1046 TWINKLE TWINKLE—REVISITED 40

2014
I'm sure this will come as no surprise:
After reviewing yesterday's post, insights were added, and
In hopes of not igniting your frown
Those insights have been copied, here
Rather than asking you to go back:

Recently, I've made headway
Expressing fear, frustration and anger more freely than ever before
While many need to rein in those emotions
I need to grow comfortable with
Expressing that side of human nature, naturally
And that insight leads me to ask—
Which side of human nature may have had reason to
Repress (or depress) when you were a child?
Was it freedom to express the depth of your ire, or
Freedom to express the depth of your love?
And what of expressing pure sensations of joy?

If your answer is A, B, C or all three then
Something inside your mind got knocked out of wack
And what ever got out of wack is in need of re-centering ASAP
Why ASAP?
Because life is short and enjoyment, free of undeserved guilt awaits …

Upon rereading that last stanza it becomes apparent that
If I'd been given a conscious choice as to
Which side of human nature to repress
I'd have chosen fear and anger rather than
Love and joy, highlighting this fact, yet again:
Lady Luck had not abandon this three year old child, at all
Seriously—It's reassuring to know that I did not grow up
Flinging a dark, gothic frown all around—

It's reassuring to know that I was fated to grow up
Flashing a smile so bright as to
Invite the smiles of others to want to hold my hand
And BTW—
Insight into why my smile sparkles, naturally
Will appear on your screen before this story ends

Here's an insight of which I am certain:
Strings of insights as deep as these
Would not have begun to spotlight
Self depreciating pockets in my mind had I not
Delved into self discovery, so determinedly, during therapy

I mean think about it:
How many memories from the age of three
Pop naturally out of your mind in a detailed fashion?
Fortunately, my therapist knows which questions to ask, and
Thankfully, while swinging, amicably
Side by side, on my patio swing
I felt free to ask my mother for answers, which
She'd offered openly—and as you continue to
Ride sidekick with me, you'll watch me put the pieces of
My thousand piece puzzle together in such a way as to
Transform subconscious vulnerabilities into conscious strengths

I believe it's safe to surmise that if you ask
What takes place, most frequently inside my mind, today
This would be my reply:
If you peek into my ear, this what I believe you'll see:
An open minded, deeply compassionate attitude, fortified by
A dogged sense of tenacity, working responsibly to fathom
How best to resolve on-going conflicts, all around—and
Today, 'all around' suggests that while
Considering how to meet the needs of those I love—
I remember to include my own

As Will understood that my mind had channeled
Yesteryear's childlike need to feel reassured after
I'd consciously exposed and expressed a frowning emotion
His warm hug and verbal affirmation counteracted
The vulnerable reaction of
An anxious 'child's' diminished sense of self worth

While writing today's post, it grows evident that
Relapse takes place inside the brain at those times when
Any sense of subconscious enmeshment connects
Past and present events, which seem unrelated until
A sudden flash of clarity draws two situations together
In such a way that astonishes the conscious mind

As the intensity of relapse into yesteryear's fear or pain
Does not diminish until insight into the origin of
A negatively focused mindset emerges
Your adventure into self discovery may prove
As liberating as mine

Once you pinpoint the haunting nature of
A memory that taps into yesteryear's fearful vulnerability
Your adult intelligence can consciously recenter
The workings of your thought processor, consistently

(Though I've known myself to be a pleaser for quite some time
No way did I fathom the depth of my fear of frowns—
Most especially, my own)

And now, having tucked today's string of insights into my bonnet
I see myself capable of consciously reaffirming
My self worth each time echoes of PTSD
Tap into my childlike sense of fear, which is
Aroused whenever fate offers me reason to frown

Though you may express your fears, frowns and anger, naturally—
Perhaps you give yourself a really hard time after
You choose to satisfy a natural urge that
Your loved ones would, for lack of understanding, admonish  …
And as that situation proves likely for each of us
Common sense suggests it's natural for every person to
Harbor a need for some degree of privacy

As change for the better proves to be
An on-going process, hopefully, with time
My self worth will not flag at half mast whenever

I have reason to frown, because

Deeper truth suggests that

From the moment of my birth, straight through to today

I've consistently walked a path, where

Fate, luck and personal choice have led me to become

A person worthy of feeling loved whether

I'm smiling, frowning, pleasing others or not …
And though I've known that, it's high time I feel it, through and through!