Two weeks ago, while on the phone, I heard a flatness in David's
Tone of voice, prompting my suggestion to fly out to be with him
I remember saying: twice my nerve pain was so intense that
I could barely walk (each time for a year), but I got through
Those terribly painful times, when I felt so dependent, because
Dad came home, every night, and Angie stopped by, almost
Daily, after work ... Their emotional support offered
My wearied spirit a much needed lift, day after day ...
You've been handling the unrelenting nature of your pain
Every day, on your own for six months ...
Though David's voice was flat, his attitude remained connected to
Positive focus when he replied: I'm feeling a bit of improvement, and
I have plans in place with several friends, over these
Next few days, and I can leave my apartment and drive so
Really Mom, I appreciate your concern but
I'm doing okay ... So though I remained tuned into
The flatness of his tone when we'd talk (every few days)
I knew to follow my son's lead, and I worked at
Relaxing my urge to fly to his side until the phone
Rang, last week, when David, waving the white flag
Surrendered his strong hearted spirit to
Succumbing to exhausted defeat, called to say:
The pain has increased, I need you and Dad to come
Hearing that, we flew to the coast the next day ...
The fact that I've recently made such headway during recent sessions of EMDR as to have gained insight into empowering my conscious awareness to nip sudden episodes of PTSD in the bud before the emergence of an unidentified subconscious fear creates such a heightened degree of mental tension as to usurp control over my think tank, causing my spirit strength of spirit to collapse ... offered my intuition reason to hope that with patience and an astute sense of caution, I might be able to (coach) coax David's subconscious to reveal an unidentified fear to his conscious awareness, too ...
And if I was on target, perhaps, by making good use of the concept 'two heads, working toward regaining positive focus, can prove better than one' we could redirect David's mind away from imminent disaster, toward his recovering from intense nerve pain, which was proving to be 'two steps forward, one back' ... And speaking from personal experience, any long-lasting, profoundly painful recovery, whether it be psychological or physical in nature, proves exceptionally maddening ...
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