2014
If you wonder if I ever get sick of
Diving into the depths of my mind in hopes of
Gaining insight into my need for personal growth
The answer is unequivocally YES!
On the other hand
Here's why I don't remain sick
Of seeking where personal growth proves
Necessary, overlong:
The other choice—namely
Diving ever more deeply into denial where
I Choose to remain stuck in a rut—
Causes me to linger in a place that feels bad for
This reason: I have to close my eyes to the fact that
I'm walking through life, blinding myself to
This deeper truth - behind my smile
My defense system is hiding the primary reason
Why the conscious portion of my mind often feels
Confused and unhappy, and since
The subconscious portion of my mind knows
What happened that makes me feel like
A bad person when I know myself to be a good person
My spirit, feeling trapped and conflicted between
Good and bad, yearns to rebel against feeling
Resigned to remain stuck in this confounding state of
Limbo, over long ... and as I'd experienced blindsiding
Myself, resigning my decision-maker to accept
Situations that weighed heavy on my spirit, over long
I came to see, during my separation from Will, that
The second choice led to unhealthy results
Not only for my spirit, but for my state of mind and
Body, as well, because every part of me proves
Intrinsically connected to that which makes me feel
Miserably disjointed or joyful and wholly alive, so—
Though tis true that I get sick of intuition compelling
My conscious mind to dive ever more deeply into
The realm of self awareness in hopes of gaining
Insight into pockets of my subconscious where
My need for personal growth hides from plain sight
You can see why I believe so firmly in
The importance of clearing my mind of
Yesteryear's excess baggage, thus creating
Less confusion and clutter, more brain space
In which to consciously transform vulnerabilities into
Strengths, which, in turn, empowers my mind to
Produce a boundless profusion of joy—which
My soaring spirit delights in sprinkling, all around
And BTW:
Here's what I feel at those times when
Each new stage of personal growth is
Actively transforming a portion of my think tank
To evolve into a stranger to myself:
I feel in need of offering myself peps talk as
Positively focused as this next one proves to be:
I know myself to embrace strangers as friends
And I'm known to treat my friends, very well
Therefore, I trust myself to embrace this stranger
Who is evolving inside me so that both of us can
Feel welcomed into a joyful place that
Will feel a lot better to both as soon as
We've blended into a healthy whole than wherever
I'd felt capable of taking myself, before
And—as that's been true of my history, over
These past twenty years—
Here comes the bottom line, for today:
No matter life's mysterious complexities
My growing sense of self trust serves me well
PS
In truth, I wrote a lot more than this, this morning
Why? Because I'm at that stage of personal growth where
Insights are popping out of my think tank, hot as
Kernels of corn, too many to relate with clarity until
I've taken time out to consider each one, separately, so as to
Lead myself toward an on-going series of mind-expanding
Breakthrough, each of which follows on the heels of
An epiphany, concerning my self worth, which
Proves of epic importance to my spirit's well being
And if I'm on target about this next curtain lifting inside my mind
Thus exposing yet another breakthrough in my wall of denial
I may be a step closer to revealing
The deep, dark, 'dirty' secret to myself, which
I've kept from my conscious mind in order to shield myself
From feeling the pain that my defense system thought best to
Repress ever since fate offered me reason to become
A terrified, deeply confounded child, and if you ask:
Annie, why are you writing about that secret, today?
Id reply: I've been feeling really fearful, this week—
And rather than fending off fear by sticking my head in the sand
I'm choosing to focus consciously upon digging in deep …
Why?
Because rather than running away from
That which I fear, most of all
My intuition has been readying me to confront this
Childhood terror, head on, for this reason:
By this time in my life—
I know my mind works best when
My strength of spirit casts thoughts of fear of failure aside in favor of
Setting my mind to confront undeserved guilt, as well as
Whatever else life tosses across my path, as a whole—
Sooo—Having absorbed the content of these past several posts
I wonder if your intuition has begun to send you this signal:
I've been readying my whole brain to feel prepared
For a showdown with loved ones—again—
However, this time, insight gained, concerning my last mind shift
Will strengthen my voice in this brand new way:
I'm discovering thought patterns in need of change
And as the only thought pattern I can change is my own
I'm thankful that my bi-monthly session of EMDR is, this afternoon
You see, I know full well that though I may not be able to
Solve my loved one's problems, I am worthy of being love—so
If I know that to be true, what am I in need of working at, next?
I am in need of converting 'knowing' to 'feeling'—
Feeling myself worthy of love, so that if contempt is flung at me—
I don't catch it or fling it back
My goal?
Fling contempt at me, feel my compassion for your pain from me
If you tune in, tomorrow, we'll see whether
My intuition—concerning my mind shift, feeling
Ready to embrace this next phase of personal growth—
Is on target—
Wishing you a five star day—
Your friend,
Annie
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