2014
Holy smokescreens!
Just before awakening, this morning
I had a dream that felt crazy until I my brain's
Instinctive power of intuition fired off
A string of insights, which served to heighten
My sense of awareness to the point of
Interpreting each detail of the chaotic landscape that had
Filtered from my subconscious into my conscious mind
When I pen this dream, tomorrow, and
Interpret its meaning for you, you'll catch wind of
The ways in which our imaginative brains
Process through emotional chaos while we work to
Make sense of contradictive 'craziness', which
Confounds our connection to clarity until
A blend of knowledge, memory and intelligence
Fires off a string of insights into deeper truth
As insight into deeper truth emerges
Bigger pictures shape up, suggesting why
That which had seemed crazy makes perfect sense once
Insight into our deepest unmet needs is fully revealed
As strings of insight into deeper truth work to
Restructure and expand the brain's old pathways of thought
Dark clouds of confusion begin to lighten up, and
With each step taken toward clarity, concerning
Self discovery, guess what brightens?
Our conscious sense of awareness, and here's why that's true:
As dark clouds of denial lighten up
Disturbing details, concerning experiences, which had
Wounded portions of our fledgling self esteem, begin to
Emerge from behind defensive walls that layer up, over time
And along with these disturbing details, fears
Left in a raw and festering unresolved state emerge, as well
Each time another 'forgotten' detail
Struggles its way through my defensive wall and
Into my conscious mind, you watch
My brain, working as a whole, taking another
Courageous step toward healing itself from
Trauma, which, having been buried alive within
My subconscious in its unprocessed state, continues to
Shroud my conscious mind within a torment of pain, each time
Anything comes close to prodding the unexposed nature of
Raw sensitivity that continues to darken my view of
Myself much more than my thoughts, words or actions deserve
Each time 'something' prods one of my
Subconscious hot spots of darkness, the pain of one
Unhealed trauma or another feels pierced anew, suggesting
My good fortune to partake in the healing process of
EMDR, and resultant of this time-tested process, which
Enables me to engage in self-healing
Guess what has been saved in the nick of time, repeatedly?
My hold on sanity ... I mean, think about it:
The fact that we have no clue as to when today's
Fearful reactions may be stimulated by
An unprocessed experience, which proved
Deeply painful in the past is ... insane!
By now, I believe you have reason
To understand why 'Know thyself' doth not suggest
Exposing 'evil' secrets to the world but rather
The exposure of unidentified fears, which
Thy defense system denies, thus
Running interference with your peace of mimd
Hopefully, you can see that 'Know thyself' suggests
The importance of accomplishing the necessary work of
Healing wounded portions of thy self esteem from
Emotional pain, so devastating as to have caused
Mother Nature to cast a spell upon
Your conscious mind and mine
Thus numbing our memories from
'Remembering' depths of pain, which having been
Left raw and unhealed within our subconscious
Pierce through our hide at times when
Fear is aroused by something that
Does not prove to be nearly as
Dangerous as our emotional reactions suggest ...
Sooo ... if you already know yourself to be
A bonefide control freak, but you've not yet
Figured out why that's true then perhaps
You'll find an inkling of truth in this supposition:
If you deny yourself the benefits derived from
Partaking in EMDR therapy then
Your reasoning powers may prove less sane than you think …
I mean, seriously, here's your choice:
Remain a control freak with no clue as to why that's true
Or enhance your peace of mind by
Questing into self discovery as
I choose to do for this reason:
Common sense suggests that by way of
Self discovery, you, too, may
Stop scaring yourself into believing that
Meeting the needs of everyone else
Outweighs deeper truth, which suggests that
Each time an attitude of selflessness
Denies your basic needs
Your spirit will have just cause to deflate
And BTW ...
You might also like to know that whatever experience
Proves responsible for your fearsome adoption of
Hyper vigilance may prove to be
Much less traumatic than experiences, which
Had been mine, and here's why
That proves true, much of the time:
An experience, so powerful as to have
Traumatized a portion of a your self esteem when
You were very young may not wield the same impact
While your adult brain is actively reprocessing
That which had utterly terrified a child
Over these past twenty years
Beginning with my separation from Will
I've worked, unknowingly, to resolve
An identity crises that began when I was little more than
A babe in arms ... and ever since that time of
Intense trauma, I've been on
A subconscious quest to revive the lost portion of my
Self assured voice, which had been swept into
A dark maelstorm of mental confusion so overwhelming
As to have fused my self worth with
Feelings of guilt due to the unidentified nature of
A self demeaning belief, which had deemed me
Less worthy of love than anyone on this planet and
In order to compensate for subconscious guilt
My needs bowed in subservience to
Everyone else's—until recently, when
EMDR therapy diagnosed my reactions as due to PTSD
As spooky goings on darken our minds during Halloween
And as life's harsh reality saw my extended family
Gathered, together, in the cemetary, yesterday
And as it's always darkest before each next dawning
I'll interpret my dreamscape for you when next we meet
As for now, I'll close for today by
Revealing two insights, concerning wisdom, which
Flashed through my mind in quick succession
Right after I'd expressed my interpretation of
The content of my dream to Will:
Insight #1
Wisdom comes with age only to those who
Prove so brave as to work toward understanding
The confounding nature of self contradiction, which
Messes with each person's mind, suggesting that
Self awareness, concerning self contradiction
Proves necessary before emotional confusion
Transforms into clarity, suggesting that
Clarity must precede insight into wisdom, every time
Insight #2
Deeper truth into the acquisition of wisdom suggests that
Wisdom is not a destination but rather a process that takes us from
Confusion to assumption to a false sense of surety until
Inner conflict arises, which brings us back to confusion, suggesting
That wisdom results when confusion recognizes
A need to ask for help in hopes of identifying
Confounding pieces of our own personal puzzles so that
Everyone involved can begin to make sense of
Emotional nonsense, which creates conflicts that
Divide loved ones into two separate camps
Eventually, if everyone involved learns to differentiate
Assumptions (which exacerbate confusion) from facts, which
Encourage the intuitive portion of the brain to
Fire off strings of insight into deeper truth—bigger pictures
Emerge fom dark places, where defensive denial had
Blinded intelligence from identifying primal fears, which
Cause us to peer at some people through rose colored lenses while
We feel the need to wear dark lenses when other people come into view …
Suggesting that wisdom is not a destination that we reach with age ...
Wisdom is a life long quest toward clarity, as long as one insight into
Deeper truth follows the next for as long as we live ...
As to my dream (which, upon interpretation
Inspired me to share today's insights into wisdom)
I'll have fun writing it, later, and hopefully
Upon reading it, tomorrow
You, too, will see the importance of 'looking in'
In hopes of identifying unprocessed fears, which
Your conscious mind denies, and
If you ask: Why must I unearth these fears?
I'd reply: Fears, left unprocessed and thus
Unresolved during childhood, create a duality of
Beliefs, which breathe life into self-contradiction
And as long as this duality of beliefs creates conflicting
Attitudes within the same conscious mind
The subconscious portion of your brain and mine
Will continue to signal us to clarify which belief is
Messing with our sense of clarity at those times when
Inner conflict runs interference with our ability to
Brainstorm intelligently during a difficult decision making process
And thus does your intuition and mine implore us to
Follow Socrates' lead, each time his spirit
Hovers so close as to whisper these words of wisdom into
Your ear and mine:
Continue to quest ever more deeply into yourself in order to
Know thyself more deeply today than yesterday and
Once clarity into deeper truth is yours, a simple plan—
Which had been just out of sight—will appear—
And if this simple plan proves workable to us both
Then your spirit and mine will feel free to soar—in the nick of time …
Tomorrow, you can expect me to describe
The most zany dream I've ever had ...
Your friend,
Annie
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