Saturday, December 8, 2018

FEELING GRATEFUL FOR BEING LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY

How does feeling grateful for unconditional love differ from feeling worthy of unconditional love?

Whereas feelinggrateful’ suggests that I have more work to do so as to feel worthy of receiving love when my vulnerabilities are fully exposed, feeling worthy of receiving love, warts and all, indicates a well balanced sense of wholeness, which humbly accepts those times when personal vulnerabilities undermine my inner strengths until my power of intuition processes my need to consciously place subconscious attitudes of negatively focused self judgements in time out until such time as my spirit has fully re-energized so as to regain a heightened level of self esteem, which, otherwise, has a tendency to slide downhill so as to bury my smarts under yesteryear’s avalanche of emotional sludge.

And having recently experienced this downhill slide (no sight of snow in the forecast, smoothing my sled’s rocky ride into a gleeful glide), my intelligence is charged with reminding me of how readily exhaustion ensnares the conscious portion of my think tank to feel entangled within the unhealed, fear based portion of my subconscious, which releases a ghostlike presence of unidentified emotional distress that arises from out of the distant past to haunt my current sense of self worth with feelings of unworthiness, which make no sense when my intelligence considers the good natured person I’ve become, beginning at the age of three when tragedy swerved my processor’s self confident development away from the natural path of emotional security toward feeling caught up within a swirling web of self conscious insecurity that proved so confounding as to have led my conscious awareness to experience the dizzying nature of unnamed emotional duress, which has daunted my think tank’s sense of clarity, time and again, as has been true over these past several days; however, now that the main root of my foggy sense of  emotional dizziness has been clarified by way of today’s intuitive string of insights, which, upon emerging as though all on their own, served to enlighten the conscious portion of my processor as to why my anxious reaction to any celebration of my life had always felt muddied by inner conflict, I’d like to do what everyone who loves me, unconditionally, has been doing throughout the day—I’d like to wish myself a very happy and healthy 75th birthday—with many more to come!

PS
Though my spirit always feels 100% gleeful while busily creating an abundance of birthday surprises for everyone I love, I’ve never understood why anxiety attacks my spirit’s naturally relaxed sense of personal well-being whenever the spotlight’s focus singles me out on my special day—until just now—you see, over these past few days, my third birthday party has flitted in and out of a foggy portion of my mind, and once that particular memory emerged, so did the insight that my intuitive powers have been struggling to ignite so as to enlighten my conscious mind with sound reason to lighten the burdensome weight of undeserved guilt that has been deflating my spirit, unnecessarily, whenever it’s my turn to bask in the spotlight of love, sporting a megawatt smile:  The first birthday party in my honor that I remember celebrating took place two weeks after my baby sister Janet’s unexpected death, which left everyone in my extended family wracked with pain, wringing their hands in tormented shock, feeling devastated to the max, suggesting that the party, made in celebration of love for me (as seen in one of many photo albums, documenting the years of our lives) had offered my three year old processor reason to feel that my birthday celebration was an intrusion during a time of horrific grief rather than seeing myself as the worthy recipient of my beloved family’s unconditional love, and having come to see that my life sentence in purgatory was self inflicted at the tender age of three, tis high time for my intelligence to pardon that deeply confounded, self condemning, sweet little girl of a crime that no one had ever declared her guilty of committing except for me—

Hhmmm ... now that my brain’s heavy sense of fogginess is clearing the way for my spirit to lift above subconscious emotional sludge, all I have left to say for right now is
Thank god the intuitive portion of my brain guided my conscious awareness to blog—Whew!

And as David, who flew in to surprise me, last night, just left to pick up Ravi, that’s a wrap for today!

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