1157 INSTANT REPLAY …

2014
I changed my mind:
Rather than publishing one of last week's posts
I had need to review yesterday's string of insights—and
While reading, more were added …
Why?
Well—upon awakening, today
I felt anxious, again—and intuition has just suggested why:
While working to peel away at each layer of my self protective wall
An ever-deepening sense of unprocessed and thus
Raw vulnerability, lurking in subconscious pockets of my mind, is exposed

As exposing unhealed wounds to self esteem
Proves the main purpose of therapy—
Each bout of anxiety is actually a good thing—in keeping with
No pain, no gain

Each time another layer of vulnerability
Secreted from conscious awareness
Is exposed to the light of day
My body re-experiences the heightened state of anxiety, which
Mother Nature had thought best to hide behind
My wall of denial when I was a terrified child

As tolerating this heightened level of anxiety—
Which for many years had remained flash frozen and thus
Numbed within subconscious recesses of my mind—
Proves to be an essential part of this on-going process whereby
My brain is actually healing itself from PTSD, my therapist commends
The depths of my courage, repeatedly

On the other hand, I sure do miss being able to retrieve
My sunny smile by diving right back into denial—
Big sigh …

As tolerating heightened levels of anxiety proves far from easy
I feel thankful that my next session of EMDR is tomorrow—
Which is only a day away—
I mean—seriously—
No one misses my sunny smile more than me!

PS
So which coach shall I place on the playing field, today?
The one, within, who heightens my stress by putting me down?
Or the one who calls time out to remind
The seasoned player within my conscious mind to focus upon
My personal strengths, which empower my bright side to
Overcome fear each time intuition inspires me
To dive, yet again, into my dark side until
I've gained so much yardage as to ready
My subconscious to release that
Final string of insights, which will reveal
The entirety of the deep, dark secret that
Haunts my well being to this very day—

Hey!  I just had a thought!
What if recent spikes of anxiety are gathering closer together
Because the secret within is readying itself for exposure???

Gosh—the angry bird inside me can't wait to knock
The bully, who attacks from within, out of the game—once and for all!
GO!  FIGHT!  WIN!

Whew!  Thanks to my cheer squad—I feel somewhat better!
Have a nice day …
Your impassioned friend,
Annie