1182 A LOOPY WAY OF CLARIFYING ANXIETY'S NEGATIVE AFFECT ON CLARITY

(1946
In the aftermath of Janet's death
Mom and Grandma engaged in heated arguments, which
Went unnoticed by Dad for this reason:
As soon as my father's key unlocked our apartment's front door
These arguments, concerning Gram's casting blame at
Her daughter (my beloved mother) for Janet's death
Would retreat behind the pretense that nothing about
Their relationship was amiss—when
Nothing could be further from the truth

As I was too young to clarify pretense from reality
The confounding nature of these sudden emotional shifts created
A state of confusion within my young mind, so as to
Arouse spikes of anxiety so startling as to interfere with
The natural development of my innate ability to
Stand my ground and listen calmly with attention to
Detail, which proves necessary to
Thinking clearly in the heat of conflict

Though we think our decisions are based in
Clarity of thought while considering difficult choices
We often have no clue as to how often
Clarity is distorted by anxiety (based in
Subconscious fear) filters into
Our decision-making process

As subconscious fear is often due to a
Self demeaning attitude, based in negativity, and
As attitude is everything, we need to identify
Those times when a negatively focused belief
Concerning our character, leads us to 
Make decisions that lead straight toward self defeat

Though our decisions are based in choice ...
We do not consciously choose our dreams
Our dreams prove to be a jumbled set of messages, which
Filter from the subconscious through
Walls of denial in hopes of
Awakening the conscious mind to catch wind of
Misperceptions, concerning reality, which prove in need of
Re-examination, so ...
If, upon awakening from a dream that seems crazy
You can grab hold of and decode
A set of disorganized details before
They disappear from conscious awareness then
Your intuitive sense of insight may be sparked to
Reveal the ways in which
Your unidentified fears are playing
A significant role in stimulating
Spikes of anxiety, that interfere with
Your sense of clarity (which
Proves necessary) when thoroughness of
Thought proves essential, most especially
At those times when life offers you
Conundrums to resolve

If you don't want an unidentified
Self demeaning belief to influence
Your decision to lean toward self defeat
(As happens when we remain blind
To fears, left in an unprocessed and thus
Unresolved state during childhood) then
Perhaps, you, like me, will choose to
Heed the wisdom inherent in Socrate's words:
Know thyself ... more deeply tomorrow than
Had been possible, today

Holy smoke screens, Kemosabe!
It's no wonder that my dreamscape had confused
The charade that family life often proves to be with
That mind boggling parade, which had
Dizzied my sense of clarity until
My conscious mind felt as loopy as
The roller coaster ride, known as Loop the Loop

I mean seriously, let's imagine
Each child's brain strapped into a train of cars, which
Speeds up, down and all around a track that
Literally turns our brains completely upside down!
(Clearly, hyper vigilance, with attention to detail
Proves born of subconscious (unidentified) fears...)

Geez!  iPad acting loopy!
Can't rid my writing of
These strike through lines, which 
Serve to disturb the continuity of
My clarity of thought similarly to the way
That anxiety, filtering into
The brain's decision making process
Distorts our sense of clarity more
Often than we consciously know

If you ask why these strike throughs are here
I'd reply:  I have no clue; they just appeared
Then, upon further reflection, I'd add:
Though some disturbing situations
 Are worth working through with attention to detail
Others are not, and as I've already spent
Too much of my time
Trying to rid this post of this puzzling problem ...
(I.even turned My iPad off!)
These mind-dizzying lines prevail, so
We might as well make good  use of this loopiness, which
Disturbs clarity of thought, to serve as
A timely example of how quickly and easily
A sense of anxious discombobulation can disorganize
The well-balanced functionality of
Every perfectly good brain ... And now
With thanks for your patience ... I'll continue to be
Your loopy, deep-thinking, cerebral friend,
Annie Moogins