Our family's untraditional Thanksgiving tradition that
All five of us look forward to, knowing how much our annual
Knish-making party, which has taken place for forty years on
The Tuesday evening, before every Thursday's feast, has
Come to mean to each one of us, and if you ask:
How did your Knish-making party come to be?
I'd reply: Once upon a time, more than one hundred years ago
Will's grandma, who, as a young bride, had emigrated
From the old country, sailed in steerage to the new world with
Family treasures packed inside her memory bank
These family treasures were recipes of succulent dishes, passed
Down from generation to generation, and for some reason
Upon adopting Thanksgiving with all of its trimmings
Will's Grandma chose to include her mother's delicious
Potato knishes as part of this all American holiday feast, and
For more than a century, Grandma's knish-making tradition
Has continued to thrive by way of one generation
Passing the proverbial rolling pin and fry pan to the next
By the time I'd met Will, in mid December of 1961, Thanksgiving
Had passed, so my first experience, joining the women, gathered
Around his Grandma's kitchen table took place late in November of
1962, during my freshman year in college, at which time, I watched
Two of Will's aunts peeling, boiling and mashing a huge pot of
Potatoes, while another rolled dough on the table along side of
Grandma; as to Will's mom, she was at the stove, frying tons of
Onions, which she'd chopped, and over the next several years
I'd eagerly participated in their family's untraditional
Thanksgiving tradition until we'd moved to the desert, where
Will, hungering for knishes as Thanksgiving approached, saw me
Cheerfully adopt the role of chief knish-maker in the southwest
However, the first time I made knishes (with five year old
Barry and three year old Steven in tow) only one woman
Could be seen peeling, boiling and mashing potatoes while
Wiping away at tears, rolling down my cheeks once onions, chopped
Had been fried on the stove, after which there was dough in need of
Mixing, kneading and rolling before being cut into small circles, which
Would be stuffed with the potato/onion mixture before frying and then
Wrapping these delicacies in paper towels to drain any residual oil ...
Oh, did I mention that in addition to creating each dish that made up
The rest of Will's family's traditional feast, homemade apple and
Pumpkin chiffon pies had already been baked from scratch for
Family and friends, who were eager to ring our bell on
Thanksgiving Day, so I'd delayed peeling, boiling and mashing
The potatoes, frying the onions, kneading, rolling, stuffing and frying
The dough until after both boys had been bathed, read bedtime stories and
Been tenderly tucked in for the night with hugs and kisses and
A three minute miracle for each one (To be described at another time)
By the time I'd made the knishes, cleaned up the kitchen and fell into bed
It was way past 1AM, and somehow, knish-making didn't seem to be
Half the fun by myself as had been true when I was Will's girlfriend and
Then, his bride, working side by side with his Grandma and her crew of
Daughters ... By and by, David was born, and when he was one, I, feeling
Need for adult mental stimulation, had resumed teaching, so when
Family flew out and stayed with us to share in four days of,holiday joy
Rather than delighting in our house guests and traditions, evolutionary
Changes had catalyzed a sense of inner conflict to arise, which divided
My original mindset, concerning knish-making, into two opposing parts
And if we had a time machine and X-ray vision, you and I would buckle up
And zoom straight back to the mid 1970's, so that, together, we'd clearly see
The reasons, causing my weariness, being that our time machine would be set
To stop on any given Tuesday before our Thanksgiving feast on Thursday:
We'd see an energetic woman in her early thirties, who had wholeheartedly
Loved family, friends and tradition, wrestling with a very tired mother of
Three, who, generally speaking, had truly felt lovingly whenever she'd
Watched her trio of sons playing or whiling away the evening with
Will, relaxing in front of their only TV, while she'd cleaned up after
Dinner, followed by bathing, diapering, tickling and placing her
Laughing baby in his crib before even thinking about
The older boys' bedtime routine, which came about an hour
Later, which she'd spent prepping the kitchen for hours of
Knish-making yet to come, oh—Did I mention that in addition to
Making dinner that evening, cleaning up and prepping for
Knish-making, the woman had cheerfully helped with homework
After chauffeuring to and from after-school activities, or
Doctor or dentist appointments or whatever errands or shopping
Had been necessary that day, and let's not forget sports—practices or
Games—all of which had usurped more time than the chief
Knishmaket had to spare, because as soon as the holiday pace
Picks up steam—nothing, concerning non-stop daily family life
pauses—right? So rather than placing the college classes that
I'd loved teaching aside, I'd finally felt compelled to place
My oar aside, and standing up to my full five feet two height,
Guess who chose to rock the boat at home in hopes of
Creating change for the better before totally losing my mind!
Or My temper! Or both! I mean, for a couple of years
I'd begun to have knish nightmares by mid November, where
Finding myself sucked into the middle of
mountain of fresh dough, no one could hear me calling for
Help until moments before suffocation was complete when
Mercifully, I'd awaken to find myself still staring into the face of
That nightmare, because five pounds of unpeeled potatoes
Several whole unchopped onions and five pounds of flour, which
Awaited kneading by hand, loomed as heavy on
The kitchen counter as was true of the weight of time constraints that
Squashed my peace of mind, stimulating my creative center to
Formulate a plan—one evening, during the mid seventies, after dinner
(It was a Monday before knish-making Tuesday to be exact), I called for
A family meeting and in addition to discussing the passage of some of
My daily chores to the older boys (More about that transition at another
Time) I heard my inner voice offer this ultimatum: Knish-making could
Transform into a fun family tradition or the chief knish-maker in the
Southwest would retire ... As Will, Barry and Steven loved wolfing down
That once-a-year-dish, all three agreed to help, and though our
First experiment with cooking, all together, the very next night, provided
Fun for the boys (one of whom chose to stuff his knishes with hot fudge)
And their mom (after the baby's bath and bedtime), their dad, who
For years, had followed no one's lead but his own, grumbled and frowned a bit too
Passive aggressively for my liking, and then, I had reason to like what happened
Next even less: After our first knish-making party, I'd tucked the boys in for
The night, quite a bit later than their regular bedtime, and upon wearily returning
To our super messy, floury, oily, kitchen, which was in need of cleaning for
The second time, that evening, Will was no where to be found, and though
Normally, I, knowing the long, demanding hours of a surgeon's day, had truly
Chosen to tenderly cater to Will's every whim—
That night proved different from all other nights for this reason:
For quite some time my work day had proved even longer than his, so when
I found that he'd tucked himself into bed while I'd been tending to our boys
My survival instinct stood up, causing the rest of my brain to work overtime
At maintaining control over keeping my tongue quiet, inside my mouth, so
Rather than waking Will, who was famous for falling asleep, quick as a wink
I marched my whole angry self into the kitchen and cleaned up for
The second time that night by myself, stuffing my anger in similar fashion
To stuffing knishes, because that was my way, and Rome was not built in a day
The main point I'm making, today, is this: Our attitudes, written in stone
Concerning woman's work, had need to undergo several stages of transition
Before one woman (that would be me) could count on all four of the men in
Her family to develop an ever deepening sense of positively focused
Respect for her time and energy as she had been pre-conditioned to
Respect and consider theirs, so, having clarified an insight as significant
As that, concerning differences between Will's upbringing as a male and
Mine as a female, both raised in the fifties, let's leap several decades
Forward, to today, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, 2016—uh wait—
Let's stop our time machine earlier in the week, this past Sunday
Morning to be exact, when Will, being retired, chose to do the holiday
Grocery shopping before a day of football began, and then let's take
A quick hop from Sunday to Monday when Will was seen, cheerfully
Peeling and mashing potatoes, as has been true for many years, while
I'd fried tons of onions in preparation for our family feast, which for
More than forty years had seen us open our front door and welcome
Thirty guests or more into our home in the desert, and having zoomed
Back and forth over these past forty years of enjoying
Knish-making parties, that brings us to this very moment in time, where
I, looking forward to tonight's untraditional family tradition, plan to
Share in Ravi's second annual knish-making experience, when we all
Gather round the kitchen island and delight in our grand daughter's
Enjoyment, which will be obvious to see, since I'm certain that she'll roll
The dough with as much gusto at the age of two as was true when she was
Video'd rolling dough with marble rolling pin in hand at the age of one
And such does life change for the better, step by step, when we think to
Brainstorm so clearly and creatively inside our heads as to muster
The self control necessary to make sound use of our voices to express and meet
Existential needs in such caring ways as to consider mutual respect, all around
2015
2016
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