1373HHH DOUBLE OY Vay!

What did you expect?
That, just like magic, I'd recover from
This stage of PTSD, overnight?
Well, with respect for your process, please think again ...
For this reason:  We need to work to tie up
At least one loose end, because my conscious mind still feels
Exceptionally resistant to reawakening pain from which
I'd utterly disassociated each time the pedofile managed to
Clutch a sweet little girl, who had silenced her ability to
Call out for help, within his predatory grasp ...
Upon awakening this morning at 4am (Hmmm
Perhaps another pattern is appearing before our very eyes—
Suggesting that 4am may have been the hour when
The child I once was had awakened, night after night
Itching furiously to get out of my skin)
I felt as if my host of inner strengths were banding
Together, causing my frontal lobe to swell with a pulsing sense of
Readiness to crack open the next layer of defensiveness in
My wall of denial, exposing details of assault so frightening as
To have been blocked from my conscious memory u til
The sum of my adult inner strengths felt need to cleanse
My brain of every festering terror, which has remained
Subconsciously buried within a sealed, yet unhealed
State, deep inside my disassociated frame of mind; on
The other hand I'm still tired from working so hard to
Identify and exhume the polarizing pattern that had
Escaped conscious detection until earlier in the week, so
My intuition is signaling today's train of thought to
Heed my conscious, strong sense of reluctance to
Work at cracking through this next layer of denial until
My work wearied brain has had suffice time to
Relax from mental tension that accompanies
The exposture of deeply buried subconscious pain
So, hopefully, as intuitive thought switches tracks from
Coaching my inner sleuth from chugging forward
In favor of coaxing my defense system to shower
My current sense of awareness with mercy by offering
My wearied brain additional down time to relax in
A state of peaceful repose where I can enjoy
Smelling the roses, which are my just reward for
What feels like my having completed yet another portion of
A tough job, well done, suggesting why today's
Intuitive need to direct my mind to master impatience
In favor of hesitating from growing so restless as to
Release a renewed sense of readiness that would have
Inspired my conscious mind to muster the courage to
Drive my host of inner strengths toward rising up in
Hopes of adjusting my focus away from resting toward
Openly confronting memories of that predator
(who, though dead for many years, continues to
Haunt my conscious sense of well being by stirring up
Subconscious fear at times when I'd least expect
An eruption of yesteryear s terror to sabatoge
My personal sense of enjoyment, today) prematurely ...
BTW, upon awakening at 4am with
A compelling need to write
Twas not this post that teased my mind ... Sigh ...
Twas my intuitive need to add insight to post 1373H ... Again!
I know!  I know!  But what was I to do when additional
Strings of insight, offering to bolster my
Inner strengths (which I'll need to depend on
As the next leg of my adventure into
This fourth stage of life gets underway) insist upon
Making themselves as clear to my conscious awareness as
Raindrops on window panes!  I mean, doesn't
Common sense suggest that by this late stage
In life, I owe it to myself to see my strengths with
Such an exquisite sense of clarity as to view
The adult, whom I've grown up to be, as I really am?
Each time another string of insights pops out of
My subconscious (as if I'm stringing together
Chains of poppin' fresh popcorn), my
Conscious awareness grows ever more capable of
Absorbing intuitive trains of thought, based in
The emergence of deeper truths, which enhance my
Awareness of how often universal wisdom directs
The sum of my character traits to pay
Astute attention to knowledge that I need to
Absorb more fully than ever before if
My current ability to call upon
Self empowerment is to strengthen my p
Think tank in ways that I could not possibly
Fathom until my brain welcomed
Multiple opportunities to sleep on
Strungs of insight that continue to process
More deeply, and thus do I actually work to
Expand closed mindsets, 24/7, night
After night, so that upon awakening at
The dawning of each brand new day
Accumulative strings of insight
Challenge me to draw draw forth
Intuitive trains of thought that had been
Impossible for my conscious awareness to
Fathom only the day before ...
So, each time a new string of  insights
Calls my name out loud at 4am, pretty much
Nothing can deter my passion away from
My burning need to write (or edit), unless
Mental weariness outweighs my need to examine
My inner life until such time as
My energy tank feels fully refueled, and my
Spirit feels utterly stoked ... And though I'm
Getting there, that's not the case, As of yet
And having clarified that conscious
Change for the better, that's all my tired mind
Feels need to say, today ...