Barry must have talked to David
Because there's another knock at my door
And when David walks in, he says:
Mom, I know you want to take care of Dad, but
You don't have to worry, because I'll be here for at least a week
And we just want you to take care of yourself …
February, 2014
In retrospect, there's a silver lining here—
I wonder if you can see it:
Had I been clear headed enough to take good care of Will
The baton would not have passed to our three sons, thus
Offering them this opportunity to step up to the plate and
Demonstrate the extent of their non'judgemental, care-giving skills …
And while their generosity of spirit proves exceptionally reassuring
The depth of my vulnerability remains mystifyingly confounding ...
September 25, 2013
This is Will's first day home, and he does well
It's on his second day, after Barry's flown back to the coast
That the father of my three sons realizes
This first stage of recovery is much more than he'd expected
Not so much in terms of pain but
In taking care of himself so soon after major surgery
Upon showering, he can't dry the bottom half of his body
So he calls for me ... no problem, right? Wrong.
I, observing Will's frustration and exhaustion, suddenly feel faint, so
Sinking quietly to the floor, I'm toweling Will and his catheter dry
While silently wracking my brain for the thousandth time—
What the heck is happening inside my mind???
Am I cracking up?
Why can't I do something as simple as this without feeling faint???
None of this makes any sense, at least not yet—
February 2014
Day and night, I stressed through two additional weeks before
All of my brain wracking finally paid off, and
Insight into the stormy nature of my dark, clouded terror
Clarified, at last …
As you shall see, something was cracking, but
That 'something' was not my sanity ...
That which had cracked proved to be my defensive wall—
And thank God for that, because once that secret, which
I'd kept from myself, slipped through the crack into
My conscious sense of awareness
My quest for self discovery will have offered
My adult mind clarity into the terrifying detail, which had
Slipped into my subconscious along with every memory associated with
That which Mother Nature had empowered a child's
Terrified mind to forget by mercifully
Conjuring up denial to alter my 'view' of reality every time
This terrorizing presence threatened me with harm, again ...
And by wracking my brain, I came to see why
The unhealed child, who'd buried this dreaded secret
Deeply within the darkest pocket of my subconscious
Felt terrified, anew, as though Will's vulnerability would
Free 'something horrific' to harm me, as before ...
Needless to say, my conscious mind did not fathom
Any part of this train of thought until
Two weeks into my husband's recovery, when
I awakened next to Will, and
That secreted detail slipped through the crack in
My defensive wall, at long last ... Thus offering
Me reason to give thanks for my mantra
Which guides my path, most especially during
Life's most trying times:
NGUOUY
Never give up on (working to) understand yourself (in depth)
Hey ... Guess that's my way of quoting
The spirit of my friend, Socrates, who
Swoops down from on high, hovering
Close to your ear and mine, imploring every tortured soul
To: Know thyself :)
PS. Being that the sage is a guy, he managed to say in
Two words that which drew forth many more from me
On the other hand, it's possible that the scarcity of
His explanation failed to open narrow minds, which
Misjudged this good soul as being a threat to society, so
Being that his peers remained blind and deaf to
That which the sage felt compelled to say
They sentenced him to death ... And
As my friend, the sage, was an orator, not a writer
Here is why you'll hear me give thanks, repeatedly
For the fact that his disciple, Plato, took notes:
Repetition is not redundant
When my goal is mindful retention, and
If you ask why I sit for hours, every day
Pouring trains of thought into cyberspace
In hopes of opening eyes and ears around the
Globe to that which I feel compelled to say
I'd reply: Each time I sit down to write
My adult mind engages with the process of healing
The injured child within me, who could
Not defend herself or cry out for release from the
Pain of undeserved guilt
You see, each time my adult think tank sends out
Trains of self-healing insights, which pop up on
Your screen, day after day
This sweet and trusting, deeply
Confounded, good, little girl feels ever more
Deeply reassured that each time
She sheds another layer of undeserved guilt
She comes closer to regaining the lost sense of
Self trust that abuse had ripped away
And each time your courageous, adult, friend, Annie,
Opens her mouth to make sound use of her voice
A small, wounded child looks up to
The woman I've worked determinedly to become
And in this way do subconscious child and conscious adult
Hold hands while the vulnerabilities of two brainstorm
Toward developing the inner strengths of one, who
Holds her head up high while
Walking the walk toward regaining her smile's
High spirited lost sense of inner peace, one
Positively focused step at a time as I move forward upon my
Adventure through life, seeking to deepen my insight
Into becoming the change that I hope for the world
(Yes, the spirit of Gandhi, who proves a treasured friend
To all who freely choose to open eyes and ears to
Personal growth, swoops down to sit on my shoulder as
Jiminy whispered into Pinochio's ear until
A little wooden-headed puppet grew into a real, live
Deep thinking child :)
Because there's another knock at my door
And when David walks in, he says:
Mom, I know you want to take care of Dad, but
You don't have to worry, because I'll be here for at least a week
And we just want you to take care of yourself …
February, 2014
In retrospect, there's a silver lining here—
I wonder if you can see it:
Had I been clear headed enough to take good care of Will
The baton would not have passed to our three sons, thus
Offering them this opportunity to step up to the plate and
Demonstrate the extent of their non'judgemental, care-giving skills …
And while their generosity of spirit proves exceptionally reassuring
The depth of my vulnerability remains mystifyingly confounding ...
September 25, 2013
This is Will's first day home, and he does well
It's on his second day, after Barry's flown back to the coast
That the father of my three sons realizes
This first stage of recovery is much more than he'd expected
Not so much in terms of pain but
In taking care of himself so soon after major surgery
Upon showering, he can't dry the bottom half of his body
So he calls for me ... no problem, right? Wrong.
I, observing Will's frustration and exhaustion, suddenly feel faint, so
Sinking quietly to the floor, I'm toweling Will and his catheter dry
While silently wracking my brain for the thousandth time—
What the heck is happening inside my mind???
Am I cracking up?
Why can't I do something as simple as this without feeling faint???
None of this makes any sense, at least not yet—
February 2014
Day and night, I stressed through two additional weeks before
All of my brain wracking finally paid off, and
Insight into the stormy nature of my dark, clouded terror
Clarified, at last …
As you shall see, something was cracking, but
That 'something' was not my sanity ...
That which had cracked proved to be my defensive wall—
And thank God for that, because once that secret, which
I'd kept from myself, slipped through the crack into
My conscious sense of awareness
My quest for self discovery will have offered
My adult mind clarity into the terrifying detail, which had
Slipped into my subconscious along with every memory associated with
That which Mother Nature had empowered a child's
Terrified mind to forget by mercifully
Conjuring up denial to alter my 'view' of reality every time
This terrorizing presence threatened me with harm, again ...
And by wracking my brain, I came to see why
The unhealed child, who'd buried this dreaded secret
Deeply within the darkest pocket of my subconscious
Felt terrified, anew, as though Will's vulnerability would
Free 'something horrific' to harm me, as before ...
Needless to say, my conscious mind did not fathom
Any part of this train of thought until
Two weeks into my husband's recovery, when
I awakened next to Will, and
That secreted detail slipped through the crack in
My defensive wall, at long last ... Thus offering
Me reason to give thanks for my mantra
Which guides my path, most especially during
Life's most trying times:
NGUOUY
Never give up on (working to) understand yourself (in depth)
Hey ... Guess that's my way of quoting
The spirit of my friend, Socrates, who
Swoops down from on high, hovering
Close to your ear and mine, imploring every tortured soul
To: Know thyself :)
PS. Being that the sage is a guy, he managed to say in
Two words that which drew forth many more from me
On the other hand, it's possible that the scarcity of
His explanation failed to open narrow minds, which
Misjudged this good soul as being a threat to society, so
Being that his peers remained blind and deaf to
That which the sage felt compelled to say
They sentenced him to death ... And
As my friend, the sage, was an orator, not a writer
Here is why you'll hear me give thanks, repeatedly
For the fact that his disciple, Plato, took notes:
Repetition is not redundant
When my goal is mindful retention, and
If you ask why I sit for hours, every day
Pouring trains of thought into cyberspace
In hopes of opening eyes and ears around the
Globe to that which I feel compelled to say
I'd reply: Each time I sit down to write
My adult mind engages with the process of healing
The injured child within me, who could
Not defend herself or cry out for release from the
Pain of undeserved guilt
You see, each time my adult think tank sends out
Trains of self-healing insights, which pop up on
Your screen, day after day
This sweet and trusting, deeply
Confounded, good, little girl feels ever more
Deeply reassured that each time
She sheds another layer of undeserved guilt
She comes closer to regaining the lost sense of
Self trust that abuse had ripped away
And each time your courageous, adult, friend, Annie,
Opens her mouth to make sound use of her voice
A small, wounded child looks up to
The woman I've worked determinedly to become
And in this way do subconscious child and conscious adult
Hold hands while the vulnerabilities of two brainstorm
Toward developing the inner strengths of one, who
Holds her head up high while
Walking the walk toward regaining her smile's
High spirited lost sense of inner peace, one
Positively focused step at a time as I move forward upon my
Adventure through life, seeking to deepen my insight
Into becoming the change that I hope for the world
(Yes, the spirit of Gandhi, who proves a treasured friend
To all who freely choose to open eyes and ears to
Personal growth, swoops down to sit on my shoulder as
Jiminy whispered into Pinochio's ear until
A little wooden-headed puppet grew into a real, live
Deep thinking child :)
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