Having found myself awakened in the dark of night
By waves of grief guiding me to write, my power of
Intuition, which is primal to human nature
Compelled me to soothe a sudden spike of
(Latent?) anxiety in hopes of relaxing
My heart muscle, which was painfully
Constricting thus limiting the oxygen intake that
Fuels my well-oiled brain to function clearly
And since reading previous posts calms
My naturally expressive emergence of emotionality
I found my processor adding insights to
Post 1469CC, because I could not fall back to
Sleep without soothing my primal fear of death
Hovering overhead, resembling Stranger Danger
Closing in after a phone call from Albuquerque
Woke us at 2AM ...
Will has already begun to soothe his primal grief, thus
Quelling his rising sense of anxiety by comforting
His heartfelt sadness with a deeper truth based in
Logic, concerning the fact that his brother, who'd
Felt quite unwell for much too long a spell, is
Now at peace ... Furthermore, my husband will
Express his natural emotional reactions in a way that
Differs from mine in that he'll escape into a restless sleep
While past experience suggests that sleep won't come to
Me until the latency of my (subconscious) fearful reaction to
The dark cloud of death hanging overhead has been tamed
Suggesting my need to confront anxiety concerning
The brevity of the circle of life intertwining with
The agony of yesteryear's personal loss, both of which
Will prove more easily controlled, currently, than
Would have been true had my intuitive powers not
Coaxed me to take iPad in hand and busy
My brain with proactively examining my inner life more
Conscientiously than had been possible until I'd chosen to open
My ears, turn up the volume on my intuitive voice, straighten
My thinking cap and really tune into insights
Astutely highlighting deeper truths, which continue to
Brighten my conscious awareness concerning my need to
Name and tame the primary reason why each
Unexpected death arouses yesteryear's sense of terror, which
Having lurked within the subconsciously associative portion of
My inquisitive brain (beginning at the age of two and a half
With my grandfather's death several weeks prior to that of
My baby sister), catalyzes my basic instinct's primal fear of
Feeling left all alone (in a crowded room) to fend for myself
And knowing that my adult intelligence has gained an understanding
Of what causes intermittent episodes of PTSD to emerge and
High jack my connection to reasoning with clarity intact
I've chosen to muster the courage to name, tame and master
The latency of youth's most vulnerable fear (of being seen as
So unworthy of familial love as to feel cast out into
The cold, cruel world, all alone) before yesteryear's anxiety
Strikes so high, today, as to stimulate adrenaline to
Race through my bloodstream, depriving my brain of oxygen
Thus hutting down my think tank's ability to initiate calming
Conversations amongst me, myself and I ... and now that
I've come to understand which life experiences stimulate
Episodes of PTSD to hotwire a sudden panic attack
My deep thinking. self aware processor, which
Awakened, today, sensing primal need to self-sooth
An overwhelming sensation of emotion by way of
Penning this logical train of thought (an impossible feat for
A toddler's undeveloped think tank to achieve) gently wishes
My dear brother an untroubled, ever-lasting, deeply peaceful sleep ...
No comments:
Post a Comment