420 STILL COMING CLEAN ...

Darn!
My brain fooled me, again
How do I know?
Another tear just slid down my cheek

Yet
Another tear
Suggests that I'm still in denial
Of depths of emotion seeping ... in need of release

Wow!
My level of self control
Must be layers thicker
Than even I could tell

You see
Each tear signals this truth:
I'm not done fooling myself ...
About the depths of my sadness—yet ...

Why
Not?
My defense system is a tricky little devil
How'bout yours?

Time to fess up ... or not
As always—it's a matter of choice:
Face up to a painful reality or
Deny, deny, deny and finger someone to blame for our pain ...

As
For me, I know there's nothing to be gained
By making a villain out of person
Who's as vulnerable as me

More
Concerning insight into denial, blame, clarity, deeper truth, and reality
Leading toward peace of mind to come
As for now ...

My
Friend says retail therapy
Is what her 'spin doctor' orders
And as I feel too dispirited to argue

And ...
As she's about to pull up
And toot her horn
I'll 'take my 'medicine'

Like
The good girl
I am
Sigh ...

Why?
Because in truth
It's worth the extra effort to go out and have some fun
Rather than staying home, wallowing in layers of emotion ...

Which ...
Proving to run deeper than we know ...
Will emerge—one way or another
In its own good time ... unless

Pretense
Continues to suppress that which we fear
Behind the mask of false pride
Which we've no clue of wearing

Though
Mother Nature compresses emotion within the subconscious
Anesthetized emotion, tucked unknowingly away
Finds countless ways of escaping from the maze within our minds

Knowing
This to be true, I believe tis a far better attitude
To work toward unmasking denial
And go toe to toe with reality ...

Than
To harbor pretense, which suggests that:
Under-the-skin itchiness
Sleeplessness, lack of appetite, over eating, energy loss ...

Hath
Naught to do
With layers of repressed emotion
Begging for release

On
The upside
Today, my angst feels like angst
Not lice

And
It's reassuring to know that insight into defense mechanisms
Has helped me to differentiate between
Emotional lice and denial, itching to be resolved

Since
I know that denial signals fear
Of facing up to
Whatever we don't want to know

I
Experienced a sense of relief
When a similar experience came to mind
Which had caused me great pain in the past

And
As I begin to release
Deeper layers of sadness
Which have finally exposed themselves to me

My
Thought processor
Is consciously separating yesteryear's sadness
From today's

Thus
I'll look forward
To my mind growing ever more peaceful
Until such time as ...

Fate
Knocks at my door
And offers me sound reason to experience growing pains
In terms of deepening my sense of self awareness, again

You
See ...
Like it or not—my friends
That's life...

Annie

Whoops!
Almost forgot to mention ...
Had another good hair day
And found a great pair of shoes!