October 4, 2013
The day after we'd received Will's path report
David drives me to see my internist
Who looks relieved to see that I'm—
Eating
Holding my weight loss to 9 pounds
Sleeping
Smiling inspite of feeling anxious for good reason and yet
Much less anxious than
During my last visit with her, to the point that
With every passing day
I feel more clear-headed, even though
The medication's drugging properties have a loopy, lingering effect
Annie, it's good that you know yourself as highly sensitive to medication
It's also good that you were mindful of seeking help when
Your adrenal glands went into overdrive and
Your production of adrenalin was in need of resetting
I've observed your readiness to take the medication ...
As well as your determination to
Wean off of it in order to
Reclaim your sense of clear-headedness ...
Your level of self motivation is impressive
Though all I say is: Thank you
I am quietly reflecting over
A comment made by Cary:
I remember him saying:
If two opinions are circulating, I'd not bet against yours ...
After Dr. T jots down a note or two
She goes on to say:
There's 'nothing' wrong with your brain ...
In fact, when put to the test, you have a very strong mind ...
It's just in need of a rest
My internist's vote of confidence
Wins my appreciative smile
Later that afternoon, while thanking David profusely for
Every loving kindness
We hug our son and send him off with warm smiles, all around
Even so—
A touch of trepidation trembles behind each smile for sound reason ...
I mean, Will's margins are not clean and
Not one of us understands my reaction—Yet …
Angie and Mark feel they are abandoning ship, because
David is not the only one flying away
Tomorrow, our dear friends are flying to visit their grandkids.
When Angie stops by, I reassure her to fly free of worry. One look at her face shows me that my reassurance does nothing to relax the depth of her concern, so I smile and suggest that with clarity, my actions will speak louder than words. At this, Angie smiles half-heartedly, and I realize how distressing it must have been to have watched the rawness of my vulnerability, over these past four weeks, so I remind her to have faith in me …
Angie, says: I'm worried, because you still don't know why your anxiety spiked so high. And now that Will's margins aren't clean, I'm afraid this bad news will affect your state of mind …
Taking hold of my friend's shoulders, we lock eyes as I interrupt with: Angie, take a good look at me. Do I appear more like myself?
Yes, but ...
Angie, I've gained insight into when to ask for help and when to rely on myself ... So, please ... fly safe; enjoy your kids and don't pack any undeserved guilt. At this, Angie smiles; so do I, and once again, we take comfort in each other's hug.
Good to know that I've learned when to ask for help ... Part of my problem had been my pattern of stretching to offer help, all around, until, having stretched my endurance too far, I'd fallen flat on my face, twice ... and both times, Socrates swooped down from on high to whisper two words of wisdom into my ear:
Know thyself ...
Unfortunately, I was listening so closely to the needs of others that I'd failed to hear the sage imploring me to consider my own. Guess by carrying selflessness too far, I'd forgotten to consider the importance of 'balance in all things'. I'd also allowed narrow minded 'shoulds' to lead me toward giving myself undeserved guilt trips, which blinded me from recognizing critical times when creative trains of thought would have expanded my comfort zone, thus allowing my think tank to figure out how to take good care of everyone I loved, while at the same time, carving out an existential path of my own.
Upon reflection, I can't help but wonder if each of us would gain insight into Socrates' cautionary warning more quickly had the sage chosen to employ more than two words, but then, I remember that he's a guy, and since I'm a loquacious woman, two heads might prove better than one ...
Anyway, after David, Angie and Mark fly away, my next two days offer up that which the doctor ordered: A mind-soothing sense of peace and quiet. Then, upon awakening next to Will in the safe
haven of our home—all sense of loopy-ness is gone, and as clarity is finally mine ...
THE SECRET FEAR SLIPS THROUGH THE CRACK IN MY DEFENSIVE WALL, AT LAST
The day after we'd received Will's path report
David drives me to see my internist
Who looks relieved to see that I'm—
Eating
Holding my weight loss to 9 pounds
Sleeping
Smiling inspite of feeling anxious for good reason and yet
Much less anxious than
During my last visit with her, to the point that
With every passing day
I feel more clear-headed, even though
The medication's drugging properties have a loopy, lingering effect
Annie, it's good that you know yourself as highly sensitive to medication
It's also good that you were mindful of seeking help when
Your adrenal glands went into overdrive and
Your production of adrenalin was in need of resetting
I've observed your readiness to take the medication ...
As well as your determination to
Wean off of it in order to
Reclaim your sense of clear-headedness ...
Your level of self motivation is impressive
Though all I say is: Thank you
I am quietly reflecting over
A comment made by Cary:
I remember him saying:
If two opinions are circulating, I'd not bet against yours ...
After Dr. T jots down a note or two
She goes on to say:
There's 'nothing' wrong with your brain ...
In fact, when put to the test, you have a very strong mind ...
It's just in need of a rest
My internist's vote of confidence
Wins my appreciative smile
Later that afternoon, while thanking David profusely for
Every loving kindness
We hug our son and send him off with warm smiles, all around
Even so—
A touch of trepidation trembles behind each smile for sound reason ...
I mean, Will's margins are not clean and
Not one of us understands my reaction—Yet …
Angie and Mark feel they are abandoning ship, because
David is not the only one flying away
Tomorrow, our dear friends are flying to visit their grandkids.
When Angie stops by, I reassure her to fly free of worry. One look at her face shows me that my reassurance does nothing to relax the depth of her concern, so I smile and suggest that with clarity, my actions will speak louder than words. At this, Angie smiles half-heartedly, and I realize how distressing it must have been to have watched the rawness of my vulnerability, over these past four weeks, so I remind her to have faith in me …
Angie, says: I'm worried, because you still don't know why your anxiety spiked so high. And now that Will's margins aren't clean, I'm afraid this bad news will affect your state of mind …
Taking hold of my friend's shoulders, we lock eyes as I interrupt with: Angie, take a good look at me. Do I appear more like myself?
Yes, but ...
Angie, I've gained insight into when to ask for help and when to rely on myself ... So, please ... fly safe; enjoy your kids and don't pack any undeserved guilt. At this, Angie smiles; so do I, and once again, we take comfort in each other's hug.
Good to know that I've learned when to ask for help ... Part of my problem had been my pattern of stretching to offer help, all around, until, having stretched my endurance too far, I'd fallen flat on my face, twice ... and both times, Socrates swooped down from on high to whisper two words of wisdom into my ear:
Know thyself ...
Unfortunately, I was listening so closely to the needs of others that I'd failed to hear the sage imploring me to consider my own. Guess by carrying selflessness too far, I'd forgotten to consider the importance of 'balance in all things'. I'd also allowed narrow minded 'shoulds' to lead me toward giving myself undeserved guilt trips, which blinded me from recognizing critical times when creative trains of thought would have expanded my comfort zone, thus allowing my think tank to figure out how to take good care of everyone I loved, while at the same time, carving out an existential path of my own.
Upon reflection, I can't help but wonder if each of us would gain insight into Socrates' cautionary warning more quickly had the sage chosen to employ more than two words, but then, I remember that he's a guy, and since I'm a loquacious woman, two heads might prove better than one ...
Anyway, after David, Angie and Mark fly away, my next two days offer up that which the doctor ordered: A mind-soothing sense of peace and quiet. Then, upon awakening next to Will in the safe
haven of our home—all sense of loopy-ness is gone, and as clarity is finally mine ...
THE SECRET FEAR SLIPS THROUGH THE CRACK IN MY DEFENSIVE WALL, AT LAST
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