As soon as I'd sensed which guy in my new class was the Leader of the Pack and which seemed like a ‘nice’ bright boy, I had no doubt which one was meant for me. Not the one whose hair was parted ‘straight on the right’ but rather the one whose blond locks were slicked back and styled with swagger, like Elvis—whose blatant sensuality had swept the female population off its feet by ripping society’s modest constraints away.
From sea to shining sea, the weaker (?) sex was screaming and swooning despite the fact that Ed Sullivan’s T.V. cameras refused to show Elvis’ smokin' hips gyrating up and back during The King’s first, electrifying, nationwide performance. (Whoa—I need to catch my breath!)
By the way, at ten, eleven, twelve years of age, naïve, prepubescent, little me never caught a whiff of smolder in Elvis’s act. In fact, the first time I saw The King of Rock sing, strum and swivel suggestively, I burst out laughing and called my parents into the den, because this guy looked so silly, I figured him to be an up and coming comedian—and—that’s the truth!
Sometime later that year—I watched a new friend (one of the first in our class to fill out her sweater) close her eyes while swaying in a trancelike state to the slow seductive beat of Love Me Tender. And what did I think? I thought she was weird—so unaware was I of sensuality standing before me.
There’s no doubt about it—when it came to any hint of sexuality, I was on the outside (of a smoke screen) looking in. On the other hand, when it came to The Leader of the Pack, I didn’t think, at all. All I did was feel—because—
All Mr. Cool had to do to plug me into a tremulous trance was—walk into the room. For some strange reason, I never equated my autonomic reaction to Joseph with my friend’s reaction to Elvis. When it came to animal attraction—I didn't relate my instincts with animals, because I was—a 'people'.
With time spent in reflection, this is what I've come to understand: Any brain that's related to the animal kingdom calls upon a sixth sense, which draws us toward certain awarenesses while locking out others. And just as I was innocent of understanding the nature of animal magnetism, which had drawn my spirit toward Joseph's on my first day at my new school, I was unaware of basic instincts, associated with 'dark side' of human nature. And thus was I as carefree as a lark until lightening struck this bird in flight.
If that’s the bad news, then let’s check out the good: I was a high-spirited child with a healthy sense of social self confidence during my first ten years. And as we ride, back and forth, across the timeline of my life, you'll watch this cock-eyed optimist's sense of wholeness fight to escape from subconscious fear, repeatedly. You see, the fact that I am a human being offers me this advantage over the lower animal kingdom: In addition to depending upon basic survival instincts (fight, flee, freeze), I can also rely upon my Neo cortex to multi task in this way: My think tank can soak in a wealth of knowledge, gather lost puzzle pieces, and work at re-organizing the whole kit-and-kaboodle until my active, thought-processor is operating 'up to snuff'. (whatever that means?)
Once I grow up and consciously seek out problem-solving information, you'll witness my Neo cortex formulate creative ideas, which will strengthen my sense of well being. And thus will my spirit's sense of vim, vigor, vitality, and FUN be restored, each time some aspect of life storms down on my parade.
In addition to relying upon my trusty think tank to take a licking and go on ticking, I'll not forget my good fortune at being raised by a pair of lively parents who'd injected their strong sense of family values into the pathways of my mind. So in addition to unconsciously acquiring my primary role models’ habits, my mind consciously collected an album of snapshots, highlighting the importance of love, friendship, adventure, fun, good health, emotional support, and—education—which took place in schools that provided children with well-funded environments in which to learn.
I was young when the imagination of a child had time to develop, by playing the day away. Rather than being carpooled from one structured 'practice' to another, I'd breathed in lots of freedom, along with sunshine and fresh air, while riding my bike toward wherever I’d chosen to play. And so after school and on weekends, my mind soaked in playful attitudes; my spirit absorbed imaginative play; and in order to enjoy healthy activities, my body was energized by home cooked meals, which I'd most certainly enjoyed. Bottom line, if the combination of home and school make up the most significant aspects of a child’s life, then reflection suggests that, bullied or not, when I looked into my mirror, the eyes that stared back belonged to one of the luckiest kids I'd ever met.
Another spot of good fortune points to the fact that I’d no clue of having been too round until after we’d moved. However, the lump sum of all of those positively focused facts doth not trump two facts that I've saved for last: Life and love are unpredictable. Why? Because both over flow with conflict.
If life and love are unpredictable and filled with conflict, then people of all ages would be wise to make adjustments. And adjustments made during times of conflict call for astute problem solving skills all around.
Therefore:
The earlier we soak up information, concerning the *Power of Potentiality within the Neo cortex, the better. (On the other hand, better late than never!)
If the Neo cortex serves as a storehouse for experiences, knowledge, and insights (born of heightened self-awareness) then the earlier we soak up listening, speaking, and problem solving skills the better equipped we’ll be to adjust our attitudes to accepting this element of unpredictability. *By the way, as problem-solving skills soak into our minds, self confidence encourages success, and our need for defensive mechanisms, like denial, drugs and alcohol, are likely to lessen.
As you may remember, self confidence had been my strong suit until my self image had been wounded by bullying. So upon being introduced to my new classmates, I'd no reason to fear that these kids might not choose to pair up with me.
As it's always been my nature to throw my whole self into every aspect of life, I don’t dive into anything half way. And that included seconds at dinner, ice cream, cookies, good humor—in fact, I was probably outside with money in hand all ready to trade cash for chocolate coated treasures before the bell on the Good Humor truck rang its way down our street. No one ever had to say, "Annie, children in Europe are starving—clean your plate".
When growth spurts became apparent, some kids shot up while changes within others remained stuck in a rut, for a much longer time. Some grew too tall—till others caught up. Thank goodness those who were 'too' busty, too early, were girls, while those, too hairy, were not. In short, those early birds caught as much you-know- what as had I.
After my rough patch on that bus, my awareness, concerning growth spurts got stuck, and all I could see was the fact that skirts and shorts were looking much better on certain girls than when my reflection stared back at me.
So nothing in this world could make me believe that animal attraction might draw Joseph toward me. However, while making sense of nonsense, today, it's highly possible that during those months when we’d walked our dogs down one alley and up the next, I may have been blind to a growth spurt of my own … In truth, I can't see my way clear to stating that possibility as a fact, because for most of my life, my brain needed glasses, other than those dark lenses with which I'd peered at myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment