September, 2013
With my internist's permission
I've been cutting the medication into fourths for several days
Though anxiety remains elevated
My muscles grow less painfully tense and my mind is
Thinking with a greater sense of clarity, day by day
As to my determination to achieve my goal—
That being to identify this nameless fear
Self motivation remains high for this reason:
I don't ever want to feel like this, again!
Several days have passed since
Barry has flown home to attend to his business meeting
Steven has been coming over with dinner, several times a week
Friends and neighbors, most especially Angie and Mark
Had stopped by to nourish our bodies with dinners
While nurturing our spirits by breaking bread with us …
At this point, we're hoping that
David can return to the coast by Friday, Oct. 4th
When our son says: If you need me to stay longer, no problem
Will and I appreciate his caring nature but hope to set him free …
Though he's not yet received word from the network about
Picking up the show, David has a friend, a producer, who
Is waiting for him to pen a script for a pilot that
She's asked him to write, and though
It may be a huge relief for our son to write comedy
In the aftermath of nursing his parents
I wonder how David will muster up his 'funny'
While the specter of his Dad's cancer is still
Stomping around in the still of the night …
If you wonder what makes me write such a thing
I'd reply:
On Thursday, October 3rd
David drives us to Dr. B's office
Upon leaving the good doctor holding the bag—
You'd think we three would leave his office
Celebrating the start of
The next stage of Will's recovery sans catheter, and
Actually, that would have been true except for
This detail:
Upon opening Will's chart, Dr B's facial expression
Turns serious, and as his head lifts to
Lock eyes with Will's, we listen to news that
Would sink the strong spirit of any cancer patient:
Will, your path report, following surgery
States that your margins are not clean.
(More about the discussion that ensued, later)
Though we leave the office dejected, at least
Will is catheter free for the first time in two weeks
And upon passing urine on his own
Everyone who loves this brave man offers a rousing cheer
Upon hearing that his need of the catheter has truly passed—
As for me, here's why I'm relieved for Will and myself:
I can't imagine how it felt to have that hose
Inserted up into his bladder for two weeks, and
In addition to reclaiming my side of our bed
I feel free to sit next to my husband while
We're watching T.V without
Fear of stepping on hose or bag …
As to the margins ... well, that's a whole different bag...
When Friday, October 4th dawns
David drives me to the internist, who
Sets me free of the drug that's been slowing
My adrenalin production, and as clarity replaces
Fear-based thought processing
One positive change leads to another
Will and I set David free to fly home, later in the day
That night while drifting into sleep on
My side of the bed, where
My leg is positioned less painfully
I hope to awaken on Saturday, October 5th
Undrugged and freed of anxiety spiking …
As it turns out, the drugging affect of the medication
Takes more than one day to subside, and by
Sunday, October 6th, I awaken to think:
I can't stand feeling this loopy and droopy
For one more day—then
Thankfully, by Monday, my head feels heavy but
My mind feels clear—
Suggesting that I'm on my way to feeling more like myself, whoever
That may be, and if you ask why I'd say such a thing I'd reply:
Fate offers each of us life changing experiences, and
Without a doubt, this is certainly a life changing experiences for me …
As my adrenalin/anxiety reflex (fight, flee or freeze) grows
Ever more calm, clarity bars fear from controlling my mind, and
Upon awakening on Tuesday, October 8th—
Two weeks after Will's surgery—
My conscious awareness is hovering on
The edge of dreamscape when …
The coveted detail slips through
The crack in my defensive wall—suggesting that after
Four weeks of excrutiating, mind bending labor
I have worked successfully to ready my whole self to
Set my conscious mind free of feeling confounded by
That which had proved to be
A subconscious mental block, and thus do I identify
This unnamed fear, at last …
With my internist's permission
I've been cutting the medication into fourths for several days
Though anxiety remains elevated
My muscles grow less painfully tense and my mind is
Thinking with a greater sense of clarity, day by day
As to my determination to achieve my goal—
That being to identify this nameless fear
Self motivation remains high for this reason:
I don't ever want to feel like this, again!
Several days have passed since
Barry has flown home to attend to his business meeting
Steven has been coming over with dinner, several times a week
Friends and neighbors, most especially Angie and Mark
Had stopped by to nourish our bodies with dinners
While nurturing our spirits by breaking bread with us …
At this point, we're hoping that
David can return to the coast by Friday, Oct. 4th
When our son says: If you need me to stay longer, no problem
Will and I appreciate his caring nature but hope to set him free …
Though he's not yet received word from the network about
Picking up the show, David has a friend, a producer, who
Is waiting for him to pen a script for a pilot that
She's asked him to write, and though
It may be a huge relief for our son to write comedy
In the aftermath of nursing his parents
I wonder how David will muster up his 'funny'
While the specter of his Dad's cancer is still
Stomping around in the still of the night …
If you wonder what makes me write such a thing
I'd reply:
On Thursday, October 3rd
David drives us to Dr. B's office
Upon leaving the good doctor holding the bag—
You'd think we three would leave his office
Celebrating the start of
The next stage of Will's recovery sans catheter, and
Actually, that would have been true except for
This detail:
Upon opening Will's chart, Dr B's facial expression
Turns serious, and as his head lifts to
Lock eyes with Will's, we listen to news that
Would sink the strong spirit of any cancer patient:
Will, your path report, following surgery
States that your margins are not clean.
(More about the discussion that ensued, later)
Though we leave the office dejected, at least
Will is catheter free for the first time in two weeks
And upon passing urine on his own
Everyone who loves this brave man offers a rousing cheer
Upon hearing that his need of the catheter has truly passed—
As for me, here's why I'm relieved for Will and myself:
I can't imagine how it felt to have that hose
Inserted up into his bladder for two weeks, and
In addition to reclaiming my side of our bed
I feel free to sit next to my husband while
We're watching T.V without
Fear of stepping on hose or bag …
As to the margins ... well, that's a whole different bag...
When Friday, October 4th dawns
David drives me to the internist, who
Sets me free of the drug that's been slowing
My adrenalin production, and as clarity replaces
Fear-based thought processing
One positive change leads to another
Will and I set David free to fly home, later in the day
That night while drifting into sleep on
My side of the bed, where
My leg is positioned less painfully
I hope to awaken on Saturday, October 5th
Undrugged and freed of anxiety spiking …
As it turns out, the drugging affect of the medication
Takes more than one day to subside, and by
Sunday, October 6th, I awaken to think:
I can't stand feeling this loopy and droopy
For one more day—then
Thankfully, by Monday, my head feels heavy but
My mind feels clear—
Suggesting that I'm on my way to feeling more like myself, whoever
That may be, and if you ask why I'd say such a thing I'd reply:
Fate offers each of us life changing experiences, and
Without a doubt, this is certainly a life changing experiences for me …
As my adrenalin/anxiety reflex (fight, flee or freeze) grows
Ever more calm, clarity bars fear from controlling my mind, and
Upon awakening on Tuesday, October 8th—
Two weeks after Will's surgery—
My conscious awareness is hovering on
The edge of dreamscape when …
The coveted detail slips through
The crack in my defensive wall—suggesting that after
Four weeks of excrutiating, mind bending labor
I have worked successfully to ready my whole self to
Set my conscious mind free of feeling confounded by
That which had proved to be
A subconscious mental block, and thus do I identify
This unnamed fear, at last …
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