1128 (53B) NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! REVISITED 72

52B
2002
Let's consider what may result when tender, young shoots are uprooted and replanted in an emotional wasteland, where one hot winded sand storm after another swirls up, causing everyone to shut their eyes tight and run for cover until, hopefully, the storm, raging around, calms down.  In the absence of emotional nourishment, which establishes a sense of communal security, which communicates a sense of 'homeland' security to the young, how might the personal sense of security, which develops within this generation of youngsters, fare?  What subconscious fears of lasting love and commitment, intensified by unresolved anger, might they harbor?

Next, let's consider what a caterpillar looks like inside a cocoon while transforming from a cute, round, furry creature, which gets around by crawling from here to there, into a colorful butterfly that flies naturally free of repressed restraint.  Mother Nature did not conceive of cocoons to hide the unsightliness that's bound to occur during times of transition from prying eyes.  The cocoon is nature's way to provide a safe haven while the most vulnerable stages of metamorphosis take place.  Since Mother Nature did not gift you and me with the ability to weave ourselves into protective cocoons while outmoded trains of thought are in the process of transitioning toward expanded perceptions, which allow our minds to fly free of repressed restraint, time spent in solitude proves to be a vital part of every writer's analytical life.  And if, at times, you crave time alone to think for yourself while your mindset undergoes transition, well, that's natural, too.

As you shall see, exposing vulnerability does not feel natural until the most critical stages of transition, leading toward change for the better, have inspired two people, who hope to connect more intimately with each other than had been possible before, to work at disassembling protective walls of denial, which had originally felt impenetrable on both sides.  More about protective walls layering up around mindsets, which prove in need of reconsideration, when stories describing my married life unfold.

As we all have stories worth telling, whom amongst us is not a story teller?  However, it's important to note what happens if the mind of a storyteller gets caught up in its own web of denial:  Non-fiction spins toward fiction in a flash.  If your defense system messes with just one vital detail while weaving a tale, which you believe is true, then the heroic qualities of another person's nature may morph toward resembling that of a villainous traitor, when nothing could be further than THE TRUTH—which, as we know, emerges in the end.

When a person's sense of security depends upon the mindset of denial, maintaining control over the conscious portion of the brain, clarity remains buried in a maze of mental confusion, which, in the absence of insight, tends to darken, over time.

In the absence of insight into defense mechanisms, which disrupt our connection to common sense, mindsets, which layer up ever more darkly, become set in stone, allowing fingers of blame to point outward with the misconceived certainty that transforms a person's personal opinion into 'fact'.  If you ask:  How does that transition happen?  I'd offer this simple explanation:  As one person relates his or her opinion, concerning that which took place with another person, 'This is what I think happened' transforms into 'This is what happened'.  And thus, over time, as a storyteller passes a tale forward, truth transitions into fiction of one's own making.  As a fictionalized version of a story is often passed forward as truth, it makes sense for a listener to remain neutral, concerning the validity of the storyteller's version, while questioning the other side to see if details may be offered that fill in the blanks, thus transforming the tale we were told into a whole different story, which allows us to make sense of defensive nonsense, at last.

*Once two people separate, it's not unusual for mindsets on both sides to be in need of re-evaluation with this hope for a rosier future:  With growth in self awareness, defense mechanisms, which create misperceptions, may clarify, and patterns of thought, which had wandered off track, may be steered on course, offering both hearts a second chance to embrace a well balanced, healthy connection, at last.  *In the absence of self awareness, mindsets remain so dark that insight into bigger pictures fails to appear.

In light of bigger pictures, both minds lighten up, and problems, which had felt solidly overwhelming, at first, prove soluble and thus solvable, at last.  Once that which had seemed insurmountable proves manageable, individuals, who had distanced, have sound reason to come together, feeling free to sing, dance, and rejoice, once again.

When I sat down to write about the years of chaotic upheaval that our family encountered when my marriage came apart, insights began to bounce around inside my mind like jumping beans on a trampoline to the point that I didn't know which one to catch hold of first.  In retrospect, the exhausting nature of that fearsome, painful, step-by-step process of separation offered me this vital insight into life and love:  *Self defeating thought patterns and solid mindsets are often as hard to change-for-the-better as bad habits are hard to break.

In fact, here is why changing our thought patterns (mindsets) proves so tough:  *Mindsets must be identified, suggesting that self awareness cannot deepen until denial's defensive walls come tumbling down.  The problem is, we don't know what we don't know ... about ourselves.  And that's the most simplified definition of denial that I can offer, at this time.

Initially, as denial's walls crack open, our thoughts may feel as scrambled as the caterpillar in transition must look if we were to pull apart the cocoon.  During times of mental transition, two smart minds may feel as scrambled and raw as if an egg, which has cracked wide open, is somehow dripping down both faces.  As facing reality can make us feel like bad people, at first, here's where today's train of thought is leading:

Once that egg has had time to cook, that which had scared us silly can be more nourishing than ever before.

*In the aftermath of emotional upheaval, wrought by one unforeseen change after another, we tend to remain too baffled to grow aware of signs of progress in the making until after a sense of emotional balance has been restored on both sides.  And thus, while processing through the most complicated stages of change, separation may actually prove prudent until insight into change for the better begins to emerge as intuitively as the cocoon is woven and needed until the butterfly is ready to fly into a future, free of restraint ...

*If one side continues to heap blame upon oneself or the other, denial wins, and everyone who cares loses, all around.  *As long as denial refuses to allow humility to show its face, the ego will refuse to face THIS DEEPER TRUTH:  Each is responsible for creating some part of the problem, so both must participate in brainstorming, thus focusing away from blame toward re-engaging solution seeking skills, before a problem, swept under the rug, can be swept undeniably away, resulting in change for the better feeling well-grounded in common sense for the first time, ever.

When I think of 'free love' leading toward sexuality running wild, here's what I picture:  *I picture the pendulum still swinging away from the far reaching, repressive belief system of the Victorian Age, which had continued to influence the roles adopted by men and most certainly, women, throughout the 1950's.  *With the discovery of THE PILL, we swirled into the swinging sixties, where thousands of years of family stability, undergoing internal revolt, came undone in divorce court.  *At that point in time, revolt became a way of life, astute leadership was murdered, left and right, and as bras, draft cards and American flags were burned, every value, which had once reaped widespread respect, began to blur within explosive bonfires of dark and smokey, societal unrest.

As one marriage after another cracked in half, who knew whom to trust as decades of emotional, financial and familial turmoil came undone only to barrel straight downhill?  Jack and Jill were in need of much more than a pail of water to douse the flames of all that turmoil, which had broken much more than Jack's crown.

The fact that sex still runs wild in the streets—at all ages—can be seen wherever we look, suggesting that we're still 'swinging' from one extreme toward the other—all the way down to junior high.  Did you see the film, Thirteen?  Why are children still running wild?  Little pitchers have Big eyes.  Big ears.  The good news?  I believe the metronome is beginning to swing toward a healthy sense of balance as I write and you read ...

In terms of gains and losses, it's prudent to consider bad news before good.  In that way, we embrace the best, at last, and the best is what takes place once growing pains, propelling us toward change for the better, are a thing of the past.  I foresee a global sense of insight into a new and improved, emotionally matured focus, centering upon freedom to choose, expanding societal views around the world, resulting in the restoration of a new sense of balance which has been missing in our nation for more than fifty years, proving, yet again, that in order to stabilize society as a whole, pain precedes gain, inclusive of a personal and global scope ...
78 nations and counting ...