Though the shocking nature of Janet's loss was traumatic in and of itself, I’ve come to believe that certain character traits, which I’d adopted in the wake of my baby sister’s death, may not have developed had the attitude of one family member not readjusted several weeks after fate hit our family with this irreversible tragedy. If you ask why attitude is everything, I'd reply: Attitude is empowered to make any situation feel better … or worse.
Every now and then, during the course of my life, I’ve listened to my mother describe ‘the shock, panic, and devastation’ which tore through my parents’ hearts so powerfully as to alter their perception of God’s protective arms embracing human life. On the other hand, that was not true of Grandma, who believed in a rightous God empowered to strike his children down.
As you can imagine, the irretrievable loss of a darling child catalyzed dramatic changes in all four surviving lives. Excuse me. As this story continues to unfold, the nature of Janet’s death will have played a vital role in shaping or reshaping five lives rather than four. Why five? Because in addition to Grandma, we must remember to include a child who will never have met Janet. This child will be born into a family that has learned to fear sudden, inexplicable death.
As you can imagine, the irretrievable loss of a darling child catalyzed dramatic changes in all four surviving lives. Excuse me. As this story continues to unfold, the nature of Janet’s death will have played a vital role in shaping or reshaping five lives rather than four. Why five? Because in addition to Grandma, we must remember to include a child who will never have met Janet. This child will be born into a family that has learned to fear sudden, inexplicable death.
Common sense suggests that this third baby's early childhood experiences will differ greatly from those of the surviving older sister. And thus will my parents’ youngest daughter adopt a set of character traits utterly different from my own, because of this fact: *Experience shapes attitudes in unconscious ways.
I often hear people wondering aloud about this classic fact: "Both of my children were raised in the same home by the same parents—why are their traits so different?" Reflection suggests that in the aftermath of personal tragedy, the fickle finger of fate offered my parents reason to reconsider certain attitudes and beliefs. When attitudes and beliefs change so do our decisions. As beliefs, attitudes and decisions change, so does the emotional environment, which influences the development of each child's personality. Thus, it's likely that siblings, who grow up with the same parents, may not be raised as similarly as we surmise. And—when you watch me raise my children—I'll show you why that's also true in homes where tragic circumstances do not exist.
I often hear people wondering aloud about this classic fact: "Both of my children were raised in the same home by the same parents—why are their traits so different?" Reflection suggests that in the aftermath of personal tragedy, the fickle finger of fate offered my parents reason to reconsider certain attitudes and beliefs. When attitudes and beliefs change so do our decisions. As beliefs, attitudes and decisions change, so does the emotional environment, which influences the development of each child's personality. Thus, it's likely that siblings, who grow up with the same parents, may not be raised as similarly as we surmise. And—when you watch me raise my children—I'll show you why that's also true in homes where tragic circumstances do not exist.
As my early emotional environment differed dramatically from that which my sister Lauren experienced during her first five formative years of life, my stories will highlight specific situations, which caused me to shy away from developing certain traits, classically characteristic of the first born child. By way of storytelling, you'll see why it makes sense to surmise that in the aftermath of a fearsome, family tragedy, two children will 'remember' a shared childhood from different perspectives, because their perceptions of themselves, each other, and family life will have been shaped by dissimilar experiences. If seeing is believing then story telling allows me to show you why siblings, raised by the same parents, tend to adopt different attitudes, fears and strengths …
No comments:
Post a Comment