2002
“Annie, do you know how effective communications became such a passion for you?”
“I think so, Mom. It must have started when Barry turned two. I'd thought raising children would be warm bubble baths, playing with blocks, swinging at the park and reading stories before tucking sweet, little tots into bed. You know, just like babysitting for children I'd loved. And though all of that proved true, I wanted to discipline in positive ways when Barry turned two and declared his independence, but I didn't know how. I mean, think about my past: As a teacher, who'd loved other people's children, it's easy to imagine how naturally I'd love my own. And who in their right mind wants to yell at a child, who is deeply loved? What I didn't know then but do, now, is this: Children walk into a fifth grade class programmed to respect their teachers as authority figures. Children at home need to be taught by role models, who love them, to embrace the concept of mutual respect within the family. Since children learn by way of monkey see, monkey do—monkey hear, monkey say, it's vital for role models to develop depth in self awareness, thus insuring that we do as we preach.
When we stop to think about it, parents prove to be each child's most important teachers. Sad to say, most of us remain unaware of this fact: When we don't learn how to treat each child as respectfully as unconditional love demands, we reap what we sow.
If we observed teachers in school disciplining with the punitive methods we resort to at home, we'd make a beeline for the principal's office, demanding dismissal in a flash. Children, who feel insulted by those who are responsible for teaching the young to follow their lead while shielding them from harm, do not grow up to be high self-esteeming adults. In fact, I believe we grow up with so many mixed messages, roaming freely in our brains, that all too many go through life feeling more mixed up about love, friendship and respect than we know.
When we stop to think about it, parents prove to be each child's most important teachers. Sad to say, most of us remain unaware of this fact: When we don't learn how to treat each child as respectfully as unconditional love demands, we reap what we sow.
If we observed teachers in school disciplining with the punitive methods we resort to at home, we'd make a beeline for the principal's office, demanding dismissal in a flash. Children, who feel insulted by those who are responsible for teaching the young to follow their lead while shielding them from harm, do not grow up to be high self-esteeming adults. In fact, I believe we grow up with so many mixed messages, roaming freely in our brains, that all too many go through life feeling more mixed up about love, friendship and respect than we know.
If asked how my library in this arena of speaking and listening respectfully began to stimulate positively focused change for the better while I was in my twenties, I'd reply: My desire to grow ever more self-aware of my attitudes, mindsets and behaviors proves to be the crux of the story of my life, which I'm intent upon writing.
At first, my interest in this subject focused solely on my relationship with my kids and their relationships with each other. Then, I realized that conflict causes adults to react just as disrespectfully as undisciplined kids, so off the top of my head, suffice to say that my library evolved from one aspect of 'self help' to another, one book at a time. And today, much of the knowledge, which I still feel eager to absorb, is stored in files, within the 'computer' inside my head. By now, there are lots of files. Ask me a question, watch a file fly open, as though all on its own. Push one of my hot buttons, today ... watch my file, titled Line of Control, fly open, spontaneously. First sentence in that file states: Stop to collect your most intelligent thoughts before answering as clearly and respectfully as possible.
2014
Though practice does not make perfect, practicing what I teach goes a long way toward calming my temper on the spot. The calmer I feel the less adrenalin is pumped into my brain, the more clear headed during conflict I remain. If attitude is everything then it makes sense to choose a solution seeking attitude instead of allowing a fighting or fleeing or freezing attitude to usurp control over my think tank. By engaging my whole brain upon solution-seeking, pain leads toward gain, on both sides, rather than pain increasing, all around. Thank goodness, I held my children's hands as we walked this path, training our brains to absorb the art of respectful, positively focused conflict resolution, step by step, as you shall see ...
As years passed, much of what I'd experienced and read had served to expand my perspectives, concerning love and life, and having successfully worked to achieve one goal after another, I decided to weave insights, gathered along the way, into true stories, thus showcasing concrete examples of how one mind-bending experience leads to the next. By way of writing these stories, I hope to offer people throughout the world an Annie’s Notes version of knowledge gleaned from a wise variety of tried and true professional points of view.
2014
Though practice does not make perfect, practicing what I teach goes a long way toward calming my temper on the spot. The calmer I feel the less adrenalin is pumped into my brain, the more clear headed during conflict I remain. If attitude is everything then it makes sense to choose a solution seeking attitude instead of allowing a fighting or fleeing or freezing attitude to usurp control over my think tank. By engaging my whole brain upon solution-seeking, pain leads toward gain, on both sides, rather than pain increasing, all around. Thank goodness, I held my children's hands as we walked this path, training our brains to absorb the art of respectful, positively focused conflict resolution, step by step, as you shall see ...
As years passed, much of what I'd experienced and read had served to expand my perspectives, concerning love and life, and having successfully worked to achieve one goal after another, I decided to weave insights, gathered along the way, into true stories, thus showcasing concrete examples of how one mind-bending experience leads to the next. By way of writing these stories, I hope to offer people throughout the world an Annie’s Notes version of knowledge gleaned from a wise variety of tried and true professional points of view.
Look at it this way, Mom—think of everything we’ve just discussed—doesn’t the fact that you keep asking questions validate this fact: The concept of division of labor suggests that everyone does not need to investigate this subject in depth in order to absorb that which I hope to convey, concerning the ways in which denial harms relationships by refuting reality. *As no man is an island, we each in our own way (excluding pirates) choose to study and disseminate some vital aspect of expertise for the betterment of mankind as a whole. For example:
*Just as we don’t need to attend dental school to learn to take good care of our teeth, everyone doesn’t need to amass a library or grow deeply analytical to expand our understanding of both sides of human nature—the self assured, compassionate side vs. the insecure, power struggling side. What we do need to remember is this:
Our friendships are like our teeth
We only need to take good care of the ones we want to keep
When we don't take good care of our teeth
They loosen and fall our of our mouths in the same way that
Friendships, which we don’t take good care of, fall out of our lives.
(I just expanded a funny insight that I'd once read on a poster, tacked to the ceiling in my dentist's office while I was reclining in the chair—I simply extracted the teeth and implanted friends, instead.)
Our friendships are like our teeth
We only need to take good care of the ones we want to keep
When we don't take good care of our teeth
They loosen and fall our of our mouths in the same way that
Friendships, which we don’t take good care of, fall out of our lives.
(I just expanded a funny insight that I'd once read on a poster, tacked to the ceiling in my dentist's office while I was reclining in the chair—I simply extracted the teeth and implanted friends, instead.)
Once Mom and I enjoy another laugh, Ms. Motormouth has no intention of winding down—
*“I believe most of us would like to offer the most positively focused, emotionally supportive, productive parts of our minds to those we love. And with that belief in mind, here's what I hope to inspire by baring the story of my life:
I hope to inspire a desire in many others to work consciously at listening to oneself and each other so attentively as to question attitudes which sidestep clarity, because at times when conflict won't resolve, at least one mindset is mired in denial.
I hope to impart a healthy sense of curiosity, concerning depth in emotional intelligence.
I hope to entice more of us to muster the courage to peel away at denial's walls, uproot the wounds of our egos and peer honestly into hot spots in need of healing, which spin the emotional portion of our minds out of control.
I hope to encourage patience while 'peeling the onion' in hopes that more of us will work toward detecting self defeating patterns, so that lasting changes, which strengthen our relationships, have time to develop—because surface changes are short lived.
I hope that as more of us expand our personal views, life and relationships may improve.
Mom, are you aware of how often I bring the war between the sexes and sexuality into conversations?”
I hope to inspire a desire in many others to work consciously at listening to oneself and each other so attentively as to question attitudes which sidestep clarity, because at times when conflict won't resolve, at least one mindset is mired in denial.
I hope to impart a healthy sense of curiosity, concerning depth in emotional intelligence.
I hope to entice more of us to muster the courage to peel away at denial's walls, uproot the wounds of our egos and peer honestly into hot spots in need of healing, which spin the emotional portion of our minds out of control.
I hope to encourage patience while 'peeling the onion' in hopes that more of us will work toward detecting self defeating patterns, so that lasting changes, which strengthen our relationships, have time to develop—because surface changes are short lived.
I hope that as more of us expand our personal views, life and relationships may improve.
Mom, are you aware of how often I bring the war between the sexes and sexuality into conversations?”
“Yes. And to tell you the truth, I'm perplexed about that, too.”
“Well, I've always taken a passionate interest in the welfare of children, and in many ways I believe ‘The Pill’ has led toward the family’s undoing.”
“The birth control pill? But, Annie, I know you believe in contraception. In fact, you've relied on the pill, yourself.”
If human nature has two sides, then common sense suggests examining sudden changes that inexplicably cracked the foundation of family life during the decade of the sixties, because if we don't analyze our history, we repeat it, flaws and all ...
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