Swinging ...
"You know what, Mom? I've noticed something— whenever my mind is busy, expressing thoughts aloud, my understanding of insights tends to deepen as I speak. For example, once, when asked what I think about the fact that opposites attract, this train of thought emerged, word by word:
Mother Nature doesn't draw opposites, magnetically together, to change one another.
*Mother Nature creates chemistry between people with different life experiences for this reason: As different viewpoints are expressed, we are given opportunities to learn from each other. And when we take turns inspiring each other's tunnel vision to expand, personal growth takes place, on both sides, over time.
*Needless to say, this exchange of knowledge, which promotes enrichment on both sides, can only take place when two people work toward focusing their attitudes upon gaining insight into resolving conflicts trustfully and thus respectfully—for this reason: In order for conflict resolution to move forward in an emotionally calm, mature, and positively focused direction, both minds must feel safe in an environment, which proves conducive to productive thought processing. When the mind does not feel safe, emotional static interfers with productive thought processing.
*Needless to say, this exchange of knowledge, which promotes enrichment on both sides, can only take place when two people work toward focusing their attitudes upon gaining insight into resolving conflicts trustfully and thus respectfully—for this reason: In order for conflict resolution to move forward in an emotionally calm, mature, and positively focused direction, both minds must feel safe in an environment, which proves conducive to productive thought processing. When the mind does not feel safe, emotional static interfers with productive thought processing.
If asked why peaceable conflict resolution seems to happen so rarely, I'd reply: *Rather than offering insights in an encouraging manner, attitudes tend to lean toward impatience, which seem judgmental and feel disrespectful, though in truth, a person's impatience may reflect a deep sense of frustration.
When that which is said is misperceived as a negative put down, insecurity picks up it's head. As soon as the listener's ego feels wounded, trust diminishes and a shield of self protective defensiveness rises. *At this point, the ego's basic instinct fires off a bell of alarm, causing the brain to flood with three choices: fight, flee—or if too stunned to do either—just freeze. And thus is it ieasy to see the suddeness with which positively focused, productive connections between two thought processors break down.
*When negatively focused, impatient attitudes speak, too often, to children, we 'learn' to listen anxiously.
*Eventually, our habit of listening fearfully/defensively runs interference with tuning into clarity. Rather than hearing the true meaning of what's actually being said, our protective shield of defensiveness turns a deaf ear. As soon as we feel insulted, our minds clog with static and we tune out. And now you know why our listening skills are, so often, in serious need of a tune up.
*Once the ego has tuned out to whatever the speaker is attempting to convey, a thought processor, bristling with emotional static, can't differentiate between one's own misperceived projection of criticism vs. the well groomed nature of a soothing voice, attempting to converse with common sense intact.
An insecure ego also tends to miss this point: *When two people bring opposite strengths to their relationship, the strength of the household doubles—unless one or both have developed the habit of targeting the vulnerabilities of others with passive aggressive put downs, as in: I'll reject you before you can even think to reject me.
Mind games, absorbed unknowingly as children, drive loving relationships ever more deeply into a dark maze, where trust is easily spooked until a mind, seeking clarity, feels at it's wits end and jumps off a cliff—or finally yells ENOUGH!!—I'M THROUGH TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO YOU!! This final declaration of frustration may be expelled LOUDLY! Or, as words have not penetrated the solid nature of the listener's defensive wall, the person, most determined to remain attached to clarity, may maintain self control and utter those last words, silently, as the case may be.
When the person, who's had 'ENOUGH!' is me, I'll express my need to separate from the-never-ending maze by saying:
"As these conversations resolve nothing and thus serve no purpose other than venting, and as solving nothing stirs my frustration into angst, I can't participate in conflict resolution with you, anymore. You see, unresolved frustration grows into anger, over time. And as I've made a pact with myself to maintain high levels of self control, repressing a growing sense of anger does not promote a healthy state of mind. And if, after I step back from conversations, concerning conflict resolution, with you, you tend to become passive aggressive with me, then I'll continue to step back until I find a safe and peaceful place to release the angst that I choose not to fling at you."
With the passage of time, silence may say more than any words, spoken carefully, thoughtfully, compassionately, for years, had been able to convey. Game over. New game: If your ego needs to wear a defensive mask of denial while whispering subtle put downs into my ear, today, then watch me conserve my energy and save my breath, or answer any passive aggressive comment with clarity's solid connection to logic. Once I understand insecurity's need to own the high road, I'll change direction and carve out a productively peaceful path of my own. *If the stubborn nature of denial's stance continues to offer me the pretense of supportive friendship then watch me be neither diminished nor naive. I did not choose to absorb listening and speaking skills for the past forty years to spend whatever years I have left wandering through an emotional maze with loved ones whose fears drive them crazy enough to keep their heads buried in the sand. *Rather than filling my ears with sand—err make that static—I still choose to spend my adult years filling my mind with knowledge in hopes of absorbing communication skills, which inspire me to remain sane!
"Initially, I did not think to seek out, absorb, role model or impart effective communications to anyone except my kids. Then, as one peaceful negotiation followed another, the mom-in-me rejoiced while the teacher-in-me grew eager to share insight into conflict resolution everywhere I went. *I mean, who wouldn't want to stop yelling in insulting ways at the people with whom we live and love most of all?
*Eventually, our habit of listening fearfully/defensively runs interference with tuning into clarity. Rather than hearing the true meaning of what's actually being said, our protective shield of defensiveness turns a deaf ear. As soon as we feel insulted, our minds clog with static and we tune out. And now you know why our listening skills are, so often, in serious need of a tune up.
*Once the ego has tuned out to whatever the speaker is attempting to convey, a thought processor, bristling with emotional static, can't differentiate between one's own misperceived projection of criticism vs. the well groomed nature of a soothing voice, attempting to converse with common sense intact.
An insecure ego also tends to miss this point: *When two people bring opposite strengths to their relationship, the strength of the household doubles—unless one or both have developed the habit of targeting the vulnerabilities of others with passive aggressive put downs, as in: I'll reject you before you can even think to reject me.
Mind games, absorbed unknowingly as children, drive loving relationships ever more deeply into a dark maze, where trust is easily spooked until a mind, seeking clarity, feels at it's wits end and jumps off a cliff—or finally yells ENOUGH!!—I'M THROUGH TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO YOU!! This final declaration of frustration may be expelled LOUDLY! Or, as words have not penetrated the solid nature of the listener's defensive wall, the person, most determined to remain attached to clarity, may maintain self control and utter those last words, silently, as the case may be.
When the person, who's had 'ENOUGH!' is me, I'll express my need to separate from the-never-ending maze by saying:
"As these conversations resolve nothing and thus serve no purpose other than venting, and as solving nothing stirs my frustration into angst, I can't participate in conflict resolution with you, anymore. You see, unresolved frustration grows into anger, over time. And as I've made a pact with myself to maintain high levels of self control, repressing a growing sense of anger does not promote a healthy state of mind. And if, after I step back from conversations, concerning conflict resolution, with you, you tend to become passive aggressive with me, then I'll continue to step back until I find a safe and peaceful place to release the angst that I choose not to fling at you."
With the passage of time, silence may say more than any words, spoken carefully, thoughtfully, compassionately, for years, had been able to convey. Game over. New game: If your ego needs to wear a defensive mask of denial while whispering subtle put downs into my ear, today, then watch me conserve my energy and save my breath, or answer any passive aggressive comment with clarity's solid connection to logic. Once I understand insecurity's need to own the high road, I'll change direction and carve out a productively peaceful path of my own. *If the stubborn nature of denial's stance continues to offer me the pretense of supportive friendship then watch me be neither diminished nor naive. I did not choose to absorb listening and speaking skills for the past forty years to spend whatever years I have left wandering through an emotional maze with loved ones whose fears drive them crazy enough to keep their heads buried in the sand. *Rather than filling my ears with sand—err make that static—I still choose to spend my adult years filling my mind with knowledge in hopes of absorbing communication skills, which inspire me to remain sane!
"Initially, I did not think to seek out, absorb, role model or impart effective communications to anyone except my kids. Then, as one peaceful negotiation followed another, the mom-in-me rejoiced while the teacher-in-me grew eager to share insight into conflict resolution everywhere I went. *I mean, who wouldn't want to stop yelling in insulting ways at the people with whom we live and love most of all?
*The more knowledge my mind absorbed, the greater my passion to dispel misperceptions, which cast spells on the nimble, impressionable minds of children, thus turning bright, young minds into grumpy-rebellious young hellions or sticks-in-the-mud, who have no clue of how often they wallow—privately—in deep wells of narrow minded defensiveness as life moves from stage—to stage.
We often can't see ourselves as we are, most especially during times when basic needs are in conflict. And as love is blind, we often fail to see loved ones, clearly, as well. *The reason it's so hard to connect with clarity is because we can't see what we're in denial about unless we learn how to sit our egos in hopes of opening our minds to absorb guidance from a person whose listening and speaking skills remain astutely on target."
When I hear ...
Leopards can't change their spots
I say:
People aren't leopards
In fact, comparing people to leopards
Is like comparing apples to oranges
Just as we're mistaken when comparing one fruit to another
We're mistaken when comparing people to leopards
Because leopards don't have a Neocortex and people do!
When I hear ...
Old dogs can't learn new tricks
I say:
Old dogs can't turn into cats
Old dogs can't learn to meow
But old dogs, rescued by compassionate hearts
Can and do learn to pay mind
To being led by one who guides
Patiently, consistently and calmly
By way of insight into common sense rather
When I hear:
People can't change
I say: Baloney!
Though oranges can't become apples
Both can fall off the tree of life and dry up, too soon
Or both can drink from the tree of knowledge
And grow as sweet and juicy
As plums, which, like all fruits
Continue to ripen—each in its own good time
If asked
Why I believe people can change
I say:
Two sides exist within every mind
The ego dominates trains of thought on one side
While deep wells of knowledge connect the dots on the other
Judge too quickly—
Watch the ego come out to 'play games'
Think before you speak—
Watch insight into the power of knowledge
Soothe conflict away
Now, let's change the word change to grow
And watch the narrow scope of
Tunnel-visioned attitudes—
Expand ...
Needless to say ...
A wounded ego
Hides behind a super-sized persona
Which becomes as tough as a nut to crack
Why? Because ...
Behind each person's false front
Layers of insecurity
Thicken up, like walnut shells over time
So ... those with reason to develop
A super-duper persona
Hide more subconscious anxiety
From—themselves
Than those who learn to crack their shells
And accept inevitable changes
Resulting from irretrievable loss
As life moves from stage to stage
Whew! Quite a mouthful of insights lining up!
As every insight makes sense to me—
May I suggest tracking each train of thought separately?
Oftimes, denial closes our minds
Until we hit bottom
At which time our shells crack
And as anesthetized pain springs back to life
We may finally hear ourselves say:
Holy smokes! This hurts worse than ever before!
Something's gotta CHANGE!
One more thing:
If people are not leopards, dogs, cats or fruit
Then what the heck are we?
Well, if you ask me what I think
Here is what I'd say:
People are living creatures
With higher brain capacity
For listening, thinking, and speaking skills to develop
Which means we've been gifted
With the potential
To soak up knowledge, like sponges
And I write, day after day
In hopes of inspiring you
To open Mother Nature's wondrous gift and think out of the box
Because—you must know what's coming next ...
To sponge up knowledge, think out of the box
And grow wiser—or not
Is a matter of personal—choice!
And whatever you chose to perceive, yesterday
Can change by way of insight—today!
If not today then—
Hope springs eternal for—
Tomorrow ... which is only ...
J
PS
Please remember this:
The one thing I won't do
Is to allow myself to be sucked back into
THE MAZE—
On the other hand ...
If I am sucked back in
Do not expect me to 'play games' for long
So, each time your words show me
How deeply entrenched you are
Within a mind maze of your own
How deeply entrenched you are
Within a mind maze of your own
Here is why I may choose to grow silent
And share my thoughts elsewhere:
And share my thoughts elsewhere:
I have grown careful of being snared into conversations
Which consistently block all attempt at insight into clarity
And so, if you continue tuning into each story
As each one unfolds, post by post
As each one unfolds, post by post
You may come to see how self awareness
Will, one day, save my spirit from feeling sucked dry
By a mind maze, which had once
Vacuumed up my sense of clarity
Thus leaving me plugged into hot spots of nonsense
By a mind maze, which had once
Vacuumed up my sense of clarity
Thus leaving me plugged into hot spots of nonsense
Rather than plugging my mind into insight
Which fills my mind with clarity into reality
And once insight, clarity and reality fall into line
Which fills my mind with clarity into reality
And once insight, clarity and reality fall into line
Peace of mind is mine—and ...
My mind can rest—at least for a while ...
Oh—by the way, you may be relieved to know
That my train of thought
Is chugging toward the station
Where the reason for this title:
NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!!!
Is close to emerging—at last!
Oh—by the way, you may be relieved to know
That my train of thought
Is chugging toward the station
Where the reason for this title:
NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!!!
Is close to emerging—at last!
J
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