Heading back to the desert after enjoying
A week with family and friends, who
Call sunny southern California home, and
Having spent this portion of the holiday season
Feeling gratified to have been guided by
Intuition to develop a well balanced attitude concerning
How best to fill my cup to the brim most especially when
My spirit springs a leak, draining my energy level to
Hover close to empty, I give thanks to the therapist whose
Sixth sense had inspired mine to seek out a colleague who
Having been well trained in EMDR therapy has been
Guiding the healthy portion of my brain to thoroughly liberate
A traumatized little girl, who resides within my memory, of
A vow that proved so unrealistic as to condemn me to feel
A vague sense of failure no matter how often I’d sucessfully
Achieved a series of heartfelt, long range goals, one following
Another like ducklings, all in a row
Once I’d vowed to be the best little girl in the whole wide world
The repressed nature of that unrealistic promissory note
Translated into my following authority’s lead, no questions asked
No fussing allowed, and as years passed in which the self-assertive
Portion of my voice had remained subconsciously subdued behind
My defense system’s wall of denial, common sense suggests that
All conscious awareness had need to dive ever more deeply into
A mental state of disassociation from reality whenever
A sweet little girl, who’d proved far too good for her own good
Had felt compelled to comply (anxiously but complacently) with
The commands of a pedophile, who, having won my trust, had
Taken advantage of my inexperienced vulnerabilities, thus
Compounding my think tank’s deeply confounded sense of
Inner conflict, which was based in this fact: The conscious portion of
My brain had absorbed no clue whatsoever of The Catch 22, which had
Clearly caused my body to itch with inner need to free its
Tormented self from being physically assaulted, repeatedly, most
Especially since the conscious portion of my mind had most certainly
Absorbed Grandma’s message, stating:
‘Men only want one sinful thing’ (which God forbids Good girls to do)
And though my conscious awareness had no clue whatsoever of
Those times when my processor fell under my defense system’s
Self protective hypnotic sleeping spell, I’d felt compelled to
Submit to the pedophile’s demands as though they were
God’s commands while my subconscious (which riddled my
Body with anxious floods of deeply daunted undeserved guilt)
Most certainly felt, without a doubt, that my complacent
Participation was Bad—in fact, as BAD as BAD could be—
But rather than being BAD of me, intuitive insight riding
Out of my dark side upon a sudden streak of deeper truth
Suggests, having choked on, thus severing the self assertive
Portion of my voice from summoning help at the age of four)
My comatose state of partipation proved BAD for my
My soul’s spirit and mental health, absolving me as being
Innocent of sin so as to freely point the finger of guilt soley at
The sickened mind of the pedophile, liberating the small child
Who resides in my memory from feeling too BAD to
Feel worthy of love whenever the reality of
A human vulnerability, filtering through her wall of denial
Shows her to be as likely to slip through thin ice, feeling
All wet and freezed out of a judgmental group, whose
Emotional safety depends upon sticking to a self righteous
Belief system like glue as is true, from time to time, of
Every person who’d ever lived, inclusive of you and me—
Though penning today’s bone chilling, intuitive train of thought
Gave me the shivers, I’m relieved to say that
The fearsome content of this post is not stimulating latent anxiety to
Strike, because I can feel the arousal of courage overcoming
My sense of fear concerning my soulful need to reveal deeper truth
Concerning my first sexual experience so as to offer the traumatized
Portion of my processor signs of internal healing
Deepening—considerably, based in the fact that
The truth sets us free from guilting ourselves, undeservedly—
Hhmm ...
Taken advantage of my inexperienced vulnerabilities, thus
Compounding my think tank’s deeply confounded sense of
Inner conflict, which was based in this fact: The conscious portion of
My brain had absorbed no clue whatsoever of The Catch 22, which had
Clearly caused my body to itch with inner need to free its
Tormented self from being physically assaulted, repeatedly, most
Especially since the conscious portion of my mind had most certainly
Absorbed Grandma’s message, stating:
‘Men only want one sinful thing’ (which God forbids Good girls to do)
And though my conscious awareness had no clue whatsoever of
Those times when my processor fell under my defense system’s
Self protective hypnotic sleeping spell, I’d felt compelled to
Submit to the pedophile’s demands as though they were
God’s commands while my subconscious (which riddled my
Body with anxious floods of deeply daunted undeserved guilt)
Most certainly felt, without a doubt, that my complacent
Participation was Bad—in fact, as BAD as BAD could be—
But rather than being BAD of me, intuitive insight riding
Out of my dark side upon a sudden streak of deeper truth
Suggests, having choked on, thus severing the self assertive
Portion of my voice from summoning help at the age of four)
My comatose state of partipation proved BAD for my
My soul’s spirit and mental health, absolving me as being
Innocent of sin so as to freely point the finger of guilt soley at
The sickened mind of the pedophile, liberating the small child
Who resides in my memory from feeling too BAD to
Feel worthy of love whenever the reality of
A human vulnerability, filtering through her wall of denial
Shows her to be as likely to slip through thin ice, feeling
All wet and freezed out of a judgmental group, whose
Emotional safety depends upon sticking to a self righteous
Belief system like glue as is true, from time to time, of
Every person who’d ever lived, inclusive of you and me—
Though penning today’s bone chilling, intuitive train of thought
Gave me the shivers, I’m relieved to say that
The fearsome content of this post is not stimulating latent anxiety to
Strike, because I can feel the arousal of courage overcoming
My sense of fear concerning my soulful need to reveal deeper truth
Concerning my first sexual experience so as to offer the traumatized
Portion of my processor signs of internal healing
Deepening—considerably, based in the fact that
The truth sets us free from guilting ourselves, undeservedly—
Hhmm ...
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