[Opps—upon back tracking, I see that post 427 jumped straight to 429 ... so please excuse my error and consider this two posts for the price of one :-) ]
Though I always want to get on with the story
Guess what interferes?
My life, as it plays out from day to day
If you ask:
What do I mean by life running interference?
I'd say:
When life is grand, I share my joy, openly
When life sucks, I share despair, as well
Why? Because both sides of emotion's spectrum exist
In short, whatever I feel most deeply
Determines that which needs to be 'expressed'
Day by day
And if you ask:
Why don't you reveal details
Of what ever is taking place in your life, today?
I'd say:
I don't want to get so far ahead of my story
That clarity, in terms of you're getting to know me ...
As I've come to know myself ... fogs up
So, though I want to move my story line
Forward—every day—I don't press myself to do so
When my emotion-of-the-moment wields more power
Than my sense of logic which suggests that—
You may grow impatient and lose interest
If my story doesn't hurry along
And if that happens—then—
I'll have to accept that, because
My sense of clarity suggests
That both sides of what I feel the need to say
Have merit for this reason:
I'm not just writing a story for your entertainment or mine
My main purpose in writing this blog
Is to quest toward insight into deep truths
Which inspire me to recognize and express repressed emotion
In a well-balanced and thus logical way ...
More readily TODAY
Than I was able to do, yesterday
And each time a repressed emotion is identified
I come to know myself more deeply than before
Oh—by the way ...
Here's why you'll not 'hear' me 'say'
I never feel defensive:
It's natural to feel defensive
When feeling misjudged by others...
And knowing that people misjudge each other
All too often ...
I've made it my business—literally
To educate myself about many aspects of defensiveness
For this reason:
If the brain is the last frontier
And if my brain makes my decisions
Then it makes sense to adventure into my brain
In hopes of carving new channels of thought
Which will point me toward reaching my potential
In terms of achieving personal goals
Without putting anyone else down
And with that positively focused goal in mind
The teacher-in-me shows you
How I work at carving
New channels of thought into my mind—
Day by day, one step at a time—in this way:
Step one—Open my mind
To welcome knowledge concerning defense mechanisms
Step two—Learn to identify
A wide range of defense mechanisms
Step three—Consciously recognize
My defense mechanisms as they emerge
Step four—Acknowledge the fact that ...
When I fear myself in harm's way
My defense mechanisms are preprogrammed
To spontaneously erupt
Step five—Take time to think and clarify whether whatever I fear
Is actually standing before me or seems to be standing before me
In short, I remind myself to consider (and thus clarify)
Whether a subconscious fear is erupting from the past
Or a real and present danger is staring me in the face
And breathing down my neck, today
Step six—Remember that subconscious fear and reality
Are not necessarily one and the same ...
Step seven—Remember that clarity and reality are one and the same
If asked why I choose to practice steps one through seven
Here is what I'd say:
When I look back, I do not want to realize, regretfully,
That love walked toward me with a trusting smile ...
Offering an olive branch of peace, emotional support and good will ...
But I'd turned away in fear of deja vu ... or
I'd unknowingly pushed love away with displaced anger ... or
I'd blindly smothered love to death with insecurity
On the other hand—I've come to differentiate between
A bramble branch, which sees itself as an olive branch
But sticks me, painfully, whenever I draw close ...
In short:
As I work to identify, recognize and control
My natural defense mechanisms
I can see myself and others with a greater sense of clarity
And as clarity deepens, I gain insight into
Those who have earned my trust
And those who speak with forked tongue
And each time this seven step plan
Imprints more deeply into my mind
Clarity offers me opportunities
To feel more realistic, less defensive, as the future unfolds
So, please know this in terms of what I choose to post:
When I write about re-directing my mind
Something, which pushes my buttons ...
Has turned my defense system, spontaneously, ON ...
And thus will my post reflect my mind working to discern
Whether deja vu is needling me
Or a near and present danger
Is actually disturbing my sense of inner peace
And in order to help me figure out
Which is which
There will be times when I need to review insights
Which are worth repeating for this reason:
RR&R
Repetition is not redundant when the goal is retention
Having clarified why my story tends to move slowly
It's my hope that by tomorrow:
The next part of the story will appear on your screen
However if that's not to be
Please be patient while I'm still working
To re-channel a negative attitude
That popped out of my mind
By detecting an insight into a deeper truth
Which will brighten this dark spot in my mind
And once that dark spot 'sees the light'
Which allows me to redirect a negatively focused thought
Toward a positive channel where inner peace
Waits to ease my mind ... again
My story will move forward, again
And—as that's the truth ... Nuf'said for today
Your friend,
JAnnie
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