469 NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!!! Part 50

50A
2002

Swinging ...  (edited  :-)

“Annie—are you trying to tell me that by remaining fluid nothing that happens will bother you, anymore?”

“Of course not, Mom.  *Fluidity refers to open mindedness in terms of reconsidering and expanding my perceptions."Closed-mindedness can't recognize those times when negative attitudes, based in insecurity, expects the worst.  As insecurity twists reality into knots, self fulfilled prophecies shape up.
"But, Annie, you are open minded."
"In truth, Mom, we're open minded about some things and closed minded about others.  *If denial blinds us to where we're close minded, we have no clue as to which thinking patterns cause us to assume the worst and which ones white wash that which we don't want to see—clearly.  *While working to recognize negatively focused, emotional reactions, I'm exercising the emotionally secure side of my brain—and—that which we exercise, strengthens.  *Once I identify an insecure thinking pattern that irritates my ego, my ability to neutralize unnecessary frustration, fear or anger quickens.

*By consciously engaging the inquisitive portion of my mind, I free my thought processor of emotional turmoil.  As storm clouds of confusion lighten up, a peaceful sense of clarity is more apt to develop.  *As my sense of clarity deepens, a jumble of facts falls into line, bigger pictures emerge, and once again, I come to see how an unresolved conflict had been catalyzed by a power struggle so subtle as to have gone unrecognized.  As bigger pictures continue to appear in 3D, my old perceptions alter in mind blowing ways.
*Each time my perception, concerning a conflict, expands, yet another insecurity fades away.  As subconscious insecurities, which had haunted me, emerge, strengths, which I'd misperceived as mine, actually develop.  *Each time a subconscious vulnerability ripens into a hard won strength, I overcome a fear, which had made me quake with indecision."
"How in the world do you think of all that."
"I read.  I attend lectures.  The more I learn, concerning the inner workings of the brain, the more readily my thinking patterns expand.  Think of it this way, Mom:  My eagerness to learn about the brain is like an auto mechanic, who opens the hood of a car in hopes of determining which part is not functioning up to snuff and thus is in need of a minor adjustment, a major adjustment or replacement.

When asked why it's wise to open my mind in hopes of attentively absorbing knowledge, concerning interactive communications, I reply:  *Knowledge is power.  Not power over others.  Power over insecurities of my own.  *On the other hand, the acquisition of knowledge is not enough.  Before I can make good use of knowledge, I need to dismantle defensive thought patterns, which the wounds of my ego had felt the need to layer up during my youth.  In short, I call upon my Aline of Control to tolerate whatever emotional turmoil is hurled at me in order that my reactions do not make a bad situation worse.

OMG, Mom!  That last train of thought, concerning dismantling my defensive patterns of thought, which have layered up, over time, offered me insight into understanding changes in Grandma’s emotional reactions in the aftermath of Janet’s death.  As Grandma was unable to handle the emotional turmoil, she turned blame inward.  Then outward.
At this point, while 'thinking' aloud, I can feel my think tank percolating away.  So though I'm not certain as to what I'm about to say, intuition takes over and, word by word, this train of thought chugs through my mind and out of my mouth:  Whenever emotional confusion rattles my mind, wisdom suggests breathing deeply to oxygenate my mind, thus neutralizing my emotional reactions rather than automatically absorbing or casting blame.  *While working to release a build up of tension in a healthy manner, I can better distinguish between those times when one individual is responsible for exacerbating a bad situation vs. times when everyone involved is as much a pawn of fate as a herd of frightened deer, perishing within a raging forest fire, which consumes every living thing in its destructive path.  While working consciously to deepen my level of self control, I shield myself from absorbing emotional tornados of smoke swirling around me, and having doused my defensiveness with common sense, my ire does not ignite, flare or strike back with negatively focused, retaliatory reactions."
"Annie—what are you talking about???"
*"Gosh, Mom.  This is not easy to explain ... Let's say that I've consciously developed a sense of mindfulness, which proves to be a self disciplined strength.  That each time zi call upon mindfulness, my thought processor becomes better equipped to control my defense system's basic instinct to fight, flee or freeze.  The more emotionally secure I become, the more methodically my brain works in an orderly, step by step fashion, toward identifying bigger pictures.  And once a bunch of puzzling pieces fall into place, an effective solution, which considers the needs of everyone concerned, emerges from my mind.  I mean, effective leadership considers as many aspects of a problem as possible. "
"Annie ... "
"Wait, Mom.  I don't know where this train of thought may end up ... so let me keep going ... *Though I may consciously direct my brain to operate in loving, responsible, knowledgeable, and compassionate ways, that does not mean that my decisions will please the group as a whole.  *In fact, since the future well being of any group, as a whole, remains unrevealed, we’d be wise to take time out to think smart instead of loosening our tongue while pointing fingers of blame as soon as turmoil rolls in.  You see, the moment our words, intentions or reactions fling back and forth, defensive walls go up, and misunderstandings, which fuel emotional fires that scald and scar us, all, result."

"So, what does all of this have to do with being 'fluid'?

*"Well, if I direct my mind to remain fluid in terms of considering whatever is being said, I'll leap to negative conclusions, less often.  *By working to develop the habit of considering that which is being said instead of feeling insulted, I'll reason rather than reacting, and in this way, my sense of realism, concerning life, love, and friendship, will develop in depth."
As Mom looks confused, I offer an example.  "Let's think about it this way:
*Whenever we work to replace a 'bad' habit with a well balanced habit, it's necessary to practice.  Since negatively focused thought patterns are 'bad' habits, I reduce my frustration, anger and pain by reminding myself not to take 'put downs', cast in my direction, painfully to heart.  Rather than automatically absorbing the pain of a put down, I consider ‘the imperfections of the human condition’.  In this way, imperfections, inefficiencies, and misperceptions (whether they be my misperceptions of others or misperceptions, directed at me), are less apt to drive me crazy.

Each time I focus consciously on seeking clarity, concerning reality, the element of passion, fueling my emotional reaction calms down.  *Once my brain feels peaceful, I tend to conjure up compassion rather than contempt, concerning vulnerabilities and faults of one and all.  *Again and again, my desire to identify negatively focused attitudes, which fuel subtle power struggles, serves me well in this way:  *I gain insight into how often negative attitudes muddy up clarity when our brains are pushed to operate on overload, exhaustion, fear or anger, over long.  How often do we hear:  To sleep is to heal.
*Whereas positive energy spurs the mind to function clearly, negative energy exacerbates internal turmoil.  *As every action stimulates a reaction, our defense systems are hot wired to respond to negative energy with more of the same.  Therefore, it makes sense to train our thought processors to tame basic instincts, which cause us to fight for survival, like the lower animal kingdom.  I guess you could say that I tune up my thought processor, so it won't get rusty, crusty, blustery or just plain tangled up when an emotional tornado is hurtling a swirl of debris at me."
50b
*Today's train of thought suggests the wisdom of re-training adult minds to think in positive ways.  Why?  Common sense suggests that the mind of a child is like the thought processing portion of a computer, which has been programmed by other people.  As people are known to make mistakes in judgment, portions of a child's mind will be programmed with glitches, which cause each of us to 'malfunction'.  *Since mistakes in judgment pass from one generation to the next, dysfunctional perceptions may be mistakenly taken for 'the god's honest truth'.

*Since the same brain, which houses our thought processing abilities, is responsible for the spontaneous release of emotional tension, it's easy to see how mental confusion, swirling about in a flash, may be likened to a malfunctioning hard drive, which causes too many files to fly open, all at once.  When a cacophony of interrelated misperceptions storm around inside our brains for too long, confounding confusion signals the defense system to shut down the alarming nature of an over taxed thought processor.  Once the thought processor closes up shop, the brain, as a whole, retreats from the maddening throng.  Speaking from experience, a mind in retreat crawls into a safe cave—such as the privacy of one's bedroom—where the spirit's light is turned off—until generosity of spirit, free of put downs, generates emotional support.  Once the covers are securely pulled over our heads, we simply give in to the reality that our brains have grown too wearied to work toward injecting clarity into the brains of those solidly ensconced behind denial's walls.  Speaking from my experience, when my marriage broke down, my mind needed to shut the door to confusion, conflict and put downs, which gave me no peace.  And thus did silence and solitude clearly signal the world to leave me rest in peace.  Why 'rest in peace'?  Because by the time my spirit had absorbed this depth of sadness, I felt more dead than alive.  And thus, if solitude is possible, I suggest resting the confounded mind in hopes that one day, your rested mind may sense the subtle nature of a power struggle, raging beneath the surface of one deeply valued relationship or another.  You see, once the main root of a power struggle is identified, a thought processor, which connects with common sense, refuses to engage in passive aggressive games that depend upon the pretense that 'something's wrong with you, not me'.  At this point in my life, my thought processor grounds itself by reciting this mantra:  "Fool yourself, if you must, but once I have your number, you'll not fool me—no matter how subtle your double entendres may be."  Once my perceptions deepen and I come to see where I was in denial—I muster the humility to see where I'd been 'too smart for my own good.

Since every vital aspect of life is in need of re-evaluation and rebalancing at one time or another—I've learned to separate my path from those who have no clue of playing self defeating games of: 'I Win You Lose'.  In short, a mind skilled in fine tuning, develops a sense of clarity, concerning when to drive in the car pool lane and when to take the high road, rather than honking my horn when traffic jams pile up.  As traffic jams tend to pile up, a lot, it’s never a cinch to keep every deeply valued relationship stabilized.  And thus do I open my hood and work to rewire brain glitches that cause my motor to stall or my brakes to fail.  Let's say I see a brain glitch where one person's sense of safety depends upon controlling all.  If you stop to think about that scenario, it's as unnatural to the spirit as locking a bird that's meant to fly free in a cage or plopping a large fish in small tank.  Though I'd once thought myself able to inspire doors to open in the brain's solid walls, now the only bird I work to free is the one, caged, inside of me.
"When it comes to learning something new about life, friendship and love, I'm utterly fascinated, Mom.  Rosanadana was right on the mark when she said:  ‘It’s always something!’ ”

“Annie, most people never 'grow' to be that analytical.”

As it's easy to laugh at truths, which don't sear us to the core, I'm chuckling, again, as I reply, “You're right on the mark, as well.  It's a fact that none are born analytical, on the other hand, some choose to grow in that direction, for good reason.  In fact ...

 … *I’m writing our story in hopes of connecting with those who believe in the importance of personal growth, as much as I do.  I recognize that most people work so hard at other endeavors that there's little time to attend countless lectures or read and absorb the findings of hundreds of authors, concerning effective communications, love, friendship, and family.  As I believe in division of labor—this is my labor of love.”

“Annie, I still don't understand how all of this grew into such a passion for you ...”