At times I want to get on with a story, but intuitive resistance runs interference.
This is one of those times.
Rather than delving into the past, resistance may be suggesting that I make good use of this time to taste fruits ripe for the picking. As I've learned to respect resistance as instinct's signal to pause while readiness ripens, I hope you'll be patient if my posts tend to meander, here and there, until the next part of TWINKLE TWINKLE pops, naturally, out of my mind and onto your screen. If you ask: how long might this frustration last? I'd reply: Your guess is as good as mine. The next scene may pop up, tomorrow, and then, again, maybe not. I can't find my crystal ball.
A word of reminder:
If you glance at the title of today's post, you'll see the word REVISITED, suggesting
Each of these posts had originally been written several years back.
Had I not mentioned that fact then the next line might boggle your mind
As for now, I'm visiting my mom in the Midwest, and
It's time to meet her for lunch
After lunch, perhaps Mom and I will reminisce over old albums, because
Of how much we both miss my dad
Dad, who's been gone for over a decade, enjoyed a high spirited life
In fact, up until his last year, when his energy ebbed
Dad's spirit had proved larger than life till
He passed at the ripe age of 87
Ripeness is one thing ...
Readiness can be quite another.
Though Dad was ripe in years, like a finely aged wine
We, who loved him as richly as he'd deserved
Were not ready to let our beloved father, husband and grandfather ... go
I know that in hopes of maintaining a cup half full attitude
It's wise to accept the reality of inevitable loss: otherwise
My spirit remains stuck in such a sad place that
It may seem like the world has gone on, leaving
Me yearning for that which has past
If I let that happen, this will be my mistake:
My tears will blur yesterday's losses and today's fruits into one
In the aftermath of a loved one's death
Sensations of irretrievable loss prove inevitable
On the other hand, times exist when loss and attitude go hand in hand
We are not born with positive or negative attitudes ...
Attitudes are adopted and absorbed, suggesting that
An attitude, once identified as negative, can be consciously shed
If asked for an example of developing a cup half full attitude
Here's what I'd say:
Today, I'm having lunch with Mom, who is 98
In addition to feeling blessed with all we enjoyed in the past
I've grown realistically appreciative of
Whatever we're able to offer each other, right now—
Though our time, together, has lessened considerably from
That we'd once enjoyed when Mom had lived in the desert
Here's what intuition continues to suggest:
Our relationship was fated to change in ways that neither of us
Had expected after Dad died; however
We did not throw the baby out with the bath water—
Instead of closing the door to a love as deep as ours proved to be
Intuitive trains of thought came up with a plan that offers us
Opportunities to touch each other lovingly though
With much less frequency, than before
And when readiness suggests the time is ripe for
That story, concerning change for the better, to appear on your screen
I'll describe the evolutionary nature of the ways in which
Subconscious anxiety, had caused Mom's mind and mine
To flood with negatively focused déjà vu, repeatedly, until
I came to understand the main cause of her anxiety
Which had proved different from mine
As with all human beings, there are times
When my spirit flies at half mast
When that's true, overlong
I work to pinpoint which of my attitudes
May be in need of reconsideration
Upon pinpointing a negatively focused mind set, born of
A confounding experience, which had
Frightened my spirit into silent submission to what
Had seemed to be an all persuasive force, towering over me
Subconscious anxiety lessens, automatically
And here's what amazes me ...
Though a guilt-ridden childhood experience and
Today's inner conflict may not appear to be remotely connected
In truth, they are
More about that, later
Each time my darkened view of an earlier time
Has found sound reason to grow more objective
A weighty sense of confusion clears and
Fear based attitudes lighten up ...
Each time my view of yesteryear grows less subjective
More objective, my spirit feels relieved of a burden that
I'd carried forward, unwittingly, for years
And once my mind feels peacefully relieved of
Yesteryear's churning burden of unresolved guilt
My spirit feels less resistant to exploring new ideas that
Offers me insight into meeting my needs while
Taking good care of those I love
Each time I come up with a simple plan that
Opens my mind to accomplishing
Both of my most important goals
Guess what feels light and bright and playful as
A free spirited child?
My entire being ...
As can easily be seen, each time
My smile shines as bright as a sunbeam flowing freely from
Deep within my soul
Hmmm ... I just had a thought:
Let's say your life did not begin with tragedy as had mine
Let's say you did not grow as practiced at subconscious denial as had I
Let's say that a conscious sense of inner conflict, which continues
To hound you began with an experience that
Scared you half out of your wits when you were six, or seven or ten ...
I wonder whether insight into 'change for the better' might
Take place inside your head if
Your sense of intuition directs your mind to
Percolate upon today's train of thought, over night ...
Needless to say, I have no clue as to whether
That which expands my mind sets may expand yours; however
It seems likely that reconsidering a subconscious mindset
Adopted during childhood may resolve your inner conflict in
Such a mindful fashion as to quell latent anxiety, at long last
Seriously, isn't the possibility of opening the door to
Meeting your needs while simultaneously
Reclaiming peace of mind worth 'sleeping on it'
You know, as in ...
Let's give this 'percolating idea' the old college try ... because ...
Your peace of mind is as important as mine ...
And that's the truth
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