1099 (32) NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! REVISITED 42

32

2002

At some point in our conversation, Mom looks at me and asks, “Annie, why are you asking all these questions about events that took place so long ago?”

“Well, Mom, I’ve been writing about experiences that shaped many of my character traits.  And I'm planning to describe events that influenced Will's traits, as well."

"Does Will know you plan to write about him?"

"Of course.  In fact, I asked for his permission, and he said, okay, as long as he has the right of first refusal if he's uncomfortable with anything I write.  Will knows I’m highlighting mixed messages, misunderstandings and frightening experiences that prevent us from identifying which of our perceptions are misperceptions in need of reconsideration and clarification. He knows I’m writing about insecurities that shape negative attitudes and self-defeating patterns that cause us to make ineffective decisions, which impede us from meeting personal needs or achieving heartfelt goals.  Will understands my need to describe societal pressures that influence boys and girls to develop into adults, who have no clue as to how often we follow prescribed patterns of behavior instead of drawing forth insight, leading toward independent thought based in logic and common sense.  You know, Mom, it's not just cults that brainwash people's minds.  If you stop to think about it, brainwashing is responsible for much of what each of us is taught to feel, think, believe ... and despise.  Seriously, much of what our minds absorb during childhood creates negatively focused, darkly prejudicial viewpoints that fester without legitimate provocation.”

“Annie, what makes you so curious about all of this, now?"

I'm not sure, Mom.  I think it has something to do with how unfairly people treat people when judgement is based upon the little that can be seen on the surface.  Like the negatively focused judgments that fell on my head when Will and I separated.  Each true story I write will showcase how often our perceptions exacerbate or soothe another person's pain, and more importantly, I plan to show how often pain, left unresolved during childhood, is carried forward, because of the undeserved shame that we unwittingly absorb, subconsciously, thus causing us to misperceive of our traits as being darker than insight into clarity proves true ...