September 26, 2013
Two days after Will's surgery, I call David into our room and say:
Dad is showering, and I can't help him
Why not, Mom?
I don't know, I just can't … I asked him to ask you, but
He didn't. He'll be out of the shower and in need of help in a minute …
No problem, Mom, that's why I'm here
Somehow, David's supportive attitude, free of judgment
Touches me so deeply that
His reassurance draws forth my smile …
Then just as he has helped me so lovingly
Our youngest son goes off to help his dad
As I lie there, feeling fortunate and confounded, all at once
This thought flashes through my mind:
Like a locomotive is empowered
To pull a train made up of many cars
Each of which is filled with something else
My think tank is empowered to handle
A spectrum of emotions, simultaneously, unless
The spirit of the engineer
Gets tied up in the baggage car, suggesting that no one
Is controlling the brakes, resulting in
My fully stoked engine reacting like a run away train
Sometime later, Angie stops by and
Observing my runaway mind lying on the Murphy bed in
Our office/second guest room my dear friend asks:
What are you doing in here?
Will and I had to switch sides in bed
Why?
The catheter tube is taped to his right leg and since
The bag lies on the floor, the length of the tube
Needs to hang off the right side of the bed, so
He's on my side of the bed
So why aren't you on the left side of the bed?
Facing left is a problem for my sciatica …
That position puts too much pressure on the nerve
Since this bed has not been put up since Barry left
I decided to try it out, and anyway, this offers me a change …
Okay. I get it.
Though satisfied with my reasoning, Angie's brow furrows as
Her mind switches tracks:
Annie, you're so pale and thin; you don't seem any better …
I'm not. I called my therapist and internist—
Cary is coming here after his office hours …
And I'm seeing the internist, tomorrow …
I've been wondering if I need to be hospitalized …
Annie, Will is going to be fine …
Angie—this is not about Will. I mean it is, but it isn't ...
It is, because I'd feel devastated to lose him, but
Devastated and terrified are world's apart—
I have to get to the bottom of this …
I know you do, Annie, and you will; you always do
As Angie's vote of confidence
Draws forth another small smile
It's reassuring to know that smiles still exist at my core
And as my arms unclench enough to express
The depth of my gratitude with a hug
These words float, naturally, out of my heart:
Thanks for having faith in me, Angie
I always have faith in you, Annie—if there's anyone who
Looks the tiger in the eye, it's you, but
That doesn't mean I'm not worried …
Well—Welcome to the club, because
I am, too, and so are Will and the boys …
Actually, the only one who's not worried is Ellie—
She's positive I'll bounce back on my own
Why does she think that?
I asked her that very question
And couldn't help but smile when she replied:
I don't know how I know, I just do
Annie—she was quoting you …
Maybe that's what made me smile
Well, you're sure not smiling, now
I know that, too, so if you've come to cheer me up
Say something funny, already
One of the countless advantages of
My friendship with Angie is that
We laugh till we cry and we cry till we laugh
Fortunately, Angie's husband, Mark, is Will's best friend, and
Since we four discuss everything pretty openly
We like to say that the sum of our character traits
Would make an amazingly well-balanced marriage
The fact that Angie and I
Do not agree on all things proves to be a good thing
For this reason:
I have an upbeat attitude concerning topics that
Get her down and vice-a-versa
In addition to that
Our minds are open to considering each other's
Insights into life, because we respect each other's values
On the other hand, Angie's patience wears thin as soon as
She hears 'change for the better takes time'
So she's sure I'll be hospitalized if the sun doesn't
Shine by tomorrow …
Two days after Will's surgery, I call David into our room and say:
Dad is showering, and I can't help him
Why not, Mom?
I don't know, I just can't … I asked him to ask you, but
He didn't. He'll be out of the shower and in need of help in a minute …
No problem, Mom, that's why I'm here
Somehow, David's supportive attitude, free of judgment
Touches me so deeply that
His reassurance draws forth my smile …
Then just as he has helped me so lovingly
Our youngest son goes off to help his dad
As I lie there, feeling fortunate and confounded, all at once
This thought flashes through my mind:
Like a locomotive is empowered
To pull a train made up of many cars
Each of which is filled with something else
My think tank is empowered to handle
A spectrum of emotions, simultaneously, unless
The spirit of the engineer
Gets tied up in the baggage car, suggesting that no one
Is controlling the brakes, resulting in
My fully stoked engine reacting like a run away train
Sometime later, Angie stops by and
Observing my runaway mind lying on the Murphy bed in
Our office/second guest room my dear friend asks:
What are you doing in here?
Will and I had to switch sides in bed
Why?
The catheter tube is taped to his right leg and since
The bag lies on the floor, the length of the tube
Needs to hang off the right side of the bed, so
He's on my side of the bed
So why aren't you on the left side of the bed?
Facing left is a problem for my sciatica …
That position puts too much pressure on the nerve
Since this bed has not been put up since Barry left
I decided to try it out, and anyway, this offers me a change …
Okay. I get it.
Though satisfied with my reasoning, Angie's brow furrows as
Her mind switches tracks:
Annie, you're so pale and thin; you don't seem any better …
I'm not. I called my therapist and internist—
Cary is coming here after his office hours …
And I'm seeing the internist, tomorrow …
I've been wondering if I need to be hospitalized …
Annie, Will is going to be fine …
Angie—this is not about Will. I mean it is, but it isn't ...
It is, because I'd feel devastated to lose him, but
Devastated and terrified are world's apart—
I have to get to the bottom of this …
I know you do, Annie, and you will; you always do
As Angie's vote of confidence
Draws forth another small smile
It's reassuring to know that smiles still exist at my core
And as my arms unclench enough to express
The depth of my gratitude with a hug
These words float, naturally, out of my heart:
Thanks for having faith in me, Angie
I always have faith in you, Annie—if there's anyone who
Looks the tiger in the eye, it's you, but
That doesn't mean I'm not worried …
Well—Welcome to the club, because
I am, too, and so are Will and the boys …
Actually, the only one who's not worried is Ellie—
She's positive I'll bounce back on my own
Why does she think that?
I asked her that very question
And couldn't help but smile when she replied:
I don't know how I know, I just do
Annie—she was quoting you …
Maybe that's what made me smile
Well, you're sure not smiling, now
I know that, too, so if you've come to cheer me up
Say something funny, already
One of the countless advantages of
My friendship with Angie is that
We laugh till we cry and we cry till we laugh
Fortunately, Angie's husband, Mark, is Will's best friend, and
Since we four discuss everything pretty openly
We like to say that the sum of our character traits
Would make an amazingly well-balanced marriage
The fact that Angie and I
Do not agree on all things proves to be a good thing
For this reason:
I have an upbeat attitude concerning topics that
Get her down and vice-a-versa
In addition to that
Our minds are open to considering each other's
Insights into life, because we respect each other's values
On the other hand, Angie's patience wears thin as soon as
She hears 'change for the better takes time'
So she's sure I'll be hospitalized if the sun doesn't
Shine by tomorrow …
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