2002
"Annie, most people are not as analytical as you. Where did this passion to figure yourself out come from?"
Actually, we're all analytic to different degrees. Once I grew mindful of the fact that my potential for logic shares brain space with emotional reactiveness (like defensiveness, which proves divisive rather than cooperative), I decided to develop my potential to unmask denial in hopes of figuring out how to achieve heartfelt goals which, though realistic, kept slipping beyond my reach.
Each time I absorbed another insight into the multitasking nature of our brains, my quest toward achieving realistic goals grew more successful than before. As each new insight inspires my spirit to smile, the teacher in me can't wait to 'share the wealth' by pouring one success story after another into every ear that's connected to a mind as open to learning about respectful conflict resolution as mine. I mean, seriously: If we can't resolve conflicts in a respectful manner with loved ones, how can we expect that to happen between political parties, much less nations, whose philosophic leanings prove so diverse as to remain divisive.
Once several class sessions are under our belts, I ask class participants to replace my success stories, concerning mutually respectful conflict resolution, with their own, and pretty soon, our discussions showcase self confident strides made toward respectful conflict resolution by everyone who freely embraces the challenge of retraining our think tanks to brainstorm with attentiveness directed at patience and positive focus while setting long-range goals, which prove mutually enriching. Over time, negatively focused attitudes, based in win/lose, change to positively focused attitudes, based in win/win.
Instead of allowing adult emotional reactions to rant as wildly as a child's tantrums, each class participant joins me in restraining his or her ego behind The Line of Control in order to free the Neocortex to consider problems and conflicts from every angle, thus encouraging every person in a family to work together, respectfully, in hopes of remaining on a positive wave length where our spirits feel happy, safe, and heartily connected to loved ones, near and far.
"That can't always happen, Annie."
I know that, Mom. In fact it can't happen until we acknowledge which of our traits makes conflicts better or worse. When Will and I had reason to split, I learned to minimize my frustration by debating at length with positively focused attitudes attached to open minds, which demonstrate potential for personal growth.
"And when that's not the case, what then?"
If, after knocking on solid brick walls, over long, I find myself engaged in a tug of war then the only way to disengage from a power struggle is to let go of my end of the rope. Then, in order to minimize my frustration, I wish the person, holding the other end of the rope, well, while choosing to carve a new path of my own.
"Well, that makes sense."
I know.
2014
So, earlier, today, I'm driving along, smiling while listening to Joey DeFrancesco on my thumb drive. If asked why my smile indicates a natural lift in my spirit, I'd reply: I'm feeling happily peaceful, content in the knowledge that my needs, which have recently experienced sound reason to expand, feel in synch with reality. As to any aspect of my life, which is still in need of fine tuning, I feel hopeful that with patience and positive focus that which feels discordant, today, will have reason to grow harmonic, over time.
In keeping with Rosanadana: It's always something ... Right?
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Saturday, August 30, 2014
1122 (50B) NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! REVISITED 67
50B
2014
2002
"Annie, most people are not as analytical as you. Where did this passion for figuring yourself out come from?"
Chuckling at the truth, I reply: The more I learn about the intricate complexities of the brain the more fascinated I become to learn more.
2014
2014
*Common sense suggests that the thought processing portion of a child's mind is like a collection of files, stored in the hard drive of a computer, whose memory has been programmed by authority figures.
The child asks why. The adult answers with personal opinion. Being that the child's mind is a highly impressionable, clean slate, the authority's opinion is written into the child's memory as fact. Be good or Santa won't come.
Once, when I found a set of teeth in a glass of water, Grandma told me they were my father's. OMG! If you don't brush your teeth, they really do fall out! Then, when mine began to fall out, I was told that a fairy, resembling Tinker-bell, flew in while I was asleep, and since this fairy, who collects teeth and leaves money under my pillow, is a good fairy, I'm confused, because I thought teeth falling out was not good. Then, when I'm told that new teeth will replace the old, I feel relieved to have received more information than I had before. Boy! Grown ups sure know how to mixup kids!
As to Santa, remember that post, which described Barry's reaction when his kindergarten friends convinced him that I was wrong ... That Santa is as real as you and me. Remember Barry asked me this question while I was tucking him in on Christmas Eve: Mommy, who told Santa I'm Jewish? If you ask: Who authorized Barry's opinion to feel like fact, I'd reply: Peer pressure. No doubt about it. With time, Barry, Steven and David grew up to be a trio of strong men, who'd developed the self confidence necessary to think for themselves, express their opinions and stand up to authority figures with self respect intact. Where did they learn to practice thinking for themselves? With me. At home.
If, once we grow up, parent tapes emerge whenever we speak, authority has not encouraged our minds to problem-solve by respectfully discussing both sides of a conflict. Peace in this family depends upon following this rule: Think my way or it's the highway for you.
In my opinion, one of life's greatest challenges emerges when, as adults, we consciously work to retrain our brains(which had been programmed by authority figures to respond robotically) to think for ourselves. Once that feat has been achieved, we open our mouths and speak freely as unique individuals rather than remaining our parents' clones.
Need I say that when a pleaser changes in ways, which prove as dynamic as experience played out for me, the placid flow of the river hits an unmapped set of rapids, where the undertow of subtle power struggles causes boats to rock, thus unseating each person's sense of safety in deeply personal ways ...
As those in authority are known to make mistakes in judgment, portions of each child's mind will be programmed with emotional glitches, which cause our think tanks to 'malfunction' in one way or another. *Since mistakes in judgment pass from one generation to the next, dysfunctional perceptions may be mistaken for 'God's honest truth'.
Having gained insight into the fact that much of what feels 'right' or 'wrong' is absorbed during childhood, I decided to quest toward deeper truth by listening attentively each time my little voice of intuition whispers into my ear. Upon listening attentively, I began to discern when my little voice of reason was based in personal experience vs those times when a little voice of guilt was whispering parent tapes into my ear. With time spent in introspective reflection, I grew to be more intuitive than robotic, and that difference has made all the difference in terms of training my think tank to think for myself, for real. As to absolving myself from undeserved guilt ... Well, insight into the emergence of subconscious guilt did not relieve my mind of anxious reactions until fairly recently ...
During moments fraught with inner conflict, I've gained insight into this fact: Experiential intuition argues back and forth with subconscious parent tapes. In short, during recent years, experience offered me sound reason to re-raise myself to consider choices more expansively, simulating the manner in which I chose to raise my kids, having packed my brain with the voices of countless psychologists, who had authored self help books, which my sense of intuition compelled me to read.
The child asks why. The adult answers with personal opinion. Being that the child's mind is a highly impressionable, clean slate, the authority's opinion is written into the child's memory as fact. Be good or Santa won't come.
Once, when I found a set of teeth in a glass of water, Grandma told me they were my father's. OMG! If you don't brush your teeth, they really do fall out! Then, when mine began to fall out, I was told that a fairy, resembling Tinker-bell, flew in while I was asleep, and since this fairy, who collects teeth and leaves money under my pillow, is a good fairy, I'm confused, because I thought teeth falling out was not good. Then, when I'm told that new teeth will replace the old, I feel relieved to have received more information than I had before. Boy! Grown ups sure know how to mixup kids!
As to Santa, remember that post, which described Barry's reaction when his kindergarten friends convinced him that I was wrong ... That Santa is as real as you and me. Remember Barry asked me this question while I was tucking him in on Christmas Eve: Mommy, who told Santa I'm Jewish? If you ask: Who authorized Barry's opinion to feel like fact, I'd reply: Peer pressure. No doubt about it. With time, Barry, Steven and David grew up to be a trio of strong men, who'd developed the self confidence necessary to think for themselves, express their opinions and stand up to authority figures with self respect intact. Where did they learn to practice thinking for themselves? With me. At home.
If, once we grow up, parent tapes emerge whenever we speak, authority has not encouraged our minds to problem-solve by respectfully discussing both sides of a conflict. Peace in this family depends upon following this rule: Think my way or it's the highway for you.
In my opinion, one of life's greatest challenges emerges when, as adults, we consciously work to retrain our brains(which had been programmed by authority figures to respond robotically) to think for ourselves. Once that feat has been achieved, we open our mouths and speak freely as unique individuals rather than remaining our parents' clones.
Need I say that when a pleaser changes in ways, which prove as dynamic as experience played out for me, the placid flow of the river hits an unmapped set of rapids, where the undertow of subtle power struggles causes boats to rock, thus unseating each person's sense of safety in deeply personal ways ...
As those in authority are known to make mistakes in judgment, portions of each child's mind will be programmed with emotional glitches, which cause our think tanks to 'malfunction' in one way or another. *Since mistakes in judgment pass from one generation to the next, dysfunctional perceptions may be mistaken for 'God's honest truth'.
Having gained insight into the fact that much of what feels 'right' or 'wrong' is absorbed during childhood, I decided to quest toward deeper truth by listening attentively each time my little voice of intuition whispers into my ear. Upon listening attentively, I began to discern when my little voice of reason was based in personal experience vs those times when a little voice of guilt was whispering parent tapes into my ear. With time spent in introspective reflection, I grew to be more intuitive than robotic, and that difference has made all the difference in terms of training my think tank to think for myself, for real. As to absolving myself from undeserved guilt ... Well, insight into the emergence of subconscious guilt did not relieve my mind of anxious reactions until fairly recently ...
During moments fraught with inner conflict, I've gained insight into this fact: Experiential intuition argues back and forth with subconscious parent tapes. In short, during recent years, experience offered me sound reason to re-raise myself to consider choices more expansively, simulating the manner in which I chose to raise my kids, having packed my brain with the voices of countless psychologists, who had authored self help books, which my sense of intuition compelled me to read.
*Since the same brain, which houses our thought processing abilities, is responsible for releasing emotional tension, which proves explosive when suppressed, it's easy to see how a flash of mental confusion may be likened to a malfunctioning hard drive when too many files, fly open, all at once. As soon as a cacophony of interrelated misperceptions storm around inside our brains, a sense of confounding confusion releases adrenalin, which pumps through our central nervous systems, signaling the brain's defense system to shut down an over taxed thought processor, just like our computers freeze up.
Once the thought processor closes up shop, the human brain, as a whole, retreats from the maddening throng (like a rabbit disappearing into a hole) or it leaps into fight-for-survival mode, like a charging bull, seeing red in the ring. For some reason, Mother Nature did not gift bunny or bull with a Neo cortex, which has a built in potential to calm down and think smart.
As the depth to which we each choose to develop our processors is a matter of personal choice, a babe in arms is on one end of the spectrum, while Einstein (who, baffled his parents by choosing not to speak until the age of seven) exists on the other.
Speaking from experience, a mind suffering exhaustion retreats into a safe cave—such as the privacy of one's bedroom—where in need of rest, the tense mind feels free to unwind—while generosity of spirit, free of put downs, generates the kindest kind of unconditional love until emotional and mental energy refuels..
Once the covers had been intuitively pulled over my head, I had no choice other than to give in to the reality that my think tank had need to retune. In short, I'd grown too wearied with worry to work toward injecting clarity into the brains of any think tank that remained solidly ensconced behind denial's walls. And thus did Ms. Motormouth think to grow quiet without turning the fluid nature of my free-flowing faucet of loving concern for family and friends off. Why not? Because intuition kept whispering that to love, naturally, whole heartedly, mindfully is to heal the wounds of the soul ...
Speaking from personal experience, when my marriage broke down, my mind needed to shut the door to confusion, exacerbated by the barrage of judgmental put downs that rained down upon my exhausted head,. The impact of those put downs were compounded by inner conflict, due to parental tapes, which gave me no peace. And thus did my need for silence and solitude clearly signal the world to leave me rest in peace. Why 'rest in peace'? Because my spirit had consciously absorbed such an unfathomable depth of sadness that I felt more dead than alive. And thus, if solitude is possible, may I respectfully suggest that you give the deeply confounded mind a rest in a peaceful place where, one day, your rested mind may sense the subtle nature of a power struggle, raging beneath the surface of one deeply valued relationship or another, and once intuition begins to whisper of your existential need to free yourself of submission, a sense of rebellion will emerge from the depths of a world-class pleaser's free thinking soul ...
Once the exhausted mind seeks safe haven, separate from conflict, the main root of a power struggle may be identified, and when that 's the case, a thought processor, which connects with common sense, will refuse to engage in a passive aggressive game, which flings this pretense back and forth: 'Something's wrong with you, not me'.
At this point in my life, my thought processor recites this mantra: "Fool yourself if you must, but once I have your number, you'll not fool me, again, no matter how subtle your double entendres prove to be." Once I muster the humility to see where I was in denial—I can see where I'd blindly engaged in a power struggle so subtle as to have remained undetected for years.
Upon recognizing the unconscious part I'd played in feeding a power struggle, I came to see periodic tune ups as vital to the good health of my brain. And in addition to that, I decided to map out a path independent of those who continue to play this game, which proves self defeating, all around: I Win You Lose. In short, a mind skilled in fine tuning itself develops a sense of clarity concerning when to drive in the car pool lane and when to take the high road, rather than getting stuck, honking my horn when emotional traffic jams pile up.
As the herding instinct causes traffic jams to pile up, it’s never a cinch to keep every deeply valued relationship stabilized, all at once. And thus do I open my hood and work to rewire brain glitches that cause my motor to stall, or my brakes to fail, or my engine to rev, such as is the case when my scope remains too limited to get into the driver's seat and take myself to a peaceful place that inspires my spirit to soar.
My brain is not a one way street. My brain is a map, attached to an updated GPS. Though there are many ways to get from here to a personal goal that proves beyond my reach, my mind is more likely to drive straight toward my heart's desire, without hitting dead ends or getting lost, along the way when I pay mind to my Line of Control.
Once the thought processor closes up shop, the human brain, as a whole, retreats from the maddening throng (like a rabbit disappearing into a hole) or it leaps into fight-for-survival mode, like a charging bull, seeing red in the ring. For some reason, Mother Nature did not gift bunny or bull with a Neo cortex, which has a built in potential to calm down and think smart.
As the depth to which we each choose to develop our processors is a matter of personal choice, a babe in arms is on one end of the spectrum, while Einstein (who, baffled his parents by choosing not to speak until the age of seven) exists on the other.
Speaking from experience, a mind suffering exhaustion retreats into a safe cave—such as the privacy of one's bedroom—where in need of rest, the tense mind feels free to unwind—while generosity of spirit, free of put downs, generates the kindest kind of unconditional love until emotional and mental energy refuels..
Once the covers had been intuitively pulled over my head, I had no choice other than to give in to the reality that my think tank had need to retune. In short, I'd grown too wearied with worry to work toward injecting clarity into the brains of any think tank that remained solidly ensconced behind denial's walls. And thus did Ms. Motormouth think to grow quiet without turning the fluid nature of my free-flowing faucet of loving concern for family and friends off. Why not? Because intuition kept whispering that to love, naturally, whole heartedly, mindfully is to heal the wounds of the soul ...
Speaking from personal experience, when my marriage broke down, my mind needed to shut the door to confusion, exacerbated by the barrage of judgmental put downs that rained down upon my exhausted head,. The impact of those put downs were compounded by inner conflict, due to parental tapes, which gave me no peace. And thus did my need for silence and solitude clearly signal the world to leave me rest in peace. Why 'rest in peace'? Because my spirit had consciously absorbed such an unfathomable depth of sadness that I felt more dead than alive. And thus, if solitude is possible, may I respectfully suggest that you give the deeply confounded mind a rest in a peaceful place where, one day, your rested mind may sense the subtle nature of a power struggle, raging beneath the surface of one deeply valued relationship or another, and once intuition begins to whisper of your existential need to free yourself of submission, a sense of rebellion will emerge from the depths of a world-class pleaser's free thinking soul ...
Once the exhausted mind seeks safe haven, separate from conflict, the main root of a power struggle may be identified, and when that 's the case, a thought processor, which connects with common sense, will refuse to engage in a passive aggressive game, which flings this pretense back and forth: 'Something's wrong with you, not me'.
At this point in my life, my thought processor recites this mantra: "Fool yourself if you must, but once I have your number, you'll not fool me, again, no matter how subtle your double entendres prove to be." Once I muster the humility to see where I was in denial—I can see where I'd blindly engaged in a power struggle so subtle as to have remained undetected for years.
Upon recognizing the unconscious part I'd played in feeding a power struggle, I came to see periodic tune ups as vital to the good health of my brain. And in addition to that, I decided to map out a path independent of those who continue to play this game, which proves self defeating, all around: I Win You Lose. In short, a mind skilled in fine tuning itself develops a sense of clarity concerning when to drive in the car pool lane and when to take the high road, rather than getting stuck, honking my horn when emotional traffic jams pile up.
As the herding instinct causes traffic jams to pile up, it’s never a cinch to keep every deeply valued relationship stabilized, all at once. And thus do I open my hood and work to rewire brain glitches that cause my motor to stall, or my brakes to fail, or my engine to rev, such as is the case when my scope remains too limited to get into the driver's seat and take myself to a peaceful place that inspires my spirit to soar.
My brain is not a one way street. My brain is a map, attached to an updated GPS. Though there are many ways to get from here to a personal goal that proves beyond my reach, my mind is more likely to drive straight toward my heart's desire, without hitting dead ends or getting lost, along the way when I pay mind to my Line of Control.
Though I'd once thought that love inspires doors to open in brains encased in solid walls, now the only naive, little song bird I work to free of denial is the one, caged, inside of me. That doesn't mean I've given up on connecting with loved ones in deeply meaningful ways. It means I no longer knock my head painfully against doorless, windowless walls. Open a window of opportunity to reconnect, meaningfully; watch me fly in, eager to express the fact that I've never stopped hugging you close. Fluidity suggests my growing ever more true to myself by openly embracing the sum of my personality parts, which comprise both sides of my whole.
2002
"Annie, most people are not as analytical as you. Where did this passion for figuring yourself out come from?"
Chuckling at the truth, I reply: The more I learn about the intricate complexities of the brain the more fascinated I become to learn more.
2014
In answering Mom, I offered my mother a less technical dissertation than the one you just read in this post. As we'd spent some part of every day taking solace from each other's company during the first two years after Dad died, our friendship enjoyed peace of mind. Then, as infinitesimal changes began to take place, differentiating my needs from Mom's, unforeseeable change began to invade inner peace on both sides ...
When power struggles prove so subtle as to go undetected
Life grows more confounding by the minute ...
In 2002, I had no clue how relevant our conversation, while swinging in tandem, would, one day, prove to be for Mom and me ...
Life grows more confounding by the minute ...
In 2002, I had no clue how relevant our conversation, while swinging in tandem, would, one day, prove to be for Mom and me ...
Friday, August 29, 2014
Muddied Waters ...
2014
Well, thankfully, this hasn't happened in a while ...
This morning, while reviewing yesterday's post (as per my habit), I found my stream of consciousness to be in serious need of editing. So before we chug forward, here's why I hope you'll reread post 1121:
My aim is to communicate with clarity. As yesterday's post offered more in the way of complexity than clarity of thought, I've unmuddied the waters, so we can swim clearly ahead. And with that said, I appreciate your attentiveness to the fact that my morning was spent working to simplify complexity of thought in hopes of creating a fluid sense of change for the better, concerning clarity of thought flowing freely from my mind into yours ...
BTW, clarity of thought does not assume to believe that you'll agree with my line of reasoning but rather that I've made my line of reasoning clear enough so that if debate ensues, that which I hope to convey has not been misunderstood.
Misunderstandings are infamous for catalyzing defensive reactions, leading toward break ups, which prove unnecessary when that which causes emotional complexity has simplified, affording two people, who treasure their friendship, to find themselves moving forward on the same wavelength, after all.
Well, thankfully, this hasn't happened in a while ...
This morning, while reviewing yesterday's post (as per my habit), I found my stream of consciousness to be in serious need of editing. So before we chug forward, here's why I hope you'll reread post 1121:
My aim is to communicate with clarity. As yesterday's post offered more in the way of complexity than clarity of thought, I've unmuddied the waters, so we can swim clearly ahead. And with that said, I appreciate your attentiveness to the fact that my morning was spent working to simplify complexity of thought in hopes of creating a fluid sense of change for the better, concerning clarity of thought flowing freely from my mind into yours ...
BTW, clarity of thought does not assume to believe that you'll agree with my line of reasoning but rather that I've made my line of reasoning clear enough so that if debate ensues, that which I hope to convey has not been misunderstood.
Misunderstandings are infamous for catalyzing defensive reactions, leading toward break ups, which prove unnecessary when that which causes emotional complexity has simplified, affording two people, who treasure their friendship, to find themselves moving forward on the same wavelength, after all.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
1121 (50A) NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! REVISITED 66
50 A
2002
Each time my attitude proves inquisitive rather than accusatory, storm clouds spontaneously lighten up, and rather than engaging in a fiery debate, my calming attitude cuts defensive tension—zinging back and forth—in half, suggesting that a peaceful sense of clarity is more apt to develop on both sides.
*Each time my sense of clarity deepens, a jumble of facts falls into line, bigger pictures emerge, and generally, I come to see how an unresolved conflict has been catalyzed by a power struggle so subtle as to have gone undetected. As bigger pictures continue to appear in 3D, outdated perceptions alter in mind blowing ways.
2002
Swinging ...
“Annie—are you trying to tell me that if you're 'fluid' nothing that happens will bother you, anymore?”
I smile while replying: "Of course not, Mom. More than being based in emotional control, fluidity refers to embracing an open minded attitude while engaging in conflict resolution. Fluidity suggests training my think tank to consider the limitations of my perspective in hopes of expanding my understanding of both sides in a free flowing manner, because solid mindsets can't recognize those times when negative attitudes—based in latent insecurity—expect the worst. As soon as insecurity couples with negativity, clarity twists into knots, causing self fulfilled prophecies to shape up, over time."
"But I don't understand why you have to work at this, Annie. You are open minded."
"Actually, we're all open minded about some things and closed minded about others. *If denial blinds us to where we're close minded, we have no clue as to which of our thinking patterns leap to conclusions, which assume the worst vs. thinking patterns that white wash personal motives, which we don't want to see—clearly.
*While working to recognize emotional reactions, which prove negatively focused, I'm exercising the emotionally secure side of my brain—and—whatever I exercise, strengthens. *Each time I identify an insecure or negatively focused thinking pattern, my ability to neutralize frustration, fear or anger quickens.
"So how do you recognize a negatively focused thinking pattern?"
*By consciously engaging the inquisitive portion of my mind. It's important to note that questioning opens the door to positive change in this way: I offer the other person that which I hope he or she will offer me.
"What's that?"
"The benefit of the doubt…"
"And how does that create change for the better?"
"Well, when I'm sure something's not going my way, my attitude jumps to conclusions and assumes the worst. By reminding myself to remain neutral until all the facts known, I free my thought processor of emotional turmoil, suggesting my producing less inner tension, which interferes with clarity. As questioning allows me to disengage from the stress of 'pre-worry', my problem solving skills grow ever more logically sound—and that's why we say: Attitude is everything.
*While working to recognize emotional reactions, which prove negatively focused, I'm exercising the emotionally secure side of my brain—and—whatever I exercise, strengthens. *Each time I identify an insecure or negatively focused thinking pattern, my ability to neutralize frustration, fear or anger quickens.
"So how do you recognize a negatively focused thinking pattern?"
*By consciously engaging the inquisitive portion of my mind. It's important to note that questioning opens the door to positive change in this way: I offer the other person that which I hope he or she will offer me.
"What's that?"
"The benefit of the doubt…"
"And how does that create change for the better?"
"Well, when I'm sure something's not going my way, my attitude jumps to conclusions and assumes the worst. By reminding myself to remain neutral until all the facts known, I free my thought processor of emotional turmoil, suggesting my producing less inner tension, which interferes with clarity. As questioning allows me to disengage from the stress of 'pre-worry', my problem solving skills grow ever more logically sound—and that's why we say: Attitude is everything.
Each time my attitude proves inquisitive rather than accusatory, storm clouds spontaneously lighten up, and rather than engaging in a fiery debate, my calming attitude cuts defensive tension—zinging back and forth—in half, suggesting that a peaceful sense of clarity is more apt to develop on both sides.
*Each time my sense of clarity deepens, a jumble of facts falls into line, bigger pictures emerge, and generally, I come to see how an unresolved conflict has been catalyzed by a power struggle so subtle as to have gone undetected. As bigger pictures continue to appear in 3D, outdated perceptions alter in mind blowing ways.
*Once my perception, concerning a particular conflict, expands, I come to recognize an unresolved insecurity, catalyzing a thought process in need of revising. As subconscious insecurities, which had haunted my sense of safety, emerge in plain sight, strengths, which I'd misperceived as being my own, actually develop.
*Each time a subconscious vulnerability ripens into a hard won strength, I overcome a fear, which produced anxiety, which stimulated adrenalin, which increased tension, which filled my thought processor with static electricity, which disrupted clarity, causing me to struggle with indecision."
*Each time a subconscious vulnerability ripens into a hard won strength, I overcome a fear, which produced anxiety, which stimulated adrenalin, which increased tension, which filled my thought processor with static electricity, which disrupted clarity, causing me to struggle with indecision."
"How in the world do you figure all of that out?"
"I read. I attend lectures. I learn little by little. And the more I learn, concerning the complex workings of the brain, the more fascinated I become with challenging my conscious mind to understand the intricacies of my thinking patterns. Think of it this way, Mom: My eagerness to learn about the brain is like an auto mechanic, who opens the hood of a car, feeling challenged to determine which part is not functioning up to snuff and is thus in need of a minor adjustment or a major overhaul or replacement. The mechanic, feeling challenged, makes good use of his noggin by combining knowledge with experiential intuition, right?
Right.
Well, a car is a complex machine that takes us where we want to go. And so is the brain, with this caveat: If the car doesn't work, it's towed to the mechanic. If the brain doesn't take us to where we want to go, we get manic and someone calls the police!
So, now, we're laughing, again, and upon settling down, Mom asks:
"Annie, do you really think like this during conflict?
Yep. In the beginning I had to consciously shift gears. Over time, with practice, the entire process has become automatic. In fact, much of what I've absorbed in terms of understanding complex thinking patterns can be likened to the study of higher mathematics.
During conflict, the inquisitive portion of my mind is trained to ask questions and listen attentively in hopes of absorbing knowledge that I'd not thought to consider. I guess you could say I look for the unknown factor.
(As in: Oh! Now I get it! Here's the solution!).
During moments fraught with conflict, I concentrate on collecting as much data as possible, because knowledge is power. Not power over others. Power over my own reactiveness. Power toward gaining clarity—which expands my perspective, thus opening a closed mindset—which had not yet gleaned insight into deeper truth—which, over time, enhances one's perception of reality—as in: Oh! Now why didn't I think of that?
*On the other hand, the acquisition of knowledge is not enough to create change for the better. Before I can make good use of knowledge, I need to identify and dismantle defensive thought patterns, which the wounds of my ego had needed to layer up during my youth. In short, I call upon my Line of Control to tolerate whatever emotional turmoil is hurled at me in order that my reactions do not make a bad situation worse.
Right.
Well, a car is a complex machine that takes us where we want to go. And so is the brain, with this caveat: If the car doesn't work, it's towed to the mechanic. If the brain doesn't take us to where we want to go, we get manic and someone calls the police!
So, now, we're laughing, again, and upon settling down, Mom asks:
"Annie, do you really think like this during conflict?
Yep. In the beginning I had to consciously shift gears. Over time, with practice, the entire process has become automatic. In fact, much of what I've absorbed in terms of understanding complex thinking patterns can be likened to the study of higher mathematics.
During conflict, the inquisitive portion of my mind is trained to ask questions and listen attentively in hopes of absorbing knowledge that I'd not thought to consider. I guess you could say I look for the unknown factor.
(As in: Oh! Now I get it! Here's the solution!).
During moments fraught with conflict, I concentrate on collecting as much data as possible, because knowledge is power. Not power over others. Power over my own reactiveness. Power toward gaining clarity—which expands my perspective, thus opening a closed mindset—which had not yet gleaned insight into deeper truth—which, over time, enhances one's perception of reality—as in: Oh! Now why didn't I think of that?
*On the other hand, the acquisition of knowledge is not enough to create change for the better. Before I can make good use of knowledge, I need to identify and dismantle defensive thought patterns, which the wounds of my ego had needed to layer up during my youth. In short, I call upon my Line of Control to tolerate whatever emotional turmoil is hurled at me in order that my reactions do not make a bad situation worse.
OMG, Mom! That last train of thought, concerning dismantling my defensive patterns of thought, offered me insight into Grandma’s emotional reactions in the aftermath of Janet’s death. At first, when Grandma was unable to handle such agonizing emotional turmoil, she turned blame inward. Then, when she couldn't handle the intensity of guilt that she'd heaped, undeservedly upon herself, she turned blame—outward—making a tragic situation ten times worse."
At this point, while 'thinking' aloud, I can feel the complex machine inside my head percolating away. "So though I'm not consciously certain as to where this train of thought is about to take my conscious awareness, next, intuition takes over and, word by word, here is what chugs through my think tank and out of my mouth: Whenever emotional confusion rattles my mind, during moments fraught with conflict, wisdom suggests breathing deeply to oxygenate my mind. While concentrating on breathing, tension lessens, thus allowing me to retain the clarity necessary to neutralize my defensive reactions rather than resorting to automatically absorb guilt or cast blame. Hence, my Line of Control, which guides me to take a time out on the spot, keeps me sane at times when life feels too crazy to believe …
*While working to release a heady build up of tension in a healthy, mature manner, I can better distinguish between those times when one individual is responsible for exacerbating a bad situation vs. times when everyone involved is acting like a herd of frightened deer, running blindly into a raging forest fire, which consumes every living thing in its self destructive path. While working consciously to deepen my level of self control, I shield myself from absorbing emotional tornados of smoke swirling around me, and having doused my defensiveness with common sense, my ire does not ignite, flare up or strike back with negatively focused, retaliatory reactions."
*While working to release a heady build up of tension in a healthy, mature manner, I can better distinguish between those times when one individual is responsible for exacerbating a bad situation vs. times when everyone involved is acting like a herd of frightened deer, running blindly into a raging forest fire, which consumes every living thing in its self destructive path. While working consciously to deepen my level of self control, I shield myself from absorbing emotional tornados of smoke swirling around me, and having doused my defensiveness with common sense, my ire does not ignite, flare up or strike back with negatively focused, retaliatory reactions."
"Annie—what are you talking about???"
*"Gosh, Mom. This is not easy to explain—it took a long time for me to absorb all of this, little by little. Let's say that I've consciously developed a sense of mindfulness, which proves to be a self disciplined strength. That by practicing mindfulness with consistency, my thought processor becomes better equipped to control my defense system's basic instinct to fight, flee or freeze.
The more emotionally secure (mature) I become, the more methodically my brain works in an orderly, step by step fashion to identify bigger pictures. As a bunch of puzzling pieces fall into place, over time, an effective solution, which considers the needs of everyone concerned, emerges from my mind. I've come to see that effective leadership asks pertinent questions in order to consider as many aspects of a problem as compassionately as possible."
The more emotionally secure (mature) I become, the more methodically my brain works in an orderly, step by step fashion to identify bigger pictures. As a bunch of puzzling pieces fall into place, over time, an effective solution, which considers the needs of everyone concerned, emerges from my mind. I've come to see that effective leadership asks pertinent questions in order to consider as many aspects of a problem as compassionately as possible."
"Annie ... "
"Wait, Mom. Please. Though I have no clue where this train of thought is going to end up, I need to keep going—while consciously directing my brain to operate in loving, responsible, knowledgeable, and compassionate ways, that does not mean that my decisions will please the group as a whole—at first—or maybe ever. *In fact, since the future well being of any group, as a whole, remains unrevealed, we’d be wise to take time out to think smart instead of loosening our tongue before clarity is ours. During times of confusion, defensiveness tends to point fingers of blame as soon as turmoil rolls in. As soon as negatively focused words, intentions or reactions fling back and forth, defensive walls go up on both sides, and misunderstandings, which fuel emotional fires that scald and scar us, all, result."
"So, what does all of this have to do with being 'fluid'?
*"Well, if I direct my mind to remain fluid in terms of considering everything that's being said, I'll leap to negative conclusions, less often. *By working to develop the habit of listening objectively instead of feeling insulted by whatever is said, I'll feel reasonable rather than reactive, and in this way, my sense of realism, concerning life, love, and friendship, will develop in depth."
As Mom still looks confused, I offer an example. "Let's think about it this way:
*Whenever we work to replace a 'bad' habit with a well balanced habit, it's necessary to practice. Since negatively focused thought patterns are 'bad' habits, I reduce my frustration, anger and pain by reminding myself not to take 'put downs', cast in my direction, painfully to heart. Rather than automatically absorbing the pain of a put down, I consider the imperfections of the human condition. In this way, imperfections, inefficiencies, and misperceptions—whether they be my own of those directed at me—are less apt to would me or drive me crazy.
Each time I focus consciously on seeking clarity, concerning reality, the element of passion, fueling my emotional reaction calms down. *By way of consciously maintaining emotional control, my whole brain feels peaceful enough to work effectively, suggesting my ability to conjure up compassion rather than contempt, concerning vulnerabilities and faults common to one and all.
*Again and again, my desire to identify negatively focused attitudes, which fuel subtle power struggles, serves me well in this way: *I gain insight into how often negative attitudes muddy up clarity when our brains are pushed to operate on overload, exhaustion, fear or anger, over long. How often do we hear: To sleep is to heal. How many realize that understanding complexity precedes sleep?
*Again and again, my desire to identify negatively focused attitudes, which fuel subtle power struggles, serves me well in this way: *I gain insight into how often negative attitudes muddy up clarity when our brains are pushed to operate on overload, exhaustion, fear or anger, over long. How often do we hear: To sleep is to heal. How many realize that understanding complexity precedes sleep?
*Whereas positive energy spurs my mind to function clearly, negative energy exacerbates internal turmoil.
*As every action stimulates a reaction, our defense systems are hot wired to respond to negative energy with more of the same. Therefore, it makes sense to train our thought processors to tame basic instincts, which cause us to fight for survival like those who make up the lower animal kingdom.
I guess you could say that I tune up my thought processor and oil the sum of its parts, so that as I age, my processor won't get too rusty, crusty, blustery or just plain tangled up to do my part to resolve a conflict when an emotional tornado is hurtling a swirl of emotional turmoil at me…”
*As every action stimulates a reaction, our defense systems are hot wired to respond to negative energy with more of the same. Therefore, it makes sense to train our thought processors to tame basic instincts, which cause us to fight for survival like those who make up the lower animal kingdom.
I guess you could say that I tune up my thought processor and oil the sum of its parts, so that as I age, my processor won't get too rusty, crusty, blustery or just plain tangled up to do my part to resolve a conflict when an emotional tornado is hurtling a swirl of emotional turmoil at me…”
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
1120 (49) NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! REVISITED 65
49
2002
Still swinging ...
2002
Still swinging ...
“Annie, what do you mean when you say life is fluid?
“Hmmm. How can I best explain what fluid means to me? Okay Mom, this may do the trick: *Let's say life is divided into four seasons for good reason: Spring is the innocence of childhood; Summer offers a hot, juicy introduction to adulthood; Fall ripens toward maturity; and Winter provides the wisdom to assemble a wealth of knowledge in hopes of seeking the sweet succulence of inner peace—otherwise, we'll grow ever more disgruntled and wizened right to the bitter end...
Next, let’s divide the four seasons of life into twelve months. If each 'month' symbolizes a new decade then as life marches forward in a cyclical fashion, each person can visualize where he or she stands as an infinitesimal part of humanity's bell shaped curve within the grand scheme that Mother Nature has ‘planned’ for planet Earth, as a whole.
"You're planning to live to 120?"
"Tongue in cheek, I reply: Why not? The life expectancy continues to improve, and I take good care of myself." Then, getting serious, again, I go on:
With each passing decade we can ask ourselves this trio of questions: Do I huddle in the middle of the herd, as I did as a child? Or have I grown toward leadership, pulling some portion of that bell shaped curve forward, while simultaneously digging in my heels, afraid to confront deeper truths concerning some other aspect of life? Where am I pulling up the rear, barking at every step I'm forced to take—fearful of the day when those younger or healthier than I am take up the torch, making it impossible to hide from the fact that the grim reaper is about to swoop down and pluck me off of the time line, at last? Here today, gone tomorrow? Impossible! Right? But never-the-less, true.
During each stage of a person's life span, personal growth can be monitored by reflecting back to where we chose to stand on the bell shaped curve, yesterday vs. where we stand, today, knowing that we mature in many aspects of life, but many are not all." As Mom's furrowed brow makes me think that my explanation may be compounding her sense of confusion, I wish for Socrates' brevity and choose a new line of reasoning.
"You're planning to live to 120?"
"Tongue in cheek, I reply: Why not? The life expectancy continues to improve, and I take good care of myself." Then, getting serious, again, I go on:
With each passing decade we can ask ourselves this trio of questions: Do I huddle in the middle of the herd, as I did as a child? Or have I grown toward leadership, pulling some portion of that bell shaped curve forward, while simultaneously digging in my heels, afraid to confront deeper truths concerning some other aspect of life? Where am I pulling up the rear, barking at every step I'm forced to take—fearful of the day when those younger or healthier than I am take up the torch, making it impossible to hide from the fact that the grim reaper is about to swoop down and pluck me off of the time line, at last? Here today, gone tomorrow? Impossible! Right? But never-the-less, true.
During each stage of a person's life span, personal growth can be monitored by reflecting back to where we chose to stand on the bell shaped curve, yesterday vs. where we stand, today, knowing that we mature in many aspects of life, but many are not all." As Mom's furrowed brow makes me think that my explanation may be compounding her sense of confusion, I wish for Socrates' brevity and choose a new line of reasoning.
"Let's say I see my presence as playing a brief but influential role within the capricious nature of humanity as a whole. Let's say I believe humanity will continue to perform miraculous (ridiculous and horrendous) acts, long after I’m gone. Let's say no one wants to grow into a grumpy, wizened, old prune. However, in order to age wisely rather than defensively, I'll need to re-energize my spirit by directing my mind toward listening attentively and objectively whenever the spirit of sages whispers down from on high by sending a messenger, who loves me so deeply as to let me know that, like it or not—I'm in the process of transitioning from autumn into the winter of my life, as we speak. As reality suggests that daunting situations, which I've yet to experience, lay directly ahead, it behooves me to listen closely to that which the voice of love, compassion and reason feels the need to say. Otherwise, my spirit may miss partaking of joyous experiences that inspire my heart to feel younger than springtime as I age.
As experience, beginning at the tender age of three, proves that no stage of life is for sissies, I choose to sidestep denial, whenever possible, in hopes of inspiring myself to grow ever more aware of absorbing insights, which may increase the likelihood of my evolving into a loving, gracious old lady, who feels as eagerly welcomed into the hearts of those I love as was true when I was young and embraced life as naturally as does the hard working oyster, who, upon opening up, holds forth less in the way of irritation, more in the way of pearls …
As experience, beginning at the tender age of three, proves that no stage of life is for sissies, I choose to sidestep denial, whenever possible, in hopes of inspiring myself to grow ever more aware of absorbing insights, which may increase the likelihood of my evolving into a loving, gracious old lady, who feels as eagerly welcomed into the hearts of those I love as was true when I was young and embraced life as naturally as does the hard working oyster, who, upon opening up, holds forth less in the way of irritation, more in the way of pearls …
“I can't picture you as an old lady, Annie. In fact, I can't believe how old I am! I sure don't feel as old as my years or my peers. When I awaken and look into my mirror, I can't believe the person staring back is me." At this, Mom looks too serious to chuckle, so my reaction remains aligned with her wavelength when she says: "Annie, it's not like you to believe that people can't grow old graciously, naturally.”
“I know, Mom. Here's what I'm trying to say: Even the most gracious person amongst us butts up against lessons, left unlearned—especially when it comes to accepting losses too painful to bear. So many of the elderly end up feeling depressed."
"Yes, that's true. Remember how depressed Dad was when he couldn't achieve physical challenges that had set him apart from other men his age?"
"I do. Once, while he and I were discussing his despondency, I told Dad that I'm determined to age like you. I remember Dad offering me a small, sad smile, while replying, "I hope you can, Annie. Your mother is quite a woman."
"I miss him so much; it hurts, every day."
"Me, too, Mom."
"If I'd known what had caused his depression, I would have reacted differently, more patiently. If I had it to do all over again, not a day would go by without letting him know how much I loved him. And still do."
"I know what you mean, Mom. It's natural to feel remorseful over what's past, but it's impossible to relive the past. The best we can do is to transfer insights gained, while we reflect over yesterday's experience, to ease our way through challenging situations, which, at first glance, may feel difficult to understand, today."
"Annie, I thought you were going to explain what you meant by life is fluid."
"Whoops, sorry, Mom. Once we dive in deep, it's easy to get sidetracked. So where was I? Oh yes. *I was using the time line to track where we stand as forerunners or laggers while traditional values are undergoing change so slowly as to be almost imperceptible unless we grow ever more consciously aware, day by day.
Let's place the timeline aside for a moment and picture ourselves standing on a moving walkway, like at the airport, but with this difference: Whereas the moving walkway at the airport moves straight ahead toward a predetermined destination, the moving walkway I'm conjuring up inside my mind offers us a fork in the road. Whereas one choice leads toward same-old-same-old, the other beckons us to take a courageous step toward the great unknown. Unfortunately, the older we get, the less adventuresome, more fearful of change, we tend to become.
Let's place the timeline aside for a moment and picture ourselves standing on a moving walkway, like at the airport, but with this difference: Whereas the moving walkway at the airport moves straight ahead toward a predetermined destination, the moving walkway I'm conjuring up inside my mind offers us a fork in the road. Whereas one choice leads toward same-old-same-old, the other beckons us to take a courageous step toward the great unknown. Unfortunately, the older we get, the less adventuresome, more fearful of change, we tend to become.
*Each time we approach another fork in the road where yesterday’s values clash with views, which have grown more expansive, today, it makes sense to remind ourselves of this fact: Regardless of which fork you and I choose, we all continue to move forward into foreign territory, as one stage of life transitions toward the next.
Reality suggests that the moving walkway does not stop or back up for anyone. And here's why that's true: Each next stage of life offers experiences, which startle and unbalance our sense of self worth in ways that we'd not expect. And we can't prepare for that which comes as a total surprise.
Though we think ourselves wise old owls, it's natural for feathers to get ruffled when traditional mindsets begin to unravel. As this proves true of every generation, common sense suggests questing toward insight by way of absorbing knowledge as well as seeking guidance, no matter how many birthdays I've accrued.
What I won't do as I age is get stuck, spinning my wheels in that rut where same-old-same-old makes me feel safe when in truth, digging my heels into the past is bound to stalemate whatever unexpected change comes next, suggesting that if I feel left alone with my fears, there'll be no one to blame for my loneliness but me. With that insight in mind, deeper truth suggests that as long as I'm alive, it's my choice to remain in denial on a treadmill that's inclined to go nowhere fast or switch to the walkway, whereby the wise muster the courage and humility to ask for direction in hopes of engaging with the clarity to embrace reality, rather than choosing to follow in the footsteps of the elderly, whose trains of thought are fueled by negative focus, which makes them feel like gerbils, running on wheels in cages, as life and the busy lives of loved ones pass them by.
When my marriage hung onto the edge of cliff by a thread, plunging my spirit into a dark hole of despair, I decided no more cages for the little song bird I prefer to be. In the aftermath of that deeply pensive time, my spirit chose to face life's unexpected travails with growth in self awareness, and thus do I approach life's unexpected challenges as passionately and wholeheartedly as I'm known to emote enthusiastic expressions of joy. And with this attitude of fluidity, concerning my acceptance of life's highs and lows do I hope to mindfully inspire the song bird within me to soar high in the sky, flying free as the breeze, as I age.
Each time we approach a new stage of life, the wisest of souls becomes a beginner, all over again. Each time confusion hits and I lose sight of clarity, concerning vital aspects of my well being, you'll see me seek astute guidance in hopes of expanding my horizons rather than seeking assurance from clones, whose views prove to be as limited as my own.
Reality suggests that the moving walkway does not stop or back up for anyone. And here's why that's true: Each next stage of life offers experiences, which startle and unbalance our sense of self worth in ways that we'd not expect. And we can't prepare for that which comes as a total surprise.
Though we think ourselves wise old owls, it's natural for feathers to get ruffled when traditional mindsets begin to unravel. As this proves true of every generation, common sense suggests questing toward insight by way of absorbing knowledge as well as seeking guidance, no matter how many birthdays I've accrued.
What I won't do as I age is get stuck, spinning my wheels in that rut where same-old-same-old makes me feel safe when in truth, digging my heels into the past is bound to stalemate whatever unexpected change comes next, suggesting that if I feel left alone with my fears, there'll be no one to blame for my loneliness but me. With that insight in mind, deeper truth suggests that as long as I'm alive, it's my choice to remain in denial on a treadmill that's inclined to go nowhere fast or switch to the walkway, whereby the wise muster the courage and humility to ask for direction in hopes of engaging with the clarity to embrace reality, rather than choosing to follow in the footsteps of the elderly, whose trains of thought are fueled by negative focus, which makes them feel like gerbils, running on wheels in cages, as life and the busy lives of loved ones pass them by.
When my marriage hung onto the edge of cliff by a thread, plunging my spirit into a dark hole of despair, I decided no more cages for the little song bird I prefer to be. In the aftermath of that deeply pensive time, my spirit chose to face life's unexpected travails with growth in self awareness, and thus do I approach life's unexpected challenges as passionately and wholeheartedly as I'm known to emote enthusiastic expressions of joy. And with this attitude of fluidity, concerning my acceptance of life's highs and lows do I hope to mindfully inspire the song bird within me to soar high in the sky, flying free as the breeze, as I age.
Each time we approach a new stage of life, the wisest of souls becomes a beginner, all over again. Each time confusion hits and I lose sight of clarity, concerning vital aspects of my well being, you'll see me seek astute guidance in hopes of expanding my horizons rather than seeking assurance from clones, whose views prove to be as limited as my own.
One day, while visualizing myself, standing on the time line, I saw myself as an infinitesimal speck within the greater scope of the animal kingdom. From that day on, I viewed planet Earth as my forest or jungle, suggestive of the fact that as I age—quiet as a mouse, griping silently to myself, will not suit me, at all.
With insight into my brief existence on the historical time line, I work to differentiate between those who seek to understand their self defeating traits vs. those who, fearing reality, duck and run for cover while pointing fingers of blame, elsewhere, when a messenger delivering deeper truth knocks at their walls of denial. As kill the messenger is classic to human nature, I seek wisdom into when to speak up and when to hold my tongue.
Having come to accept the harsh fact that life is short, meaning that my body will provide my spirit with transport for a limited time, I've chosen to wrap my attitude around this reality: *At some point in time, every person, alive (including me), stumbles into accidents, prejudice, bias, misunderstandings, misperceptions, insensitivities, and unfair misjudgments, as well as countless forms of blind miscarriages of justice which may include: bullying, undiagnosed illnesses, chronic injuries, causing pain to devil us, daily, thus interfering with heartfelt plans—and then there's the toughest plague of all—that of a loved one's sudden, untimely, inexplicable death.
We hear that attitude is everything, because attitude filters into our decision-making process. And knowing that all of those issues comprise the downside of every person’s life—I’ve decided to consciously oil the fluid nature of my mind in hopes of going with the flow when fate forces me to accept changes that go against my will.
By way of embracing an openminded attitude, I grow ever more attentive to the powers of intuition signaling me to readjustment my focus from negative to positive, and thus do the combined forces of intuition and knowledge redirect my mind from that which feels disheartening toward opening my heart to embrace each amazing surprise that life offers up, thus rejuvenating my own sense of joy." (Whew! I thought that train of thought might never see the light at the end of such a lengthy tunnel!!)
At this, Mom, looking skeptical, says: Annie, that's easier said than done.
While nodding in agreement, I expound a bit more: "Wouldn't you agree that everything that proves worthwhile takes dedication and work?
As Mom nods in reply, I continue with: Maintaining fluidity depends upon cultivating a fertile mind, which differentiates between when to swim upstream and when to go with the river’s flow—when to ride out a rapid current—and when to dive into emotional turbulence ever more deeply in hopes of surfacing with insight into confronting each conflict from angles never considered before—until, finally, bigger pictures appear in 3D. And as that kind of brainwork is often exhausting, I rest my mind while acknowledging everyone's need to soak up the sun and rest from stress, which results once I find myself communing with the positive side of human nature within the safe haven of a peaceful, languid pond—and then, having recouped a strong sense of spiritual energy—I accept the fact that there will be times when it proves necessary to stand up to the world, dig in my heels, yet again, and take another courageous stance, based in the strength of personal conviction backed by time-tested knowledge combined with personal experience while naysayers, contesting the validity of my personal choices, attempt to back me into a wall, yet again. (Double whew!) Over all, I work toward strengthening my resolve to resolve each conflict, which accompanies change, with compassion and patience rather than closing my ears and heart to vulnerabilities, which exist within us, all.”
With insight into my brief existence on the historical time line, I work to differentiate between those who seek to understand their self defeating traits vs. those who, fearing reality, duck and run for cover while pointing fingers of blame, elsewhere, when a messenger delivering deeper truth knocks at their walls of denial. As kill the messenger is classic to human nature, I seek wisdom into when to speak up and when to hold my tongue.
Having come to accept the harsh fact that life is short, meaning that my body will provide my spirit with transport for a limited time, I've chosen to wrap my attitude around this reality: *At some point in time, every person, alive (including me), stumbles into accidents, prejudice, bias, misunderstandings, misperceptions, insensitivities, and unfair misjudgments, as well as countless forms of blind miscarriages of justice which may include: bullying, undiagnosed illnesses, chronic injuries, causing pain to devil us, daily, thus interfering with heartfelt plans—and then there's the toughest plague of all—that of a loved one's sudden, untimely, inexplicable death.
We hear that attitude is everything, because attitude filters into our decision-making process. And knowing that all of those issues comprise the downside of every person’s life—I’ve decided to consciously oil the fluid nature of my mind in hopes of going with the flow when fate forces me to accept changes that go against my will.
By way of embracing an openminded attitude, I grow ever more attentive to the powers of intuition signaling me to readjustment my focus from negative to positive, and thus do the combined forces of intuition and knowledge redirect my mind from that which feels disheartening toward opening my heart to embrace each amazing surprise that life offers up, thus rejuvenating my own sense of joy." (Whew! I thought that train of thought might never see the light at the end of such a lengthy tunnel!!)
At this, Mom, looking skeptical, says: Annie, that's easier said than done.
While nodding in agreement, I expound a bit more: "Wouldn't you agree that everything that proves worthwhile takes dedication and work?
As Mom nods in reply, I continue with: Maintaining fluidity depends upon cultivating a fertile mind, which differentiates between when to swim upstream and when to go with the river’s flow—when to ride out a rapid current—and when to dive into emotional turbulence ever more deeply in hopes of surfacing with insight into confronting each conflict from angles never considered before—until, finally, bigger pictures appear in 3D. And as that kind of brainwork is often exhausting, I rest my mind while acknowledging everyone's need to soak up the sun and rest from stress, which results once I find myself communing with the positive side of human nature within the safe haven of a peaceful, languid pond—and then, having recouped a strong sense of spiritual energy—I accept the fact that there will be times when it proves necessary to stand up to the world, dig in my heels, yet again, and take another courageous stance, based in the strength of personal conviction backed by time-tested knowledge combined with personal experience while naysayers, contesting the validity of my personal choices, attempt to back me into a wall, yet again. (Double whew!) Over all, I work toward strengthening my resolve to resolve each conflict, which accompanies change, with compassion and patience rather than closing my ears and heart to vulnerabilities, which exist within us, all.”
“Annie—if you try to tell me that by developing fluid patterns of thought, nothing in life is going to upset you then I'd say—that's nuts.”
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
1119 (48) NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! REVISITED 64
48
2002
Swinging ...
As Mom's head shakes vigorously in agreement, I respond, "Life is divided into four seasons for good reason—and though youth may be smart, smart is not wise when the voice of knowledge, 'seasoned' with experience, is ignored."
“And how! So, tell me, Annie, how did a normal, little girl grow up to be so analytical?”
“Actually, I think it began with two English teachers, one in high school and one in college. Both emphasized the importance of seeking deeper meaning in literature, concerning the grand scope of life.
Throughout my adult years, I’ve been fascinated by the impact that metaphor and symbolism have on our minds. In fact it’s rare to see me reading without a highlighter in hand. In hopes of hooking up with analytical minds, I’ve organized several book groups. And by now, I guess you could say that while reading for pleasure, deeper meaning seems to leap off each page in 3D.
Throughout my adult years, I’ve been fascinated by the impact that metaphor and symbolism have on our minds. In fact it’s rare to see me reading without a highlighter in hand. In hopes of hooking up with analytical minds, I’ve organized several book groups. And by now, I guess you could say that while reading for pleasure, deeper meaning seems to leap off each page in 3D.
After graduating from college, I loved teaching other people’s children so much that I thought motherhood would feel like a cool breeze on a sunny day. Needless to say, two situations that seem alike on the surface are often as dissimilar as they can be! *I learned that ANY relationship, which feels like a sunny day, can unexpectedly whip itself into a wind storm of devastating proportions once a 'mild' power struggle has reason to blow up into an uncontrolled gale. (Have you read the posts entitled FIRST KISS?) This line of reasoning proves true when misunderstandings and unresolved power struggles, shoved under rugs, intensify within the structure of family dynamics. Dynamic is synonymous with change ...
It's often been said that parents can't discipline and befriend their kids. I disagree. By way of blending creativity, compassion and skillful communications, I figured my way toward disciplining with positive focus and good humor intact, suggestive of challenging myself to guide my sons in a child-friendly manner. Ample examples in stories down the road.
It's often been said that parents can't discipline and befriend their kids. I disagree. By way of blending creativity, compassion and skillful communications, I figured my way toward disciplining with positive focus and good humor intact, suggestive of challenging myself to guide my sons in a child-friendly manner. Ample examples in stories down the road.
Thank goodness, one of my neighbors introduced me to the theories of Rudolph Dreikurs, who wrote CHILDREN THE CHALLENGE, early in my parenting career. As I practiced one suggestion after another, each of which described a step by step approach, leading toward peaceful conflict resolution between parent and child—and as each suggestion proved successful with my preschoolers at home—well—I was hooked.
As that first book in my self help library opened a door in mind, where instant gratification achieved goal after goal, I felt inspired to absorb as much information, concerning positive discipline, as my mind could soak in, and as each additional morsel of knowledge expanded my mind with techniques concerning cooperative methodology the more inquisitive I became. With time, I transformed from enthusiastic absorber to motivational speaker, whose enthusiastic approach to creating simple plans, serving the betterment of all, caught on wherever the director of the parenting program asked me to conduct a seminar or workshop, next. As problem solvers call upon the analytical portion of the brain's thought processing center, that portion of my brain got a good workout on a regular basis. And though practice does not make perfect, practice does create a high success rate, over time.
In fact, when some tell me that I’ve grown too analytical, I reply, ‘Growing is the right word, because I wasn’t born this way. Spurred on by heightened levels of success while leading my kids and then my classes to freely embrace skillful negotiating techniques, much of what I continue to read suggests that changes in attitude culminate in personal success, more often than not. Each time I pull patience out of my pocket, I reap this reward: While working to deepen my connection to analytical thought, puzzling situations cycle through my mind until bigger pictures shape up, allowing me to see how x led to y, which led to z.
One day a flash of insight illuminated this discovery for me: Training my brain to compute heightened levels of emotional intelligence equates with training the brain to compute complex problems, associated with higher mathematics! With that insight in mind, I've worked to develop the confidence to figure my way out of emotional mazes, which create traffic jams, where mindsets get stuck in ruts, which grow more negatively focused as horns blow, wheels spin, and hot air swirls into smoke screens, all to no avail, for this reason: As long as mindsets remain divisive, due to the fact that defensive attitudes exacerbate traffic jams, each will hold the other responsible for recreating the problem, when, insight into deeper truth, concerning both sides of human nature, suggests that everything gets better or worse, but nothing stays the same. As 'everything' is inclusive of attitudes that create or destroy lasting friendships, both sides must call upon humility to look deep inside to see how both egos drive their power struggle forward, causing each attempt to reconnect in whole/some ways to self destruct.
Time and again, personal strengths such as patience, positive focus and compassion prove necessary when everyone's concentration is so deeply mired in blaming others for each next traffic jam that no one pays any mind to me, holding up signs that clearly spell out: This way to exit ramp, open highway leading toward conflict resolution, directly ahead.
Today, I've come to understand why solitude on Walden Pond proved essential to Thoreau's peace of mind. When surrounded by the maddening throng, it's impossible to think deeply enough (clearly enough) to recognize the egocentric nature of self-defeating patterns, which cause our think tanks to buck up against the same problems, repeatedly.
*Once I decided to sweep old ghosts, lurching around inside dark pockets of my mind, out into the open, I stopped breathing life into the pretense that I'd 'gotten over' something, when, in truth, all I succeeded in doing was to shove a heart rending unhappiness under the rug. When any emotion is shoved under the rug, over long, passive aggressive reactions to repression can't help but skulk around deep inside. And now you know why I stay clear of the carpool lane in favor of driving my mind toward creating personal experiences, which offer up a greater sense of inner peace than had been possible when I'd tried to herd naysayers into my free flowing lane before readiness to leave power struggling behind was theirs. Whew! Thank God, insight into making that change (for the better) proved to be mine for the taking as soon as the pleaser in me gained insight into releasing subconscious fears of loneliness, lurking behind denial's walls.
As that first book in my self help library opened a door in mind, where instant gratification achieved goal after goal, I felt inspired to absorb as much information, concerning positive discipline, as my mind could soak in, and as each additional morsel of knowledge expanded my mind with techniques concerning cooperative methodology the more inquisitive I became. With time, I transformed from enthusiastic absorber to motivational speaker, whose enthusiastic approach to creating simple plans, serving the betterment of all, caught on wherever the director of the parenting program asked me to conduct a seminar or workshop, next. As problem solvers call upon the analytical portion of the brain's thought processing center, that portion of my brain got a good workout on a regular basis. And though practice does not make perfect, practice does create a high success rate, over time.
In fact, when some tell me that I’ve grown too analytical, I reply, ‘Growing is the right word, because I wasn’t born this way. Spurred on by heightened levels of success while leading my kids and then my classes to freely embrace skillful negotiating techniques, much of what I continue to read suggests that changes in attitude culminate in personal success, more often than not. Each time I pull patience out of my pocket, I reap this reward: While working to deepen my connection to analytical thought, puzzling situations cycle through my mind until bigger pictures shape up, allowing me to see how x led to y, which led to z.
One day a flash of insight illuminated this discovery for me: Training my brain to compute heightened levels of emotional intelligence equates with training the brain to compute complex problems, associated with higher mathematics! With that insight in mind, I've worked to develop the confidence to figure my way out of emotional mazes, which create traffic jams, where mindsets get stuck in ruts, which grow more negatively focused as horns blow, wheels spin, and hot air swirls into smoke screens, all to no avail, for this reason: As long as mindsets remain divisive, due to the fact that defensive attitudes exacerbate traffic jams, each will hold the other responsible for recreating the problem, when, insight into deeper truth, concerning both sides of human nature, suggests that everything gets better or worse, but nothing stays the same. As 'everything' is inclusive of attitudes that create or destroy lasting friendships, both sides must call upon humility to look deep inside to see how both egos drive their power struggle forward, causing each attempt to reconnect in whole/some ways to self destruct.
Time and again, personal strengths such as patience, positive focus and compassion prove necessary when everyone's concentration is so deeply mired in blaming others for each next traffic jam that no one pays any mind to me, holding up signs that clearly spell out: This way to exit ramp, open highway leading toward conflict resolution, directly ahead.
Today, I've come to understand why solitude on Walden Pond proved essential to Thoreau's peace of mind. When surrounded by the maddening throng, it's impossible to think deeply enough (clearly enough) to recognize the egocentric nature of self-defeating patterns, which cause our think tanks to buck up against the same problems, repeatedly.
*Once I decided to sweep old ghosts, lurching around inside dark pockets of my mind, out into the open, I stopped breathing life into the pretense that I'd 'gotten over' something, when, in truth, all I succeeded in doing was to shove a heart rending unhappiness under the rug. When any emotion is shoved under the rug, over long, passive aggressive reactions to repression can't help but skulk around deep inside. And now you know why I stay clear of the carpool lane in favor of driving my mind toward creating personal experiences, which offer up a greater sense of inner peace than had been possible when I'd tried to herd naysayers into my free flowing lane before readiness to leave power struggling behind was theirs. Whew! Thank God, insight into making that change (for the better) proved to be mine for the taking as soon as the pleaser in me gained insight into releasing subconscious fears of loneliness, lurking behind denial's walls.
"What good does it do to release those old feelings , Annie?"
"Well, I come to know more about myself, Mom. Think of Socrates: When he said, ‘Know thyself’, I believe the sage had meant to say: 'People of Athens—heed my words! If you walk through life, blind to latent insecurities, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, misperceptions and unmet needs, you’ll suffer unnecessary head on collisions, break ups, or breakdowns, because your trains of thought will continue to chug through dark tunnels of your minds where secrets that you keep from yourself will force you to crash into dead ends, and if your loco/motive drives your life force to crash, too often, into doorless, windowless, solid, brick walls ... you'll never end up where your spirit feels so free as to leap over naysayers, follow your heart and jump with joy over being true to your whole self, at long last!
Then, pausing to let that train of thought sink in, Socrates would inhale deeply before continuing with: If LIFE is to offer up a free flow of ideas back and forth then the narrow confines of each mind must expand—but here’s the rub: The older we get, the more challenged we feel about changing old habits and reconsidering traditional beliefs, which make us feel safe. If we are to preserve our nation's strengths, I implore you to join me in mustering the courage to sit on our egos, summon humility, and take long, honest looks into our mirrors—right now!'
Being a guy, Socrates tried to say all of that in two words ... Know thyself.
Perhaps this sage (whose orations, concerning disambiguation, rang out between 436-401 B.C.) had hoped that after his first two words soaked in, he'd gain the full attention of his peers. However, much to his dismay—a room full of impatient tribunes rose up and drowned out the voice of wisdom as each shouted aloud, 'Enough rhetoric, already! The ayes have it!' And with a raise of hands, the messenger of bad tidings was sentenced to die!
By way of this tragic travesty of justice, the sage—whose thoughts had considered the welfare of all—met with such an untimely, disrespected death, that those responsible for his demise could not know that his spirit would live on to fly through cyberspace from one generation to the next, whispering, 'Know thyself,' into the ears of truth seekers, who sit and write and post or stand on soap boxes, in hopes that the wisdom of Socrates may flow freely from ear to ear until, some day, analytical thought is absorbed into our daily lives, home by home, round the world, every day. At every age, life can feel fluid or our spirits can dam up."
Then, pausing to let that train of thought sink in, Socrates would inhale deeply before continuing with: If LIFE is to offer up a free flow of ideas back and forth then the narrow confines of each mind must expand—but here’s the rub: The older we get, the more challenged we feel about changing old habits and reconsidering traditional beliefs, which make us feel safe. If we are to preserve our nation's strengths, I implore you to join me in mustering the courage to sit on our egos, summon humility, and take long, honest looks into our mirrors—right now!'
Being a guy, Socrates tried to say all of that in two words ... Know thyself.
Perhaps this sage (whose orations, concerning disambiguation, rang out between 436-401 B.C.) had hoped that after his first two words soaked in, he'd gain the full attention of his peers. However, much to his dismay—a room full of impatient tribunes rose up and drowned out the voice of wisdom as each shouted aloud, 'Enough rhetoric, already! The ayes have it!' And with a raise of hands, the messenger of bad tidings was sentenced to die!
By way of this tragic travesty of justice, the sage—whose thoughts had considered the welfare of all—met with such an untimely, disrespected death, that those responsible for his demise could not know that his spirit would live on to fly through cyberspace from one generation to the next, whispering, 'Know thyself,' into the ears of truth seekers, who sit and write and post or stand on soap boxes, in hopes that the wisdom of Socrates may flow freely from ear to ear until, some day, analytical thought is absorbed into our daily lives, home by home, round the world, every day. At every age, life can feel fluid or our spirits can dam up."
By now, I'm laughing, and as laughter is contagious, Mom's sense of humor feels tickled, so chuckling along with me, she exclaims, “Annie, you're every bit as corny as Dad!"
At this, our eyes meet, and while taking turns expressing fond memories of The King of Corn—because in this way do we conjure the spirit of loved ones back to life—we're still chuckling as one funny story leads to the next. Then, while swinging the afternoon away, Mom and I enjoy a brief, peaceful pause in which each of us gets lost in our own thoughts ...
Alone with my thoughts while swinging next to our family's precious matriarch, I glance up at the top of my mountain, which our beloved patriarch had enthusiastically climbed. I picture my beloved father leading his grandchildren in tow, just like the Pied Piper, toward the heights of his love of nature. And while reminiscing, silently, considering the intimate nature of the friendship I'd enjoyed with my high spirited father, my heart rejoices over the friendships which he'd nurtured so naturally with each of his grand kids. Though missing my dad, deeply, I know myself to have been doubly blessed by the fact that the same warm, loving friendship, which Mom and I treasure is cherished by each of her grandchildren, as well. And thus, while missing Dad, somehow, I feel content as though the warmth of his presence is always close by ...
Whenever my gaze wanders up above the mountaintop and into the azure sky, which Dad had so often professed to love, I see my father's beloved face, covering the expanse of that sky, smiling down at me with sheer delight, as had been his habit whenever he and I had swung, side by side, engaging in conversation on this very swing. At some point, Mom breaks into my reverie by asking for more insight into my passion for analytic philosophy, which, time and again, proves classic, universal, timeless when making my way through each next puzzling situation, concerning human nature, proves necessary ... and as those who know me well would warn you, my thoughts tend to flow from a bottomless well ...
Whenever my gaze wanders up above the mountaintop and into the azure sky, which Dad had so often professed to love, I see my father's beloved face, covering the expanse of that sky, smiling down at me with sheer delight, as had been his habit whenever he and I had swung, side by side, engaging in conversation on this very swing. At some point, Mom breaks into my reverie by asking for more insight into my passion for analytic philosophy, which, time and again, proves classic, universal, timeless when making my way through each next puzzling situation, concerning human nature, proves necessary ... and as those who know me well would warn you, my thoughts tend to flow from a bottomless well ...
"Sooo, Annie—what did you mean when you said life is fluid?
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