Awoke, this morning, at 7:30
Picked up my iPad
Reviewed yesterday's post
Added a few insights
Then, as that string of insights
Brightened my sense of awareness, once again
I had reason to believe that
Today's string of insights, which has percolated
Between my subconscious and conscious mind, over long
May be readying itself to coalesce and slip through
Cracks in my wall of denial, thus exposing
The self demeaning belief system, which zaps
My sense of well being with sudden spikes of anxiety—
And then, the next thing I knew, it was quarter to nine!
As our house guests planned to depart at 9AM
My mind switched gears from deep thinker to thoughtful friend
So—after grooming myself, quick as a wink
I enjoyed a cup of java with our guests, who
Being early risers, had already indulged in
A small repast before taking their customary morning walk
Then, while accompanying our dear friends—who
Reside in the forested, uppermost region of the
Northwestern United States—to our front door
Will and I wished them safe travels as
Their wanderlust transports the pair toward
Desert adventures elsewhere throughout our arid state
And with hopes of enjoying
Each other's company, again, before too long
We four took turns hugging each other close
Being early risers, had already indulged in
A small repast before taking their customary morning walk
Then, while accompanying our dear friends—who
Reside in the forested, uppermost region of the
Northwestern United States—to our front door
Will and I wished them safe travels as
Their wanderlust transports the pair toward
Desert adventures elsewhere throughout our arid state
And with hopes of enjoying
Each other's company, again, before too long
We four took turns hugging each other close
As soon as they drove off
All of me felt free to flip the switch within my head toward
Addressing my compelling need to heal my brain from
Re-experiencing on-going floods of confusion, which
Create spikes of anxiety, caused by PTSD, suggesting that
Intuition is coaching me to seek out my computer, sit down and
Translate yesterday's string of insights into
A clearly defined lineup of inter-related, self demeaning beliefs, which
Having brewed within subconscious pockets for most of my life
May actually be on the verge of cognitive release, suggesting that
My brain has been working to ready itself to transition from
Suffering through subconscious bouts of anxiety, based in PTSD, toward
Empowering my conscious awareness to take this leap of faith:
Over these past few years, I have actually worked, successfully
To grow to be the self assured adult, whom
I'd misguidedly believed myself to be until
My quest into self discovery proved that assumption
In serious need of insight driven reconsideration!
So, with intuition as my guide, I have a strong suspicion that
Clarity—concerning that set of inter-related subconscious beliefs, which
Has been in serious need of reconsideration since
I was a child of three—is about
To expose the self defeating belief system that buried my personal sense of safety
Within a swirl of confusion that kept the development of my identity stuck in this rut:
In order to quell subconscious anxiety from haunting my every decision
My defense system created a safety net to catch my two greatest fears:
Fear of abandonment and fear of failure …
More, tomorrow—concerning this self demeaning belief system, based in
PTSD, which I believe will be in need of
Conscious reprocessing by way of EMDR therapy …
Your friend,
Annie
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