2002
... Think about it, Mom, isn’t it in your best interest and mine to name and tame personal traits that cause us to self-defeat?”
Being on a roll, I have no clue if Mom is about to respond, because my train of thought chugs straight ahead with … *"I’m writing about recognizing our egos’ false sense of pride, so we can set it aside, embrace humility and listen to the voice of wisdom when it whispers, by way of instinct, into our ear. *Thank goodness we have two ears, so while one opens to nonsense, the other can welcome wisdom, which proves timeless, universal and thus, classic. *Inner conflict occurs when wisdom and nonsense tussle back and forth inside our minds. And if nonsense tends to win until insight into self awareness hits, well—that's life. I'm deeply thankful for those times when insight shines a spotlight on a forgotten detail that highlights a perception in need of reconsideration. Upon reflection, I'm able to spot insecurities, which produce hot spots of vulnerability. Once vulnerabilities clarity, I can transform them into strengths."
"Annie, that sounds like a lot of work!"
"It is work, Mom. It's my work. My chosen work. I'm utterly fascinated by the workings of our brains. And you know what 'they' say: if you love your work, you'll never work a day in your life. Will is fascinated with sports. His mind soaks in more facts about sports than anyone I know, while I absorb insights, concerning our brains."åç
"But, why? When did all of this become so important to you?"
"I'm not sure, Mom. Maybe it started when I began to learn the effectiveness of logical consequences instead of fighting with my kids. That's when my interest in power struggles and conflict resolution sunk in deep. Now that I think about it, while consciously training their brains to channel logical thoughts, I must have begun to unconsciously retrain my own—because—one thing leads to another."
After swinging and musing quietly for a bit, my train of thought approaches this station ...
*At this point I have time to consciously retrain my mind to be attentive when wisdom-through-the-ages signals my instincts to quest for insight, which, hopefully, will sweeten my spirit and nourish my mind with productivity as I age. If I hold myself accountable for enriching my life while extending help to others then my mind will remained focused on expanding in self respectful ways rather than allowing myself to shrink, unknowingly, into a wizened, disillusioned, narrow minded, old person, who, feeling alone, forgotten and unappreciated, becomes, privately, more and more depressed. I figure it this way; if I've trained my mind to accept constant physical pain, I can train it to accept old age, as well. I remember, once, when Dad and I were talking about his depression in terms of everything he could no longer do. I remember Dad saying I'd find out what that felt like, one day. I remember replying, I already know how it feels to become more and more limited in what I can do—and if attitude is everything, then I've decided to age with a positive attitude, like Mom's. At that, Dad smiled and said, 'Sounds like a good idea, Annie. More power to you if you can do it.'"
After thinking for a bit, Mom responds, "I know exactly what you mean, Annie. A positive attitude is important. That's why I don't like to spend time with people my age. They're such old biddies."
"It's really great that you're so young at heart, Mom. On the other hand, everyone doesn't turn into an 'old biddy'. In every group I've ever joined at least one or two people connect with me mindfully, intimately ... as though we're kindred spirits, who've known each other, forever. And in thinking along those lines, the same is true for Will and each of our kids. Wouldn't you say that was true for you, too?"
"Oh, they're all old ninnies, Annie."
Not to be deterred, my roll resumes: "Well—I’m writing about seeking insight into relationships, which are strengthened by good humor, trust and mutual respect. When two minds connect, instinctively, in trusting and respectful ways, conflict resolution formulates decisions, based in common sense. In the presence of power struggles, trust disappears, and in the absence of trust, relationships with lovers, husbands, wives, parents, children, siblings, friends, colleagues, and—most especially—with ourselves—are bound to grow emotionally hot. Power struggles, which remain unidentified and thus unresolved, can be shoved under the rug for only so long."
After thinking for a bit, Mom responds, "I know exactly what you mean, Annie. A positive attitude is important. That's why I don't like to spend time with people my age. They're such old biddies."
"It's really great that you're so young at heart, Mom. On the other hand, everyone doesn't turn into an 'old biddy'. In every group I've ever joined at least one or two people connect with me mindfully, intimately ... as though we're kindred spirits, who've known each other, forever. And in thinking along those lines, the same is true for Will and each of our kids. Wouldn't you say that was true for you, too?"
"Oh, they're all old ninnies, Annie."
Not to be deterred, my roll resumes: "Well—I’m writing about seeking insight into relationships, which are strengthened by good humor, trust and mutual respect. When two minds connect, instinctively, in trusting and respectful ways, conflict resolution formulates decisions, based in common sense. In the presence of power struggles, trust disappears, and in the absence of trust, relationships with lovers, husbands, wives, parents, children, siblings, friends, colleagues, and—most especially—with ourselves—are bound to grow emotionally hot. Power struggles, which remain unidentified and thus unresolved, can be shoved under the rug for only so long."
“OK, Annie. I get it.” At this, I sense my mother's brain is in need of a break, but my on button is stuck and my off button is no where to be found, so I smile and add:
“Mom, just one more thing ... I know you’re concerned about how I’ll portray Grandma, so, rest assured …"
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