Over most of my life, my conscious mind existed in a perpetual state of denial, which explains why I did not feel need to create posts concerning emotional reactiveness overwhelming my think tank's cognitive connection to clarity, and I remained within that enchanted alternate universe, because one of my unidentified fears was directly related to spotlighting insights that would reveal terrifying truths buried alive deep inside my subconscious. You see, if intuitive thought had attempted to ignite my connection to clarity before a courageous sense of readiness was mine, any viscerally unnerving possibility of depriving my imaginative sense of personal safety of its protective wall of denial had to be blocked by a defensive spike of anxiety, because clarity, concerning consciously facing up to certain terrifying aspects of my past, was what my conscious awareness feared confronting, openly and honestly, most of all!
Therefore, in order to bury my fear of clarity, my defense system resorted to rationalization, which, though resembling logical thought processing, is not necessarily logical, at all ... so in order to nip my habit of distorting the truth by way of focusing upon rationalization, today, I consistently review deeper truths, which are no longer scare me senseless so as to ensure that my learning curve does not inadvertently switch tracks back to self deception, which had been my life-long, self protective defensive pattern. And once my newer pattern of forging my path with courage acting as my sythe has sliced through rationalizations that bogged down my ability to clear away fear-based cobwebs, which had tangled yesteryear's untamed fears throughout my trains of thought, I hope my story-teller will step free of my brain's web of anxiety-based fogginess so that I can clarify how often creative thought processes entertwining with humor inspired three competitive little boys to grow up to become a band of brothers whose existential differences continue to harmonize with emotional intelligence so as to create a family opus in which parents and offspring truly hold each other's best interests within each other's hearts as we've collectively come to understand that divided we flail around in search of securing our personal sense of safety whereas together we thrive while cheering each other on to realize deeply valued, highly personal, long range goals ...and during this sad time of loss, I'll paraphrase the last heartfelt insight that Will expressed, soulfully, while eulogizing his love for his brother ... Though my brother's body has gone to its eternal resting place, my brother's spirit will live forever in my heart.
Ohhmmm ...
No comments:
Post a Comment