I recently read this quote in Reader's Digest's advice@rd.com:
"Each person plays a certain role in a family. These are typically assigned organically (subconsciously) rather than intentionally, and they may not even match up well with the person's strengths. The 'funny one' may not be the funniest, or 'the smart one' may not be the smartest. Like it or not … these family assignments are very sticky and usually don't budge without some sort of hysterical drama that rips the family apart …"
As this quote suggests, it's far from easy, in fact quite a challenge, to change your accepted role in the family. Therefore, you can see why positive focus, resilience, courage, humility, patience and diplomatic discretion are strengths which must be fully baked if you are to stand up for yourself without shooting the adversarial attitude of a loved one down. Let your defense system shoot down another and watch mass confusion split your extended family into two sides, polarizing everyone's defensive reactions in record time. Unfortunately, you don't have to shoot for a person with low self esteem to feel shot. And as feeling shot feels the same as being shot, the pessimist automatically shoots back and the drama begins.
When do cock-eyed optimists lose sight of positive focus? When we believe we're making headway, influencing change for the better, all around, no matter how often experience provides evidence that the other person's attitude is as negatively focused as ever, meaning that despite every effort made, conflict has not budged so much as a smidgen toward resolution. This is where 'the myth of movement' comes in.
The myth of movement suggests the optimist is in denial of making no headway toward conflict resolution, at all. Want to save your sanity when going toe to toe with an adversarial attitude that acts conciliatory but has not budged an inch? Focus your powers of concentration upon determining whether you've been conversing with an attitude that has promise of making headway, one baby step at a time vs. butting your head against an attitude that's blind to this fact: Both people must hold their defensive reactions accountable for adding to the state of confusion, that delays change for the better until clarity into objectivity deepens on both sides. You see, a person who remains blind to his own mindset of pessimistic impatience will power struggle till the bitter end.
If asked why the greatest difference between an optimistic realist and pessimist is based in underlying (subconscious) attitude, I'd reply:
When faced with what seems like failure, the attitude of the optimistic realist develops the resilience to control defensiveness no matter how consistently 'he' feels shot down by a pessimistic retort.
If asked what separates the cock-eyed optimist, the realistic optimist and the pessimist into three camps, I'd reply: Though the first is fooled by the myth of movement, the realist gains insight into training his eye to achieve long range goals by growing aware of infinitesimal changes for the better to which the pessimistic mindset remains blind. As the realist is the only one of the three who is not blinded by defensive denial, he consciously chooses to lighten the weight on his shoulders when insight into conflict resolution suggests that the other two, who act conciliatory, have no clue that they're still wandering through a maze in the dark.
Since my posts highlight the importance of deepening awareness, I wonder if you are aware of a change in the number of insights I choose to publish, each day. You see, while writing each post (concerning the importance of identifying defensive attitudes vs. objective attitudes, leaning toward optimistic patterns of thought), my thoughts do not go on and on and on. And here's how I make sure that's true: After writing several insights, I bring each post to a close, save it in drafts and immediately begin to write the next train of thought, suggesting that several posts may be penned and saved on the same day. In this way, I don't tax your time or your mind. In addition to that, your think tank is more apt to comprehend and absorb each insight more readily than in the past when posts went on and on, causing too many insights to clump up against each other. And as I'm several posts ahead of you, it seems safe to say that our current topic will be closing in on home plate before too long, suggesting that I'm readying myself to relate the story of these last four, life changing months of my life :)
As to my referencing the cock-eyed optimist and the myth of movement in the title of today's post ... well, guess we might say that once I began to write the post published, today, my mind paid little mind to what I had in mind to say. And since my mind reacted as though it had a mind of its own, I was every bit as unaware of my train of thought switching tracks as a person who goes from logic solution seeking to a defensive state of mind that needs to even the score by shooting the other side down. In fact, I'd no clue of having switched tracks until I glanced up at the title to see the cock-eyed optimist and myth of movement staring back at me … :)
"Each person plays a certain role in a family. These are typically assigned organically (subconsciously) rather than intentionally, and they may not even match up well with the person's strengths. The 'funny one' may not be the funniest, or 'the smart one' may not be the smartest. Like it or not … these family assignments are very sticky and usually don't budge without some sort of hysterical drama that rips the family apart …"
As this quote suggests, it's far from easy, in fact quite a challenge, to change your accepted role in the family. Therefore, you can see why positive focus, resilience, courage, humility, patience and diplomatic discretion are strengths which must be fully baked if you are to stand up for yourself without shooting the adversarial attitude of a loved one down. Let your defense system shoot down another and watch mass confusion split your extended family into two sides, polarizing everyone's defensive reactions in record time. Unfortunately, you don't have to shoot for a person with low self esteem to feel shot. And as feeling shot feels the same as being shot, the pessimist automatically shoots back and the drama begins.
When do cock-eyed optimists lose sight of positive focus? When we believe we're making headway, influencing change for the better, all around, no matter how often experience provides evidence that the other person's attitude is as negatively focused as ever, meaning that despite every effort made, conflict has not budged so much as a smidgen toward resolution. This is where 'the myth of movement' comes in.
The myth of movement suggests the optimist is in denial of making no headway toward conflict resolution, at all. Want to save your sanity when going toe to toe with an adversarial attitude that acts conciliatory but has not budged an inch? Focus your powers of concentration upon determining whether you've been conversing with an attitude that has promise of making headway, one baby step at a time vs. butting your head against an attitude that's blind to this fact: Both people must hold their defensive reactions accountable for adding to the state of confusion, that delays change for the better until clarity into objectivity deepens on both sides. You see, a person who remains blind to his own mindset of pessimistic impatience will power struggle till the bitter end.
If asked why the greatest difference between an optimistic realist and pessimist is based in underlying (subconscious) attitude, I'd reply:
When faced with what seems like failure, the attitude of the optimistic realist develops the resilience to control defensiveness no matter how consistently 'he' feels shot down by a pessimistic retort.
If asked what separates the cock-eyed optimist, the realistic optimist and the pessimist into three camps, I'd reply: Though the first is fooled by the myth of movement, the realist gains insight into training his eye to achieve long range goals by growing aware of infinitesimal changes for the better to which the pessimistic mindset remains blind. As the realist is the only one of the three who is not blinded by defensive denial, he consciously chooses to lighten the weight on his shoulders when insight into conflict resolution suggests that the other two, who act conciliatory, have no clue that they're still wandering through a maze in the dark.
Since my posts highlight the importance of deepening awareness, I wonder if you are aware of a change in the number of insights I choose to publish, each day. You see, while writing each post (concerning the importance of identifying defensive attitudes vs. objective attitudes, leaning toward optimistic patterns of thought), my thoughts do not go on and on and on. And here's how I make sure that's true: After writing several insights, I bring each post to a close, save it in drafts and immediately begin to write the next train of thought, suggesting that several posts may be penned and saved on the same day. In this way, I don't tax your time or your mind. In addition to that, your think tank is more apt to comprehend and absorb each insight more readily than in the past when posts went on and on, causing too many insights to clump up against each other. And as I'm several posts ahead of you, it seems safe to say that our current topic will be closing in on home plate before too long, suggesting that I'm readying myself to relate the story of these last four, life changing months of my life :)
As to my referencing the cock-eyed optimist and the myth of movement in the title of today's post ... well, guess we might say that once I began to write the post published, today, my mind paid little mind to what I had in mind to say. And since my mind reacted as though it had a mind of its own, I was every bit as unaware of my train of thought switching tracks as a person who goes from logic solution seeking to a defensive state of mind that needs to even the score by shooting the other side down. In fact, I'd no clue of having switched tracks until I glanced up at the title to see the cock-eyed optimist and myth of movement staring back at me … :)
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