2002
Swinging ...
As Mom's head shakes vigorously in agreement, I respond, "Life is divided into four seasons for good reason—and though youth may be smart, smart is not wise when the voice of knowledge, 'seasoned' with experience, is ignored."
“And how! So, tell me, Annie, how did a normal, little girl grow up to be so analytical?”
“Actually, I think it began with two English teachers, one in high school and one in college. Both emphasized the importance of seeking deeper meaning in literature, concerning the grand scope of life.
Throughout my adult years, I’ve been fascinated by the impact that metaphor and symbolism have on our minds. In fact it’s rare to see me reading without a highlighter in hand. In hopes of hooking up with analytical minds, I’ve organized several book groups. And by now, I guess you could say that while reading for pleasure, deeper meaning seems to leap off each page in 3D.
Throughout my adult years, I’ve been fascinated by the impact that metaphor and symbolism have on our minds. In fact it’s rare to see me reading without a highlighter in hand. In hopes of hooking up with analytical minds, I’ve organized several book groups. And by now, I guess you could say that while reading for pleasure, deeper meaning seems to leap off each page in 3D.
After graduating from college, I loved teaching other people’s children so much that I thought motherhood would feel like a cool breeze on a sunny day. Needless to say, two situations that seem alike on the surface are often as dissimilar as they can be! *I learned that ANY relationship, which feels like a sunny day, can unexpectedly whip itself into a wind storm of devastating proportions once a 'mild' power struggle has reason to blow up into an uncontrolled gale. (Have you read the posts entitled FIRST KISS?) This line of reasoning proves true when misunderstandings and unresolved power struggles, shoved under rugs, intensify within the structure of family dynamics. Dynamic is synonymous with change ...
It's often been said that parents can't discipline and befriend their kids. I disagree. By way of blending creativity, compassion and skillful communications, I figured my way toward disciplining with positive focus and good humor intact, suggestive of challenging myself to guide my sons in a child-friendly manner. Ample examples in stories down the road.
It's often been said that parents can't discipline and befriend their kids. I disagree. By way of blending creativity, compassion and skillful communications, I figured my way toward disciplining with positive focus and good humor intact, suggestive of challenging myself to guide my sons in a child-friendly manner. Ample examples in stories down the road.
Thank goodness, one of my neighbors introduced me to the theories of Rudolph Dreikurs, who wrote CHILDREN THE CHALLENGE, early in my parenting career. As I practiced one suggestion after another, each of which described a step by step approach, leading toward peaceful conflict resolution between parent and child—and as each suggestion proved successful with my preschoolers at home—well—I was hooked.
As that first book in my self help library opened a door in mind, where instant gratification achieved goal after goal, I felt inspired to absorb as much information, concerning positive discipline, as my mind could soak in, and as each additional morsel of knowledge expanded my mind with techniques concerning cooperative methodology the more inquisitive I became. With time, I transformed from enthusiastic absorber to motivational speaker, whose enthusiastic approach to creating simple plans, serving the betterment of all, caught on wherever the director of the parenting program asked me to conduct a seminar or workshop, next. As problem solvers call upon the analytical portion of the brain's thought processing center, that portion of my brain got a good workout on a regular basis. And though practice does not make perfect, practice does create a high success rate, over time.
In fact, when some tell me that I’ve grown too analytical, I reply, ‘Growing is the right word, because I wasn’t born this way. Spurred on by heightened levels of success while leading my kids and then my classes to freely embrace skillful negotiating techniques, much of what I continue to read suggests that changes in attitude culminate in personal success, more often than not. Each time I pull patience out of my pocket, I reap this reward: While working to deepen my connection to analytical thought, puzzling situations cycle through my mind until bigger pictures shape up, allowing me to see how x led to y, which led to z.
One day a flash of insight illuminated this discovery for me: Training my brain to compute heightened levels of emotional intelligence equates with training the brain to compute complex problems, associated with higher mathematics! With that insight in mind, I've worked to develop the confidence to figure my way out of emotional mazes, which create traffic jams, where mindsets get stuck in ruts, which grow more negatively focused as horns blow, wheels spin, and hot air swirls into smoke screens, all to no avail, for this reason: As long as mindsets remain divisive, due to the fact that defensive attitudes exacerbate traffic jams, each will hold the other responsible for recreating the problem, when, insight into deeper truth, concerning both sides of human nature, suggests that everything gets better or worse, but nothing stays the same. As 'everything' is inclusive of attitudes that create or destroy lasting friendships, both sides must call upon humility to look deep inside to see how both egos drive their power struggle forward, causing each attempt to reconnect in whole/some ways to self destruct.
Time and again, personal strengths such as patience, positive focus and compassion prove necessary when everyone's concentration is so deeply mired in blaming others for each next traffic jam that no one pays any mind to me, holding up signs that clearly spell out: This way to exit ramp, open highway leading toward conflict resolution, directly ahead.
Today, I've come to understand why solitude on Walden Pond proved essential to Thoreau's peace of mind. When surrounded by the maddening throng, it's impossible to think deeply enough (clearly enough) to recognize the egocentric nature of self-defeating patterns, which cause our think tanks to buck up against the same problems, repeatedly.
*Once I decided to sweep old ghosts, lurching around inside dark pockets of my mind, out into the open, I stopped breathing life into the pretense that I'd 'gotten over' something, when, in truth, all I succeeded in doing was to shove a heart rending unhappiness under the rug. When any emotion is shoved under the rug, over long, passive aggressive reactions to repression can't help but skulk around deep inside. And now you know why I stay clear of the carpool lane in favor of driving my mind toward creating personal experiences, which offer up a greater sense of inner peace than had been possible when I'd tried to herd naysayers into my free flowing lane before readiness to leave power struggling behind was theirs. Whew! Thank God, insight into making that change (for the better) proved to be mine for the taking as soon as the pleaser in me gained insight into releasing subconscious fears of loneliness, lurking behind denial's walls.
As that first book in my self help library opened a door in mind, where instant gratification achieved goal after goal, I felt inspired to absorb as much information, concerning positive discipline, as my mind could soak in, and as each additional morsel of knowledge expanded my mind with techniques concerning cooperative methodology the more inquisitive I became. With time, I transformed from enthusiastic absorber to motivational speaker, whose enthusiastic approach to creating simple plans, serving the betterment of all, caught on wherever the director of the parenting program asked me to conduct a seminar or workshop, next. As problem solvers call upon the analytical portion of the brain's thought processing center, that portion of my brain got a good workout on a regular basis. And though practice does not make perfect, practice does create a high success rate, over time.
In fact, when some tell me that I’ve grown too analytical, I reply, ‘Growing is the right word, because I wasn’t born this way. Spurred on by heightened levels of success while leading my kids and then my classes to freely embrace skillful negotiating techniques, much of what I continue to read suggests that changes in attitude culminate in personal success, more often than not. Each time I pull patience out of my pocket, I reap this reward: While working to deepen my connection to analytical thought, puzzling situations cycle through my mind until bigger pictures shape up, allowing me to see how x led to y, which led to z.
One day a flash of insight illuminated this discovery for me: Training my brain to compute heightened levels of emotional intelligence equates with training the brain to compute complex problems, associated with higher mathematics! With that insight in mind, I've worked to develop the confidence to figure my way out of emotional mazes, which create traffic jams, where mindsets get stuck in ruts, which grow more negatively focused as horns blow, wheels spin, and hot air swirls into smoke screens, all to no avail, for this reason: As long as mindsets remain divisive, due to the fact that defensive attitudes exacerbate traffic jams, each will hold the other responsible for recreating the problem, when, insight into deeper truth, concerning both sides of human nature, suggests that everything gets better or worse, but nothing stays the same. As 'everything' is inclusive of attitudes that create or destroy lasting friendships, both sides must call upon humility to look deep inside to see how both egos drive their power struggle forward, causing each attempt to reconnect in whole/some ways to self destruct.
Time and again, personal strengths such as patience, positive focus and compassion prove necessary when everyone's concentration is so deeply mired in blaming others for each next traffic jam that no one pays any mind to me, holding up signs that clearly spell out: This way to exit ramp, open highway leading toward conflict resolution, directly ahead.
Today, I've come to understand why solitude on Walden Pond proved essential to Thoreau's peace of mind. When surrounded by the maddening throng, it's impossible to think deeply enough (clearly enough) to recognize the egocentric nature of self-defeating patterns, which cause our think tanks to buck up against the same problems, repeatedly.
*Once I decided to sweep old ghosts, lurching around inside dark pockets of my mind, out into the open, I stopped breathing life into the pretense that I'd 'gotten over' something, when, in truth, all I succeeded in doing was to shove a heart rending unhappiness under the rug. When any emotion is shoved under the rug, over long, passive aggressive reactions to repression can't help but skulk around deep inside. And now you know why I stay clear of the carpool lane in favor of driving my mind toward creating personal experiences, which offer up a greater sense of inner peace than had been possible when I'd tried to herd naysayers into my free flowing lane before readiness to leave power struggling behind was theirs. Whew! Thank God, insight into making that change (for the better) proved to be mine for the taking as soon as the pleaser in me gained insight into releasing subconscious fears of loneliness, lurking behind denial's walls.
"What good does it do to release those old feelings , Annie?"
"Well, I come to know more about myself, Mom. Think of Socrates: When he said, ‘Know thyself’, I believe the sage had meant to say: 'People of Athens—heed my words! If you walk through life, blind to latent insecurities, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, misperceptions and unmet needs, you’ll suffer unnecessary head on collisions, break ups, or breakdowns, because your trains of thought will continue to chug through dark tunnels of your minds where secrets that you keep from yourself will force you to crash into dead ends, and if your loco/motive drives your life force to crash, too often, into doorless, windowless, solid, brick walls ... you'll never end up where your spirit feels so free as to leap over naysayers, follow your heart and jump with joy over being true to your whole self, at long last!
Then, pausing to let that train of thought sink in, Socrates would inhale deeply before continuing with: If LIFE is to offer up a free flow of ideas back and forth then the narrow confines of each mind must expand—but here’s the rub: The older we get, the more challenged we feel about changing old habits and reconsidering traditional beliefs, which make us feel safe. If we are to preserve our nation's strengths, I implore you to join me in mustering the courage to sit on our egos, summon humility, and take long, honest looks into our mirrors—right now!'
Being a guy, Socrates tried to say all of that in two words ... Know thyself.
Perhaps this sage (whose orations, concerning disambiguation, rang out between 436-401 B.C.) had hoped that after his first two words soaked in, he'd gain the full attention of his peers. However, much to his dismay—a room full of impatient tribunes rose up and drowned out the voice of wisdom as each shouted aloud, 'Enough rhetoric, already! The ayes have it!' And with a raise of hands, the messenger of bad tidings was sentenced to die!
By way of this tragic travesty of justice, the sage—whose thoughts had considered the welfare of all—met with such an untimely, disrespected death, that those responsible for his demise could not know that his spirit would live on to fly through cyberspace from one generation to the next, whispering, 'Know thyself,' into the ears of truth seekers, who sit and write and post or stand on soap boxes, in hopes that the wisdom of Socrates may flow freely from ear to ear until, some day, analytical thought is absorbed into our daily lives, home by home, round the world, every day. At every age, life can feel fluid or our spirits can dam up."
Then, pausing to let that train of thought sink in, Socrates would inhale deeply before continuing with: If LIFE is to offer up a free flow of ideas back and forth then the narrow confines of each mind must expand—but here’s the rub: The older we get, the more challenged we feel about changing old habits and reconsidering traditional beliefs, which make us feel safe. If we are to preserve our nation's strengths, I implore you to join me in mustering the courage to sit on our egos, summon humility, and take long, honest looks into our mirrors—right now!'
Being a guy, Socrates tried to say all of that in two words ... Know thyself.
Perhaps this sage (whose orations, concerning disambiguation, rang out between 436-401 B.C.) had hoped that after his first two words soaked in, he'd gain the full attention of his peers. However, much to his dismay—a room full of impatient tribunes rose up and drowned out the voice of wisdom as each shouted aloud, 'Enough rhetoric, already! The ayes have it!' And with a raise of hands, the messenger of bad tidings was sentenced to die!
By way of this tragic travesty of justice, the sage—whose thoughts had considered the welfare of all—met with such an untimely, disrespected death, that those responsible for his demise could not know that his spirit would live on to fly through cyberspace from one generation to the next, whispering, 'Know thyself,' into the ears of truth seekers, who sit and write and post or stand on soap boxes, in hopes that the wisdom of Socrates may flow freely from ear to ear until, some day, analytical thought is absorbed into our daily lives, home by home, round the world, every day. At every age, life can feel fluid or our spirits can dam up."
By now, I'm laughing, and as laughter is contagious, Mom's sense of humor feels tickled, so chuckling along with me, she exclaims, “Annie, you're every bit as corny as Dad!"
At this, our eyes meet, and while taking turns expressing fond memories of The King of Corn—because in this way do we conjure the spirit of loved ones back to life—we're still chuckling as one funny story leads to the next. Then, while swinging the afternoon away, Mom and I enjoy a brief, peaceful pause in which each of us gets lost in our own thoughts ...
Alone with my thoughts while swinging next to our family's precious matriarch, I glance up at the top of my mountain, which our beloved patriarch had enthusiastically climbed. I picture my beloved father leading his grandchildren in tow, just like the Pied Piper, toward the heights of his love of nature. And while reminiscing, silently, considering the intimate nature of the friendship I'd enjoyed with my high spirited father, my heart rejoices over the friendships which he'd nurtured so naturally with each of his grand kids. Though missing my dad, deeply, I know myself to have been doubly blessed by the fact that the same warm, loving friendship, which Mom and I treasure is cherished by each of her grandchildren, as well. And thus, while missing Dad, somehow, I feel content as though the warmth of his presence is always close by ...
Whenever my gaze wanders up above the mountaintop and into the azure sky, which Dad had so often professed to love, I see my father's beloved face, covering the expanse of that sky, smiling down at me with sheer delight, as had been his habit whenever he and I had swung, side by side, engaging in conversation on this very swing. At some point, Mom breaks into my reverie by asking for more insight into my passion for analytic philosophy, which, time and again, proves classic, universal, timeless when making my way through each next puzzling situation, concerning human nature, proves necessary ... and as those who know me well would warn you, my thoughts tend to flow from a bottomless well ...
Whenever my gaze wanders up above the mountaintop and into the azure sky, which Dad had so often professed to love, I see my father's beloved face, covering the expanse of that sky, smiling down at me with sheer delight, as had been his habit whenever he and I had swung, side by side, engaging in conversation on this very swing. At some point, Mom breaks into my reverie by asking for more insight into my passion for analytic philosophy, which, time and again, proves classic, universal, timeless when making my way through each next puzzling situation, concerning human nature, proves necessary ... and as those who know me well would warn you, my thoughts tend to flow from a bottomless well ...
"Sooo, Annie—what did you mean when you said life is fluid?
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