What can I say other than ... Yup ... upon awakening, today, feeling compelled to reread Friday's post, half baked trains of thought were spied (Grrrr) and newly emergent strings of insight were added ... in fact, I find myself drawn to simplify complex trains of thought in that post so frequently that my conscious awareness has been stirred to wonder whether intuitive thought has been busily interweaving (and then simplifying) the most important string of insights that I've ever penned, thus far ...
Memo from intuitive thought to conscious self: Repetition is not redundant while conscious awareness continues to deepen absorptive retention of each insight-laden lesson, which flows out of the most knowledgable portion of my brain on trains of thought that will slow the speed with which future eruptions of subconscious fear will run interference with my intelligent sense of positively focused, solution-seeking sense of logic, and here is why that's so important: Reflection suggests that episodes of PTSD have sacked my sense of clarity as quickly as lightening strikes a person unconscious, so with that slice of knowledge in hand, I charge my power of intuition to tap into my Line of Control as soon as the first hint of confusion suggests that a subconscious fear may be on the verge of high jacking my sense of clarity.
If you ask what makes my intelligence believe that my intuitive sense of self awareness has grown so hyper vigilant as to steer my think tank away from experiencing future episodes of PTSD, which would otherwise drown my high-spirited sense of happiness in the swirling rapids of inexplicable confusion for weeks, I'd reply: Life is short, and as much of my life has already been spent, that fact strengthens my resolve to consciously tame my defense system's natural reactiveness each time a sudden eruption of subconscious fear threatens to capsize my sense of clarity's hold onto reality so quickly that my think tank feels sucked down into that black hole of despair where the traumatized portion of my brain spins my self assessment into such a dizzied distortion of the adult, whom I've grown up to be, that I can't for the life of me stop my sanity from slip-sliding half way into madness. And if you ask how I plan to mastermind that mental feat, I'd reply: Please tune in tomorrow, when I'll describe a recent moment in time when my need to tame a sudden eruption of inexplicable anxiety, which had seemed to make no sense, proved 100% successful. So, when next we meet, I plan to pen a moment in time when hyper-vigilant self-awareness saved my sense of clarity from drowning in that sudden spike of mind-swirling anxiety before confusion could rise so high as to sweep my hold onto reality into another set of rapids that would have discombobulated my think tank until such time as my intelligence, which had felt knocked for a loop, had calmed down enough to reconnect with my storehouse of knowledge, whereby the sum of my smarts would hunker down toward understanding which fear, long buried in subconscious memory, had triggered that sudden strike of anxious stress-producing confusion, which, in turn, triggered my heightened sense of self awareness to call forth my well-practiced Line of Control, and thus did a sudden strike of PTSD fail to high jack my sense of clarity for more than a few seconds, and as you can imagine, no other goal that I've worked to achieve has ever made me feel as self empowered as had been true when my quest toward self discovery served to strengthen my connection to self awareness to the point of watching my most recent learning curve take a leap of faith toward successfully rescuing the traumatized portion of a good little girl's brain from being sucked into another lengthy, deeply confounded episode of undeserved guilt!
If today's post has roused your curiosity at least enough to request just one hint as to how my heightened sense of self-awareness managed to pause that sudden eruption of PTSD on the spot, I'd reply: Straight through this morning, I've worked, conscientiously, to simplify each string of insights in Friday's post, which now speak so clearly to me as to flow ever more meaningfully from my think tank into your thought processor, suggesting why I sincerely hope that you'll review Friday's post, one last time, because that's where the hint you seek can be found ... And with that request simply stated, tis time to switch tracks from posting to rising in readiness to greet a brand new, sunny day before the contractor, who is due to arrive, shortly, rings my bell, alerting me to open the door with a welcoming smile as if to say: I truly appreciate your expertise in repairing the worn areas of my home, so that every nook and cranny will be as well structured as when we'd first moved in—I guess you could say that this licensed and bonded contractor repairs homes in similar fashion to the way that EMDR therapy encourages the traumatized portions of my brain (which have been in serious need of repair) to restructure my self assessment until the sum of my parts feels ... wholesomely, spiritually and healthily 'good' as new ...
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