Are you able to discern between two relationships
Which seem alike, but, in truth are not?
For example, let's consider a relationship
Where conversations reveal insights into truths
Which feel so painful to hear
That the listener's defensive ego blocks every word
Which flows naturally and compassionately, from within the speaker's heart
As soon as an injured ego reacts emotionally
The defense system is signaled to awaken a call to arms
This call to arms causes objective channels
Within the thought processing center to automatically shut down
In lieu of logic, the brain remains focused solely
Upon basic instincts to fight, flee, or freeze
And no matter how caringly thoughts may be worded
The frightened nature of this brain is reduced to
Engaging only with its own defense mechanisms, such as:
Selective memory, revisionist history, or outright denial
Why?
In hopes of deflecting the speaker's connection to logic as being untrue
Now, Imagine where this relationship is bound is to go if
Two defense systems proceed to fling blame for pain, back and forth ...
Especially if, over time, circumstances arise
Which cause this relationship to change in ways
That prove too painful for either person to sustain
Without both seeking objective, professional help
If both frightened brains remain blind
To defensive contradictions
That tie open pathways of our minds into tightly wound knots
Then a deeply valued friendship
Which depends upon open pathways to survive
Is bound to strangle itself, over time
If a seriously tangled relationship does not straighten out
Eventually, it will crack in half under denial's dark spell ...
Denial's dark spell relies upon negatively focused attitudes
Which hold fearsome truths at bay
And if neither brain awakens from denial or
If one awakens while the other does not
Both brains would do well to separate before
One drives the other downright crazy
On the other hand here is an example of a relationship
Which has a good chance of
Changing from thriving to barely surviving to ...
Thriving more deeply than ever before:
Upon seeking objective, and thus astute, professional help
This relationship finds a safe emotional environment
Where both people may examine
Insecurities, repressed during childhood ...
Which unknowingly erupt, wrecking havoc on today's relationships, repeatedly
Eventually, as each person comes to understand the reasoning behind
Each other's misperceptions, narrow perspectives begin to expand
And, little by little, both people come to see why
A relationship, which had once thrived
Has cracked in such a demoralizing way that
Friendship can barely survive the insidious nature of the strain
Placed on both brains because
Relentless stress undermines inner strengths such as
Trust, self respect and self control
In an emotional environment in which both people feel safe
Both begin to learn how to listen more skillfully
To contradictions which exist within themselves
In any relationship, which has cracked in half
And hopes to mend and thrive, again
Common ground, where the needs of both
May be nourished and nurtured, must be found
At this point in my life and speaking as one friend to another
I don't need to hear your sad story to know
That you have one to tell, concerning
A deeply valued, but troubled, relationship
In which trust has unraveled in such a way that your connection to one another
Is holding on by a thread, which continues to fray, day by day ...
You see, I've come to understand this fact:
Defense mechanisms, born of fear
Block us from accepting truths to painful to bare
And thus does denial refuse to consider any train of thought
That asks us to see ourselves differently than
We believe ourselves to be
As long as we are afraid to take a more honest look
Into our mirrors, any conversation, which
Whispers logic into our ear, feels so offensive that
We lose all hope of connecting with each other
Or with peace of mind
As long as denial dismisses logic as nonsense
No amount of common sense can help us to work through
Issues, which we'd be wise to confront if we hope
To heal certain relationships
Which continue to, sadly, lose hold onto clarity and thus
Remain in poor health
PS
Over the years, here is what I've found to be true in class after class:
Those who stayed the course mustered the courage necessary
To look deeply and honestly into defensive traits
Which hide deep inside every person, alive
If change (for the better or for the worse) is the only constant in life
Then experience suggests that some may choose to glean
Hard won insight, from within each story
While others choose not to follow my blog
Though some may welcome
That which I feel the need to write
Others may not ... And so goes the world ...
There's so much to fit into each day
So little time for R&R ...
On the other hand
We each must face this choice head on or look back, one day, with regret:
Which of your relationships are you willing to loosen your hold on
When the pain of bucking up to another person's denial goes on for too long?
How long will you allow another person's unresolved insecurities
To play yoyo with your heart, mind and spirit?
As always, the choice is yours as it is mine
We often hear: Life is short ... Because it is ...
Oh yes-one more thing ...
As ever, I'd love to hear what you think ...
Comment box always hungry to be fed
J
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