Dr B arrives, introduces the anesthesiologist, and
After we take turns kissing Will
I linger for a moment to share one more kiss, a smile and
While giving his hand an extra squeeze
My husband is rolled away, so
My husband is rolled away, so
I catch up with everyone, who'd stopped in the hall to
Ask for directions to the cafeteria, where
Ask for directions to the cafeteria, where
Comfort food ... Namely, scrambled eggs, awaits ... And
While the medical staff takes good care of Will
I gaze around the table, feeling grateful for the
Comforting presence of loved ones, who value the importance of
Taking good care of each other during life's most trying times
Upon making our way back to the small waiting room
Barry's phone rings
It's my mom
I ask to speak to her
When Mom hears my voice, she says:
Annie ... I hear you're a mess, then she wishes Will well
After thanking her for wishing Will well, I say: I love you, Mom
And hand the phone back to Barry
Angie is right next to me and slipping my arm through hers
I soothe my mind by reminding myself that my mother means well …
Then, I remember how frequently Mom says:
Annie, don't feel that way ... As though guiding me to
Switch off any emotion that she'd been taught to consider
Socially unacceptable, and in this way
Do generations of children grow up suppressing emotions
Which are natural to the human condition until, unfortunately
We learn to feel ashamed when our vulnerabilities are exposed
(You know that saying: Fake it till you make it ... Well
Here's why I believe that can prove to be a poor choice:
Sometimes we fake what we feel for so long that
Suppression morphs into repression, and
And when emotion is repressed
It's impossible to tell the difference between
That which we truly feel at our core and
That which we think we should feel while personal needs, which
Have been anesthetized, go unmet ... until
Some day in the distant future, we reflect back with regret)
By the time we've settled back into the inner sanctum
It's become so hot that a discussion ensues concerning
Whether or not to reveal our discomfort, because, at first
It had been so cold that we'd asked 'our' volunteer to
Call maintenance, who arrived with a ladder and
While the medical staff takes good care of Will
I gaze around the table, feeling grateful for the
Comforting presence of loved ones, who value the importance of
Taking good care of each other during life's most trying times
Upon making our way back to the small waiting room
Barry's phone rings
It's my mom
I ask to speak to her
When Mom hears my voice, she says:
Annie ... I hear you're a mess, then she wishes Will well
After thanking her for wishing Will well, I say: I love you, Mom
And hand the phone back to Barry
Angie is right next to me and slipping my arm through hers
I soothe my mind by reminding myself that my mother means well …
Then, I remember how frequently Mom says:
Annie, don't feel that way ... As though guiding me to
Switch off any emotion that she'd been taught to consider
Socially unacceptable, and in this way
Do generations of children grow up suppressing emotions
Which are natural to the human condition until, unfortunately
We learn to feel ashamed when our vulnerabilities are exposed
(You know that saying: Fake it till you make it ... Well
Here's why I believe that can prove to be a poor choice:
Sometimes we fake what we feel for so long that
Suppression morphs into repression, and
And when emotion is repressed
It's impossible to tell the difference between
That which we truly feel at our core and
That which we think we should feel while personal needs, which
Have been anesthetized, go unmet ... until
Some day in the distant future, we reflect back with regret)
By the time we've settled back into the inner sanctum
It's become so hot that a discussion ensues concerning
Whether or not to reveal our discomfort, because, at first
It had been so cold that we'd asked 'our' volunteer to
Call maintenance, who arrived with a ladder and
Made some kind of adjustment inside a vent in the ceiling …
While our discussion, concerning whether or not to
Reveal what we feel, circles round
The temperature continues to climb until
Everyone feels too uncomfortable to ignore this problem, which
Is becoming worse and worse, so rather than
'Suffering in silence', we decide to make our needs known …
And once again, I express appreciation when
'Our' voluneer meets our request for 'change for the better'
With a gracious sense of compassion
I mean, think about it:
If it's true that nothing stays the same, meaning that
Everything gets better or worse then
Common sense suggests there's nothing to be gained by
While our discussion, concerning whether or not to
Reveal what we feel, circles round
The temperature continues to climb until
Everyone feels too uncomfortable to ignore this problem, which
Is becoming worse and worse, so rather than
'Suffering in silence', we decide to make our needs known …
And once again, I express appreciation when
'Our' voluneer meets our request for 'change for the better'
With a gracious sense of compassion
I mean, think about it:
If it's true that nothing stays the same, meaning that
Everything gets better or worse then
Common sense suggests there's nothing to be gained by
Forcing our spirits to 'suffer in silence' while
Following 'social dictate', right?
Thank goodness we have the good sense to
Know *who* our go to person is, because
Once the problematic situation has been
Thoroughly reassessed and
The atmosphere remains consistently rebalanced
We all feel so much better ...
A short while later, someone knocks on our door
We open it to find 'our' volunteer standing on the
Threshold of 'our' inner sanctum, once again and
Everyone returns her smile when 'our' new friend says:
I just received word that surgery is going well ...
At that, a communal sigh of tension is released, and
It's apparent that, deep inside
We've all been on the same emotional ride
Following 'social dictate', right?
Thank goodness we have the good sense to
Know *who* our go to person is, because
Once the problematic situation has been
Thoroughly reassessed and
The atmosphere remains consistently rebalanced
We all feel so much better ...
A short while later, someone knocks on our door
We open it to find 'our' volunteer standing on the
Threshold of 'our' inner sanctum, once again and
Everyone returns her smile when 'our' new friend says:
I just received word that surgery is going well ...
At that, a communal sigh of tension is released, and
It's apparent that, deep inside
We've all been on the same emotional ride
This awareness feels so reassuring that
Upon easing back into my reclining chair
I feel myself accepting my vulnerabilities with
A greater degree of balance than before, and
Once again, I surmise—So far so good …
Monday, February 3, 2014—Barry's birthday
I've been writing from coast—
We flew here last Friday to celebrate Barry's birthday
Saturday night, Marie threw him a surprise party
And much to everyone's delight, Barry was shocked!
Fun was had by all—
Gosh! It felt good to write that!
Thank goodness for fun! :)
Thank goodness for moments when
Problems are placed to one side in favor of
Truly honoring life!
Upon easing back into my reclining chair
I feel myself accepting my vulnerabilities with
A greater degree of balance than before, and
Once again, I surmise—So far so good …
Monday, February 3, 2014—Barry's birthday
I've been writing from coast—
We flew here last Friday to celebrate Barry's birthday
Saturday night, Marie threw him a surprise party
And much to everyone's delight, Barry was shocked!
Fun was had by all—
Gosh! It felt good to write that!
Thank goodness for fun! :)
Thank goodness for moments when
Problems are placed to one side in favor of
Truly honoring life!
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