As soon as the bus driver opens the door, I dash quick as a flash from the curb to my front stoop where I unlock the door and slam it behind me. Then, leaning against my strong shield of family life, which shelters me from the outside world, I shut my eyes to trauma and sigh with relief.
If you're wondering whether I sang out in testimony to denial: Hi Mom! I'm home! What's for dinner? I'm starved?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What I can tell you is this: I'd no clue that my ego had suffered a heart attack until I found myself short of breath while trying to write BULLY FOR ME in this blog.
In hindsight, I could not force my ego to get naked with fully clothed strangers until the self assured side of my brain accepted the sum of my parts as a whole. And having worked day by day to peel layer after layer of armor away, I've garnered the strength to bare a wound too raw to bear until now.
Whew! Peeling denial's layers away is tough work, but worth the effort because:
The only person who can strip away my defensive layers, one by one and coax my subconscious to reveal secret fears—to me, is me.
So having laid soothing hands of compassion upon my battered ego's head, have I managed to rewire this short circuit inside my mind? Time will tell.
What I can say for certain is this: Upon awakening each day, every fiber within me is drawn to the computer—so hot am I to explore whatever spills readily out of my mind. And as each train of thought must be compressed into a post rather than a chapter, it's no wonder that patience is considered a virtue. In truth, the path of virtue is often a trial to walk. And anyone who knows me will tell you that editing is not my forte. :-)
As for now ... BULLY FOR ME is not quite finis ...
If you're wondering whether I sang out in testimony to denial: Hi Mom! I'm home! What's for dinner? I'm starved?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What I can tell you is this: I'd no clue that my ego had suffered a heart attack until I found myself short of breath while trying to write BULLY FOR ME in this blog.
In hindsight, I could not force my ego to get naked with fully clothed strangers until the self assured side of my brain accepted the sum of my parts as a whole. And having worked day by day to peel layer after layer of armor away, I've garnered the strength to bare a wound too raw to bear until now.
Whew! Peeling denial's layers away is tough work, but worth the effort because:
The only person who can strip away my defensive layers, one by one and coax my subconscious to reveal secret fears—to me, is me.
So having laid soothing hands of compassion upon my battered ego's head, have I managed to rewire this short circuit inside my mind? Time will tell.
What I can say for certain is this: Upon awakening each day, every fiber within me is drawn to the computer—so hot am I to explore whatever spills readily out of my mind. And as each train of thought must be compressed into a post rather than a chapter, it's no wonder that patience is considered a virtue. In truth, the path of virtue is often a trial to walk. And anyone who knows me will tell you that editing is not my forte. :-)
As for now ... BULLY FOR ME is not quite finis ...
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