Cars for Cancer?
What's that?
Cars for Cancer, it's a charity ...
They'll actually come and cart Big Red away for free?
And we'll get a tax credit for donating Big Red?
Yes, they salvage and sell the car's functioning parts :)
Where did we get such welcome information?
A newspaper ad or article?
A friend?
Can't remember that
But I remember this:
Smiles all around
A guy who went to high school with me, now a car dealer in Phoenix
Wrote the appraisal and as receiving a substantial tax break
Made Dad dance for joy
As did Barry ...
Mom, happy to see her men folk happy, is the only one who
Stands at the front door, watching wistfully on that fateful day
When Cars for Cancer
Hooks trusty friend up to tow truck and hauls Big Red away
Wistful ... why?
Because Red personifies countless happy family moments
Which had offered my spirit reason
To sparkle with parental satisfaction
And as Big Red had been the first car, chosen by and for myself ...
And since we remember our 'firsts'
And since I have been bumped back to
Driving a hand-me-down, again ... well ...
Upon reflection, I guess it's fair to surmise that
The lump rising in my throat
While watching Red towed out of our circular driveway ...
And down the street until she turns the corner and
Without so much as a wave, disappears—forever
Is due to the fact that one side of my mind
Mirrors Barry's inner conflict because
In all honesty ...
I'm not happy to be driving a hand me down that
Was not 'me' when it was new
I mean anyone who knows me would agree to this fact:
If shown every color in the rainbow
Brown and beige are the last colors
That this person, whose ski nickname was 'Red'
Would freely choose to decorate her life
I mean, brown and beige may be great—but not for me
And though reflection suggests that
A resentful slice of my mind bristles
Each time I slide into the driver's seat of today's hand-me-down
My self respect has not yet developed a voice, directing
The pleaser in me to sit in time out so that
Emotional maturity can stand up and clearly
Declare myself my husband's equal partner in the roles that
We'd chosen (?) for ourselves early on when inexperience
Had yet to consider this fact:
A conscious connection to personal growth
Proves necessary at each stage of life if
We hope to develop into the most mature version of ourselves
And as that train of thought had not yet dawned on either of us, and
Since I'd not yet thought to identify my needs—which had
A way of whispering resignation into my ear, every day ...
I had no awareness of my need to expand upon
Mindsets inherited from my parents' generation, which had imprinted
An indelible sense of right and wrong into my mind, concerning
The good girl role I should accept as my own in terms of family life
And since honoring my spirit's independent need for
Personal growth had not yet clarified inside my mind's eye
I'd no clue as to which of my attitudes
Continued to remain firmly rooted
Within my brain's grammar school rule book ...
And as long as I remained unaware of
My sixth sense whispering of my need for
Expansive thought processing change ...
And as long as I remained unaware of
Which mindsets had been in need of reconsideration
I had no clue as to that which irritated my sense of inner peace
And here is why this confused state of mind persisted for years:
The logical part of my mind had no clue that
No one could give my think tank permission
To think freely and clearly and rationally and expansively about
Changing my attachment to mindsets
That forbade me from identifying much less meeting
My needs except for—me
In the absence of self awareness, the whispers of
My spirit voice could not be heard, guiding me toward
Mustering the courage to expand narrow mindsets which had
Constricted my need for personal growth
In the absence of logic, speaking truth to me ...
Inner conflict continued to power-struggle with
Opportunity's attempts to entice me to experiment with
Positively focused change
And as I'd no clue that inner conflict is actually
Opportunity signaling my mind, repeatedly,
To consider my spirit's need to
Experiment with personal growth experientially ...
Most of my mind leaned toward paying attention to
That which had always been expected of me rather than
Reconsidering which overbearing mindset was
In need of remodeling, and thus
Rather than making good use of logic to embrace
Positively focused change by mustering
The courage to truly think for myself—
I placed personal growth in time out until
My spirit sunk into a complacent but resentful funk ...
And as long as my spirit's need for personal growth
Escaped my conscious awareness—
I'd no clue of my need to sweep
Outdated 'shoulds'—which clutter
Every mind to one extent or the other—out of my junk drawer
On the other hand, I also had no clue that
Inner conflict suggests that
One side of my mind is signaling the other side to
Pay attention to my spirit's need to
Free up all of my brain space in hopes of
My wholly embracing
A brand new sense of personal freedom, which
Would permit me to choose a path where
I'd continue to develop into
My truest, most mature adult self ... but, alas ...
Emotional turbulence caused my mind
To remain stuck, wandering through
A darkly confused, never ending maze to question why
Mother Nature gave us the gift of inner conflict in the first place!
Upon embarking on my quest for self discovery
I came to see inner conflict as Mother Nature's way
Of suggesting that I needed to open both eyes, both ears and
Both sides of our brains in order to absorb deeper truths like this one:
During moments fraught with inner conflict, it seems like
My two most important values are at war:
Be true to yourself
Be true to those you love
In the absence of logic ...
I'd thought those two values were at war inside my head
In the absence of logic ...
I'd embraced the false premise that inner conflict made
Me to go to war against myself
And as long as my mind was divided
I failed to see inner conflict as
Guiding my sense of logic toward reconsidering
Mindsets too limiting for personal growth
So how did I learn to resolve inner conflict which
Divides my mind against itself? Well— one day
My spirit voice stood up and instructed both sides of my mind
To connect and dive as a whole
A whole lot deeper into my soul than ever before—until
My courageous adventures into soul searching discovered
One insight after another—until
A string of insights lit up every corner of my entire brain
Offering me clarity into a slew of deeper truths, such as this one:
The sum of my traits makes up my whole, true self!
On the day when the light at the end of the tunnel
Finally offered me a clear shot at
Expanding my narrow mindset, concerning
My two most important values being at war
Clarity shone a spot light upon a misperception, which had
Thwarted my mind from exploring
The great unknown with self trust intact ... and ...
Guess who appeared inside my mind's eye, directing
The spot light at deeper truth?
None other than the spirit of Socrates, who'd hovered so closely
To my sense of balance as to whisper
Deeper truth into both of my ears, thus
Inspiring me to absorb sage advice, pouring common sense into
Both sides of my brain: Annie, whispered the sage ...
Readiness is everything, so when thou doth believe
The time is ripe to fill your sixth sense with self trust
That's when your spirit voice will redirect your think tank
To seriously consider this fact:
Your two most highly revered values are not at war, at all
In fact, deeper truth suggests that
Your two most highly revered values are
Actually one and the same!
At this, my mind reeled, the maze seeming
More confounding than ever before
And seeing my confusion, Socrates, smiled patiently while
Whispering, once again, that if I wanted
To make better use of logic
I'd need to dive into my think tank ever more deeply—
Repeatedly—until I emerged from soul-searching with
Buried treasure in the form of an insight that
Proved more vital to my sense of personal freedom than
Any highlighted in any post, thus far
And as I graciously sponge up every sageful thought that
I've chosen to read and absorb about personal growth ...
My spirit held it's breath while I dived with both eyes and both ears
Open, ever more earnestly, into the deep end of my mind, where
I chose to swim through rapids
Of swirling whirlpools of thought until clarity clarified
The bigger picture that Socrates had
So valiantly pointed out to me time and again ... and
Here is the insightful treasure that clarified my spiritual need for
Expansive mindsets as never before:
Socrates said: Annie, you can not be true to those you love
Until you are true to acknowledging and accepting
Both sides of yourself
At this I gasped, swallowed water and choked out
A breathless—OMG—why didn't anyone think to tell me this before?
Smiling sagely, Socrates replied: Somethings we need to learn
For ourselves, and that's why experience proves the best
Teacher, time and again
With this deeper truth tucked into my bonnet
A bright light of crystal clear clarity
Swept daunting smokescreens out of my conscious mind
And this dawning was mine:
I could not be true to myself unless
I grew to know know myself, through and through and
I could not know myself, through and through
until I'd specifically identified my unmet needs
I mean think about it:
If I am not honest with myself then pretense leads me astray
And if I walk through life cloaked in pretense than how
Can I hope to be true to anyone who thinks to know me well???
As Socrates listened to both sides of my mind speaking as one
The sage clapped with delight and with a flutter of wings
He straightened his halo while saying: By jove, I think she's got it!
Then, tossing me a cheek splitting grin
My spirit friend disappeared into thin air
As for me, well, so absorbed was I
In my new train of thought that
I barely heard wisdom's last whispery insight—
Annie, you've chosen to live an exemplary good-girl life ...
As you approach life's fourth challenging stage, it's time to believe
That you deserve to bend rules and experiment with experiencing pure joy
So give yourself a break, embrace inner conflict as a gift, take
As many leaps of faith as personal growth can accept and—just go for it! :)
Upon sensing my whole mind offering my wholesome self
Permission to experience pure joy—no matter how many
Challenges life heaps upon my plate
My brow began to unfurrow; however, my mind was still
So deep in thought, trying to make sense of
Being true to my loved ones and myself all at once that
I could not even begin to consider
My need to experience pure joy—no matter
What else was going on as of yet ...
So here I am, questioning how to make good use of logic
In hopes of being true to my loved ones as well as myself
When suddenly—my swirling thoughts, swarming like fireflies
Caught in a jar, whirl into this giant sized, electrifying epiphany:
I could not be true to my loved ones until
I identified my unmet needs, and
Satisfying my needs meant not closing the door
To that which offered my spirit sound reason to soar with joy
And if I continued to subbornly deny my spirit's need
To accept life's generosity in continuing to
Offer me opportunities to enjoy experiences
That enriched my mind with purity of thought that resulted in
Suffusing my entire being, through and through with joy
Then my connection to personal growth
Would decrease in direct proportion to
My choice to ignore my needs—which I had done, good naturedly
For most of my life ...
By jove—Socrates was right—I got it!!
I got this epiphanastic train of thought, born of
KNOW THYSELF
Suggesting that each time I ignore opportunity's gift
To experience pure joy ...
I am not being true to my deepest self, at all—
And if I am not true to myself then ...
I am not myself, and if not myself, then who am I?
Well, I can tell you this! I am certainly not a guy ...
Because had I been a guy like Socrates,
I'd have said all of this in two words: Know thyself
But being a woman, I do my thinking out loud
And not until I know both sides of myself
And choose to free myself to truly be myself
Can I expect myself to be true to anyone
Who, as of now, mistakenly thinks to know me well?
In short, how often do I hide thoughts and feelings
That my spirit really needs to consciously consider
Concerning thriving by reconsidering mindsets
Based in the 'shoulds'?
Each time I recall being blessed by mindful visits
With the sage—
Who'd been poisoned for voicing his beliefs by
The narrow minded fears of his peers—
I smile at this thought:
Before I can truly be myself and give the best of myself
I must Know more about myself ...
Not the self I think to know, today, but I must acknowledge
Traits that arise from within my mind when my needs are denied
Traits which my egocentric self perception
Refuses to acknowledge!
And once this brand new awareness, concerning blind denial
Burned bright within my soul
This very good girl began to develop into
A free spirited, mindfully self aware adult who
Chooses to experiment with bending this rule and that rule
Just enough to allow my spirit
To enjoy experiential connection with fulfilling my unmet needs ...
And each time the courageous side of my mind
Chooses to sweep another narrow mindset that
Fills my mind with self doubt to the curb, thus
Opening brain space for positive focus, which offers my spirit
Permission to connect freely
With an energy source that suffuses my whole being with pure joy
My spirit soars so high that all of me sparkles as naturally as
A beam of pure sunlight streaking across
The endless expanse of a clear blue sky ... and
As a result of consciously choosing to free my spirit to
Attach to a balance of emotion and common sense
I offer both sides of my mind clear/ance from fear to
Satisfy reasonable portions of my ummet needs ...
And as long as I focuse my sights on this positive path
Every atom of my being feels free to wholly
Offer my loved ones more of my positively focused side
Than ever before, suggesting that by
Fulfilling my needs—in moderation
My spirit energizes generosity to fulfill more of their needs without
Alfred Proofrock's resignation burning a slowly smoldering hole
Into my overall sense of well being
Therefore, each time I permit the essence of my spirit
To freely interconnect with my source of pure joy
My connection to balanced wellness feels fully stoked!
So having stuck with me during this stream of consciousness
Perhaps you, too, can see why I feel the need
To pen posts like these, concerning insights clarifying this fact:
When I am true to myself in terms of
Fulfilling my needs
That's when I truly offer the best of myself
To my loved ones, as well!
Uh—on another note I feel the need to switch tracks, because—
Along with self trust comes responsibility in terms of
Self restraint, which stops me
From running headlong into the great unknown—mindlessly ...
At this point, emotional maturity relies upon the partnership of
Patience, generosity of spirit, self contol, creative thinking and
good natured common sense (logic) to serve as my daily guides
At this point, insight into the courage of my convictions believes
That given time to dive, clarity into confounding emotional turmoil
Will sweep consterntion, based in not valuing inner conflict, away
Therefore, each time
Inner conflict disrupts my sense of inner peace, today ...
I swim toward it cautiously, with
Both eyes seeking positive focus and
Both ears atuned to Socrates whispering of ...
Know thy need for personal growth
And each time I have reason to reconsider
Yesterday's limited perceptions concerning
What constitutes my proper role
In our family's life, I remind myself to consider this fact:
Everyone's needs tend to change for sound reason at
Every stage of life
Once your friend, Annie, came to understand how often
My attachment to yesterday's proprieties
Had limited my ability to accept the importance of
My personal feelings, points of view and
Independent trains of thought, I embraced
Both sides of my mind belong 'soully' to—me
And the more I come to know and accept myself as a whole
The more I experience bright streaks of insight
Riding out of my depths on trains of thought, which
Highlight deeper truths like those, which—
Dancing free of fearful restraint—
Fly free of old mindsets and soar out into cyberspace
In post after post, day after day ... and
If you ask ... Annie, don't you regret having waited so long
To offer your emotional intelligence
The freedom to meet your needs while
Taking good care of
The needs of those you love, I'd say ... seriously ...
Readiness is everything for this sound reason:
Maturity in terms of balancing emotion with
Independent thought, concerning
Perfection—which we have been taught
To expect of ourselves takes patience, because
Personal development does not take place over night ...
In fact, the very nature of the word development suggests
Mindsets inching forward on a positively focused path ...
Where each person makes headway toward embracing
An emotionally healthy, wholesome sense of
Open minded expansion one painful step at a time
And as we each tread upon this path, inner conflict persists until
Strings of interconnected insights into deeper truth brighten
Dark spots inside your mind like sunbeams so bright as to
Streak straight through confusion until
You feel the epiphany of clarity suggesting
Socrates whispering of wisdom in terms of accepting
Both sides of yourself as a healthy, whole, imperfect human being
And upon embracing yourself as a whole
Your spirit may feel as enriched and peaceful as mine
... And—Oh my gosh ...
Please believe me when I say that
Each time I remember to accept both sides of me as
A whole (emotionally balanced) human being
Your friend, Annie, experiences
A truly indescribably serene sense of relief—Super whew!! :)
And now that you've read
This stream of consciousness, which poured out freely from within
My open minded, sense of self trust, I hope you, too
May choose to embrace inner conflict, which causes the mind
To wrestle with a sense of restlessness that indicates
Your need for personal growth, resulting in pure joy :)
BTW if you think that upon awakening, today, I had any clue of
Penning this post about my gaining insight into how
My subconscious works in tandem with my conscious awareness
Until my sixth sense expands the narrow scope of
My mindsets until—
Epiphany has gained every opportunity to break through
Painful bouts of inner conflict, like
A chick pecking it's way out of it's self-protective shell—well—
Please think again ... because
At this point in my development
My spirit gives my brain free rein to pen
Streams of consciousness until trains of thought
Pull both sides of my mind
Into stations where my quest for understanding life and love
Goes toe to toe with
Bouts of inner conflict that suggests my brain interacting with growth
You see, if I hope to gracefully change mindsets, striding
Toward making gains in growth past yesterday's pain then
I must embrace the fact that working toward clarity
Into deeper truth actually takes place
Inside the depths of both sides of my mind 24 hour a day!
And honestly, you can believe me when I say that
Here is the most vital insight that I've gleaned
From my visits with the spirit of Socraties, thus far:
An insight a day holds the blues at bay!!! :) :) :)
If asked what's claiming space inside my mind, right now, I'd reply—
Well, I've used up all my time to write, today, because my son, Steven, who has grown to be a free thinking, deeply thoughtful, compassionate and productive adult just called—
Hi Mom—we can all use a good laugh, so let's take Pop to see a dumb movie, today.
Though Steven's plate is overflowing, right now, our son knows the serious nature of what's going on with us—and his heartfelt idea is just what the doctor ordered, so after jumping into the hot tub to excerise the good health of my body, I'll ready my spirit to enjoy popcorn and the company of this loving son, who'd had the good fortune not to squire girls in my trusty, rusty friend, Big Red—uhhh, on second thought, I think it best to satisfy my sudden need to release one last train of thought before closing up shop for today ...
When life's serious stuff causes our family to wear furrowed frowns
We take turns figuring out how
To turn our frowns into smiles, all around
Originally, creating positively focused change in terms of
Considering everyone's needs, reasonably
Did not take place, naturally ...
Originally, creating positive change
Demanded years of well grounded, deep thinking, all around ...
First on the part of role modeling leadership
And now—resultant of
Leadership's attentiveness to positively focused mindset expansion—
Guess who's reaping the rewards of fruitful ideas circling round :)
Tomorrow—we adventure toward—Big Red's surprising replacement ... :)
What's that?
Cars for Cancer, it's a charity ...
They'll actually come and cart Big Red away for free?
And we'll get a tax credit for donating Big Red?
Yes, they salvage and sell the car's functioning parts :)
Where did we get such welcome information?
A newspaper ad or article?
A friend?
Can't remember that
But I remember this:
Smiles all around
A guy who went to high school with me, now a car dealer in Phoenix
Wrote the appraisal and as receiving a substantial tax break
Made Dad dance for joy
As did Barry ...
Mom, happy to see her men folk happy, is the only one who
Stands at the front door, watching wistfully on that fateful day
When Cars for Cancer
Hooks trusty friend up to tow truck and hauls Big Red away
Wistful ... why?
Because Red personifies countless happy family moments
Which had offered my spirit reason
To sparkle with parental satisfaction
And as Big Red had been the first car, chosen by and for myself ...
And since we remember our 'firsts'
And since I have been bumped back to
Driving a hand-me-down, again ... well ...
Upon reflection, I guess it's fair to surmise that
The lump rising in my throat
While watching Red towed out of our circular driveway ...
And down the street until she turns the corner and
Without so much as a wave, disappears—forever
Is due to the fact that one side of my mind
Mirrors Barry's inner conflict because
In all honesty ...
I'm not happy to be driving a hand me down that
Was not 'me' when it was new
I mean anyone who knows me would agree to this fact:
If shown every color in the rainbow
Brown and beige are the last colors
That this person, whose ski nickname was 'Red'
Would freely choose to decorate her life
I mean, brown and beige may be great—but not for me
And though reflection suggests that
A resentful slice of my mind bristles
Each time I slide into the driver's seat of today's hand-me-down
My self respect has not yet developed a voice, directing
The pleaser in me to sit in time out so that
Emotional maturity can stand up and clearly
Declare myself my husband's equal partner in the roles that
We'd chosen (?) for ourselves early on when inexperience
Had yet to consider this fact:
A conscious connection to personal growth
Proves necessary at each stage of life if
We hope to develop into the most mature version of ourselves
And as that train of thought had not yet dawned on either of us, and
Since I'd not yet thought to identify my needs—which had
A way of whispering resignation into my ear, every day ...
I had no awareness of my need to expand upon
Mindsets inherited from my parents' generation, which had imprinted
An indelible sense of right and wrong into my mind, concerning
The good girl role I should accept as my own in terms of family life
And since honoring my spirit's independent need for
Personal growth had not yet clarified inside my mind's eye
I'd no clue as to which of my attitudes
Continued to remain firmly rooted
Within my brain's grammar school rule book ...
And as long as I remained unaware of
My sixth sense whispering of my need for
Expansive thought processing change ...
And as long as I remained unaware of
Which mindsets had been in need of reconsideration
I had no clue as to that which irritated my sense of inner peace
And here is why this confused state of mind persisted for years:
The logical part of my mind had no clue that
No one could give my think tank permission
To think freely and clearly and rationally and expansively about
Changing my attachment to mindsets
That forbade me from identifying much less meeting
My needs except for—me
In the absence of self awareness, the whispers of
My spirit voice could not be heard, guiding me toward
Mustering the courage to expand narrow mindsets which had
Constricted my need for personal growth
In the absence of logic, speaking truth to me ...
Inner conflict continued to power-struggle with
Opportunity's attempts to entice me to experiment with
Positively focused change
And as I'd no clue that inner conflict is actually
Opportunity signaling my mind, repeatedly,
To consider my spirit's need to
Experiment with personal growth experientially ...
Most of my mind leaned toward paying attention to
That which had always been expected of me rather than
Reconsidering which overbearing mindset was
In need of remodeling, and thus
Rather than making good use of logic to embrace
Positively focused change by mustering
The courage to truly think for myself—
I placed personal growth in time out until
My spirit sunk into a complacent but resentful funk ...
And as long as my spirit's need for personal growth
Escaped my conscious awareness—
I'd no clue of my need to sweep
Outdated 'shoulds'—which clutter
Every mind to one extent or the other—out of my junk drawer
On the other hand, I also had no clue that
Inner conflict suggests that
One side of my mind is signaling the other side to
Pay attention to my spirit's need to
Free up all of my brain space in hopes of
My wholly embracing
A brand new sense of personal freedom, which
Would permit me to choose a path where
I'd continue to develop into
My truest, most mature adult self ... but, alas ...
Emotional turbulence caused my mind
To remain stuck, wandering through
A darkly confused, never ending maze to question why
Mother Nature gave us the gift of inner conflict in the first place!
Upon embarking on my quest for self discovery
I came to see inner conflict as Mother Nature's way
Of suggesting that I needed to open both eyes, both ears and
Both sides of our brains in order to absorb deeper truths like this one:
During moments fraught with inner conflict, it seems like
My two most important values are at war:
Be true to yourself
Be true to those you love
In the absence of logic ...
I'd thought those two values were at war inside my head
In the absence of logic ...
I'd embraced the false premise that inner conflict made
Me to go to war against myself
And as long as my mind was divided
I failed to see inner conflict as
Guiding my sense of logic toward reconsidering
Mindsets too limiting for personal growth
So how did I learn to resolve inner conflict which
Divides my mind against itself? Well— one day
My spirit voice stood up and instructed both sides of my mind
To connect and dive as a whole
A whole lot deeper into my soul than ever before—until
My courageous adventures into soul searching discovered
One insight after another—until
A string of insights lit up every corner of my entire brain
Offering me clarity into a slew of deeper truths, such as this one:
The sum of my traits makes up my whole, true self!
On the day when the light at the end of the tunnel
Finally offered me a clear shot at
Expanding my narrow mindset, concerning
My two most important values being at war
Clarity shone a spot light upon a misperception, which had
Thwarted my mind from exploring
The great unknown with self trust intact ... and ...
Guess who appeared inside my mind's eye, directing
The spot light at deeper truth?
None other than the spirit of Socrates, who'd hovered so closely
To my sense of balance as to whisper
Deeper truth into both of my ears, thus
Inspiring me to absorb sage advice, pouring common sense into
Both sides of my brain: Annie, whispered the sage ...
Readiness is everything, so when thou doth believe
The time is ripe to fill your sixth sense with self trust
That's when your spirit voice will redirect your think tank
To seriously consider this fact:
Your two most highly revered values are not at war, at all
In fact, deeper truth suggests that
Your two most highly revered values are
Actually one and the same!
At this, my mind reeled, the maze seeming
More confounding than ever before
And seeing my confusion, Socrates, smiled patiently while
Whispering, once again, that if I wanted
To make better use of logic
I'd need to dive into my think tank ever more deeply—
Repeatedly—until I emerged from soul-searching with
Buried treasure in the form of an insight that
Proved more vital to my sense of personal freedom than
Any highlighted in any post, thus far
And as I graciously sponge up every sageful thought that
I've chosen to read and absorb about personal growth ...
My spirit held it's breath while I dived with both eyes and both ears
Open, ever more earnestly, into the deep end of my mind, where
I chose to swim through rapids
Of swirling whirlpools of thought until clarity clarified
The bigger picture that Socrates had
So valiantly pointed out to me time and again ... and
Here is the insightful treasure that clarified my spiritual need for
Expansive mindsets as never before:
Socrates said: Annie, you can not be true to those you love
Until you are true to acknowledging and accepting
Both sides of yourself
At this I gasped, swallowed water and choked out
A breathless—OMG—why didn't anyone think to tell me this before?
Smiling sagely, Socrates replied: Somethings we need to learn
For ourselves, and that's why experience proves the best
Teacher, time and again
With this deeper truth tucked into my bonnet
A bright light of crystal clear clarity
Swept daunting smokescreens out of my conscious mind
And this dawning was mine:
I could not be true to myself unless
I grew to know know myself, through and through and
I could not know myself, through and through
until I'd specifically identified my unmet needs
I mean think about it:
If I am not honest with myself then pretense leads me astray
And if I walk through life cloaked in pretense than how
Can I hope to be true to anyone who thinks to know me well???
As Socrates listened to both sides of my mind speaking as one
The sage clapped with delight and with a flutter of wings
He straightened his halo while saying: By jove, I think she's got it!
Then, tossing me a cheek splitting grin
My spirit friend disappeared into thin air
As for me, well, so absorbed was I
In my new train of thought that
I barely heard wisdom's last whispery insight—
Annie, you've chosen to live an exemplary good-girl life ...
As you approach life's fourth challenging stage, it's time to believe
That you deserve to bend rules and experiment with experiencing pure joy
So give yourself a break, embrace inner conflict as a gift, take
As many leaps of faith as personal growth can accept and—just go for it! :)
Upon sensing my whole mind offering my wholesome self
Permission to experience pure joy—no matter how many
Challenges life heaps upon my plate
My brow began to unfurrow; however, my mind was still
So deep in thought, trying to make sense of
Being true to my loved ones and myself all at once that
I could not even begin to consider
My need to experience pure joy—no matter
What else was going on as of yet ...
So here I am, questioning how to make good use of logic
In hopes of being true to my loved ones as well as myself
When suddenly—my swirling thoughts, swarming like fireflies
Caught in a jar, whirl into this giant sized, electrifying epiphany:
I could not be true to my loved ones until
I identified my unmet needs, and
Satisfying my needs meant not closing the door
To that which offered my spirit sound reason to soar with joy
And if I continued to subbornly deny my spirit's need
To accept life's generosity in continuing to
Offer me opportunities to enjoy experiences
That enriched my mind with purity of thought that resulted in
Suffusing my entire being, through and through with joy
Then my connection to personal growth
Would decrease in direct proportion to
My choice to ignore my needs—which I had done, good naturedly
For most of my life ...
By jove—Socrates was right—I got it!!
I got this epiphanastic train of thought, born of
KNOW THYSELF
Suggesting that each time I ignore opportunity's gift
To experience pure joy ...
I am not being true to my deepest self, at all—
And if I am not true to myself then ...
I am not myself, and if not myself, then who am I?
Well, I can tell you this! I am certainly not a guy ...
Because had I been a guy like Socrates,
I'd have said all of this in two words: Know thyself
But being a woman, I do my thinking out loud
And not until I know both sides of myself
And choose to free myself to truly be myself
Can I expect myself to be true to anyone
Who, as of now, mistakenly thinks to know me well?
In short, how often do I hide thoughts and feelings
That my spirit really needs to consciously consider
Concerning thriving by reconsidering mindsets
Based in the 'shoulds'?
Each time I recall being blessed by mindful visits
With the sage—
Who'd been poisoned for voicing his beliefs by
The narrow minded fears of his peers—
I smile at this thought:
Before I can truly be myself and give the best of myself
I must Know more about myself ...
Not the self I think to know, today, but I must acknowledge
Traits that arise from within my mind when my needs are denied
Traits which my egocentric self perception
Refuses to acknowledge!
And once this brand new awareness, concerning blind denial
Burned bright within my soul
This very good girl began to develop into
A free spirited, mindfully self aware adult who
Chooses to experiment with bending this rule and that rule
Just enough to allow my spirit
To enjoy experiential connection with fulfilling my unmet needs ...
And each time the courageous side of my mind
Chooses to sweep another narrow mindset that
Fills my mind with self doubt to the curb, thus
Opening brain space for positive focus, which offers my spirit
Permission to connect freely
With an energy source that suffuses my whole being with pure joy
My spirit soars so high that all of me sparkles as naturally as
A beam of pure sunlight streaking across
The endless expanse of a clear blue sky ... and
As a result of consciously choosing to free my spirit to
Attach to a balance of emotion and common sense
I offer both sides of my mind clear/ance from fear to
Satisfy reasonable portions of my ummet needs ...
And as long as I focuse my sights on this positive path
Every atom of my being feels free to wholly
Offer my loved ones more of my positively focused side
Than ever before, suggesting that by
Fulfilling my needs—in moderation
My spirit energizes generosity to fulfill more of their needs without
Alfred Proofrock's resignation burning a slowly smoldering hole
Into my overall sense of well being
Therefore, each time I permit the essence of my spirit
To freely interconnect with my source of pure joy
My connection to balanced wellness feels fully stoked!
So having stuck with me during this stream of consciousness
Perhaps you, too, can see why I feel the need
To pen posts like these, concerning insights clarifying this fact:
When I am true to myself in terms of
Fulfilling my needs
That's when I truly offer the best of myself
To my loved ones, as well!
Uh—on another note I feel the need to switch tracks, because—
Along with self trust comes responsibility in terms of
Self restraint, which stops me
From running headlong into the great unknown—mindlessly ...
At this point, emotional maturity relies upon the partnership of
Patience, generosity of spirit, self contol, creative thinking and
good natured common sense (logic) to serve as my daily guides
At this point, insight into the courage of my convictions believes
That given time to dive, clarity into confounding emotional turmoil
Will sweep consterntion, based in not valuing inner conflict, away
Therefore, each time
Inner conflict disrupts my sense of inner peace, today ...
I swim toward it cautiously, with
Both eyes seeking positive focus and
Both ears atuned to Socrates whispering of ...
Know thy need for personal growth
And each time I have reason to reconsider
Yesterday's limited perceptions concerning
What constitutes my proper role
In our family's life, I remind myself to consider this fact:
Everyone's needs tend to change for sound reason at
Every stage of life
Once your friend, Annie, came to understand how often
My attachment to yesterday's proprieties
Had limited my ability to accept the importance of
My personal feelings, points of view and
Independent trains of thought, I embraced
Both sides of my mind belong 'soully' to—me
And the more I come to know and accept myself as a whole
The more I experience bright streaks of insight
Riding out of my depths on trains of thought, which
Highlight deeper truths like those, which—
Dancing free of fearful restraint—
Fly free of old mindsets and soar out into cyberspace
In post after post, day after day ... and
If you ask ... Annie, don't you regret having waited so long
To offer your emotional intelligence
The freedom to meet your needs while
Taking good care of
The needs of those you love, I'd say ... seriously ...
Readiness is everything for this sound reason:
Maturity in terms of balancing emotion with
Independent thought, concerning
Perfection—which we have been taught
To expect of ourselves takes patience, because
Personal development does not take place over night ...
In fact, the very nature of the word development suggests
Mindsets inching forward on a positively focused path ...
Where each person makes headway toward embracing
An emotionally healthy, wholesome sense of
Open minded expansion one painful step at a time
And as we each tread upon this path, inner conflict persists until
Strings of interconnected insights into deeper truth brighten
Dark spots inside your mind like sunbeams so bright as to
Streak straight through confusion until
You feel the epiphany of clarity suggesting
Socrates whispering of wisdom in terms of accepting
Both sides of yourself as a healthy, whole, imperfect human being
And upon embracing yourself as a whole
Your spirit may feel as enriched and peaceful as mine
... And—Oh my gosh ...
Please believe me when I say that
Each time I remember to accept both sides of me as
A whole (emotionally balanced) human being
Your friend, Annie, experiences
A truly indescribably serene sense of relief—Super whew!! :)
And now that you've read
This stream of consciousness, which poured out freely from within
My open minded, sense of self trust, I hope you, too
May choose to embrace inner conflict, which causes the mind
To wrestle with a sense of restlessness that indicates
Your need for personal growth, resulting in pure joy :)
BTW if you think that upon awakening, today, I had any clue of
Penning this post about my gaining insight into how
My subconscious works in tandem with my conscious awareness
Until my sixth sense expands the narrow scope of
My mindsets until—
Epiphany has gained every opportunity to break through
Painful bouts of inner conflict, like
A chick pecking it's way out of it's self-protective shell—well—
Please think again ... because
At this point in my development
My spirit gives my brain free rein to pen
Streams of consciousness until trains of thought
Pull both sides of my mind
Into stations where my quest for understanding life and love
Goes toe to toe with
Bouts of inner conflict that suggests my brain interacting with growth
You see, if I hope to gracefully change mindsets, striding
Toward making gains in growth past yesterday's pain then
I must embrace the fact that working toward clarity
Into deeper truth actually takes place
Inside the depths of both sides of my mind 24 hour a day!
And honestly, you can believe me when I say that
Here is the most vital insight that I've gleaned
From my visits with the spirit of Socraties, thus far:
An insight a day holds the blues at bay!!! :) :) :)
If asked what's claiming space inside my mind, right now, I'd reply—
Well, I've used up all my time to write, today, because my son, Steven, who has grown to be a free thinking, deeply thoughtful, compassionate and productive adult just called—
Hi Mom—we can all use a good laugh, so let's take Pop to see a dumb movie, today.
Though Steven's plate is overflowing, right now, our son knows the serious nature of what's going on with us—and his heartfelt idea is just what the doctor ordered, so after jumping into the hot tub to excerise the good health of my body, I'll ready my spirit to enjoy popcorn and the company of this loving son, who'd had the good fortune not to squire girls in my trusty, rusty friend, Big Red—uhhh, on second thought, I think it best to satisfy my sudden need to release one last train of thought before closing up shop for today ...
When life's serious stuff causes our family to wear furrowed frowns
We take turns figuring out how
To turn our frowns into smiles, all around
Originally, creating positively focused change in terms of
Considering everyone's needs, reasonably
Did not take place, naturally ...
Originally, creating positive change
Demanded years of well grounded, deep thinking, all around ...
First on the part of role modeling leadership
And now—resultant of
Leadership's attentiveness to positively focused mindset expansion—
Guess who's reaping the rewards of fruitful ideas circling round :)
Tomorrow—we adventure toward—Big Red's surprising replacement ... :)
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