conflict?

·       How often has your injured ego called upon denial to project your own darker traits upon the messenger, who delivers deeper truth? 

·       If attitude is everything then have you considered which of your attitudes may cause certain relationships to barrel downhill?

·      Can you tell when you're being too hard on yourself?  Now, flip that coin and consider how often you may be too hard on others.

·      Why do darkened attitudes cause us to be harder on certain people than on others?

·       For what reason might certain attitudes darken up?

·      Is it possible that negative attitudes, which darken our perceptions, direct us to take good care of one person, while heaping judgments on another, who has clearly, urgently and repeatedly asked for help to no avail—for years?

·      Is a true friend one who always agrees with your stance or is a true friend one whose courage expresses perceptive insights into deeper truths, honeyed with compassionate kindness?

·      What may result if your defense system blocks, dismisses and refuses to consider any perception that confronts painful truths, which flood your mind with anxiety?

·      As little pitchers with big ears learn by way of 'monkey see—monkey do', ‘monkey hear—monkey say’, wouldn’t it be great if children in need of guidance watched role models, working to heighten levels of emotional maturity during each stage of life?

·      How great would it be to see little monkey faces mimicking whatever we say and do while we're rebalancing self-defeating traits?

·      Won’t children be more apt to perceive of time out as a calming technique if they watch adults, who are close to losing their tempers, taking time out, too?  (Countless times my kids have heard me say:  I need a time out to calm my mind, and when both of our minds stop reeling out of control, we'll sit down and problem solve, logically [rather than tearing each other down, disrespectfully].)

 “Annie, how many adults do you think will work at all that?”

“In yesterday's world—where values suggested children be seen, not heard?  Not many.  Today?  A lot!  Mom, we live in a world where kids have been known to take parents to court!  In today's world, a trip to the woodshed is considered abusive—physically and emotionally—and rightfully so.  We can raise tomorrow's leaders to feel fearfully, resentfully obedient to traditional rules of thumb or to grow up feeling thoughtfully and compassionately cooperative.  Each time I sit down to write, my mind reaches out to THE SELF HELP GENERATION.  In fact, if you stop to think about it, none of this is new to me.  For more than thirty years, I’ve been facilitating workshops and seminars—concerning brain-storming techniques, which encourage adults to deepen their understanding of solution-seeking logic, thus providing each person in a family—from three to 103—with objective, three-step, sanity-saving, problem-solving plans that prove tried and true.

Though it's been deeply rewarding to have passed along insights, concerning mindfulness during conflict resolution, with thousands of participants, who have chosen to attend my classes, seminars and workshops or have read my articles, now, I'm working to connect with millions, who feel eager to soak in wisdom found in self-help books—such as EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, PASSIONATE MARRIAGE, CHILDREN THE CHALLENGE, HOW TO DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE.

*Once every person in a family learns how to calm anxiety—before emotion balloons into full blown, temper tantrums, exploding over every head that expresses a different point of view—conflicts seem less daunting; consequences provide us with logical solutions based in common sense, and LIFE grows more sane.  Who in their right mind can argue with reasoning as sound as that?  Now that everything I've absorbed over the past forty years is pervasive throughout the media, the time is ripe to actively cast my problem solving plans into the air and see where they land.”

"So, if people with open minds are reading what you've read then what do you plan to write that's not already been written?"

"Wow!  That's a great question, Mom!  First of all, many consequences that emerge from my mind fall in line with my sense of humor.  So, there's a lot more laughing, listening and head scratching while solving conflicts than yelling, crying and slamming doors in our house.  The consequences I've conjured up proved so creative that my kids were never grounded.  Except for once, when they chose to ground each other.  And that proved funny, too.

Secondly, I plan to address this problem:  *Though the human mind yearns for knowledge, which is readily available, few have free time, money or energy to enroll in classes, plough through a library of self-help books and seek out counseling—though all three forms of help may be needed when life gets tough.  Years ago, while raising my family, I taught part time at the college and wrote articles, every other month.  As working part time is not an option for many parents, today, most of the people I meet are too exhausted to go to class or pour over self help books after making dinner, helping with homework, reading bedtime stories, and getting kids tucked into bed—hopefully before ten, each night.  As for grocery shopping, driving car pools from one activity to another, straightening the house, doing errands and laundry, and far too many daily chores to list, well—knowing how exhaustive life can be, today, I figure it this way:  By injecting insights, concerning self awareness, into our family saga, I can weave summaries of wisdom, passed down through the ages, into one story after another.  And perhaps, thoughts of absorbing snippets of wisdom, laced throughout each story line, will seem less tiresome than glancing at self help books, which tend to pile up and go unread, collecting dust on a shelf, thus adding to the daily guilt trip that grows into a giant burden, lumbering around inside our minds, like another unfed monster, biting chunks out of our peace of mind.”

“So, do you hope that while reading insights, tucked into your stories, others will feel motivated to make changes for the better?”

“That's another astute question, Mom.  *In truth, I hope to inspire friends, I've yet to meet, to resuscitate hopes of their own.  *Hope often serves as the last shred of rope that lassos two hearts together.  When the last thread of hope snaps on both sides, both spirits slump, and commonly, all sense of heartfelt connection is severed, at last.  Once the pilot light is extinguished, all hope of rekindling a flame may be lost, forever."

"Wait a minute ... I thought you were suggesting logical methods for dousing fires not kindling flames."

Ha! Good one, Mom.  Guess I'd respond by saying:  There are two sides to everything.  *In fact, I wonder how many people consider the ways in which early life experiences influence certain character traits to exaggerate while other traits repressed.  For example, let’s say that a traumatic experience is intellectually identified.  *If identifying a trauma to the mind is as significant as identifying physical trauma then the state of a person’s well being may depend upon identifying the main source of subconscious pain, which has been shoved under the rug and numbed up, over time.  When physical pain goes unrelieved, illness worsens.  The same is true with emotional pain that remains unresolved.  *Unknowingly, our defense systems compensate for emotional pain in strange ways.  Since unrelieved pain persists behind the mask of the persona, pull the rug out from under a person's persona and watch blame spray all over everyone who's not in denial about that which the person, who's howling in pain, can not openly confront.  *I wonder how many understand that the persona is the mask we wear so as not to see ourselves as we truly are.”

“Well, you know what 'they' say about let sleeping dogs lie.”

“Yes.  However, what if the name of that sleeping dog is Subconscious Pain?  I mean, if we're lying to ourselves about how deeply we feel then we can't help but lie to others, as well.  I mean, what if our trusty defense system rebuilds that persona as fast as it can, thus causing us to look for others to blame for our pain ... ?  How far might the defense system go to stretch the truth into something it is not?  How often doth a really stubborn persona 'kill the messenger' (Whoosh!  Did you catch the spirit of Socrates, flying by?) who holds up a 5X mirror, which shows us to be as flawed as most others—causing our defense systems to reinvent history, repeatedly?

*If I had to pinpoint one of the most important days of my life, I'd choose the day when I consciously committed to making better use of my intelligence by developing deeper levels of emotional maturity for as long as I live.  In short, I set my sights on growing into the person I already believe myself to be. If my plan is to consciously absorb wisdom then my mind must graciously invite humility to welcome constructive criticism.  And in this way, I come to see where my narrow perceptions are in need of expanding toward a more objective perspective.”

“Okay, Annie. Now I'm confused.  I've never thought of your perceptions as narrow.  And, if your mind is open to learning, doesn't that suggest humility? What makes you think it's necessary to develop traits that are already yours?  And what do you mean by 'growing into the person you think yourself to be?  What makes you so interested in learning about how your brain works?” ...

Well ... If everything that takes place inside my brain directs each step of my path then I need to ensure that my think tank takes me where I most want to go ... And I see the combination of positive focus and knowledge as ... self energizing fuel ...