Once my intuitive quest to know myself in depth exhumed the primary, self demeaning attitude (which had subconsciously undermined my self worth ever since childhood), my conscious awareness gained insight into this fact: The darkened side of my self-image had unwittingly influenced my decision-making process more often than I'd known. As long as I'd remained blind to those times when negativity had factored into my decision-making process, I'd no clue of how often I'd reacted like a frenemy to myself. And here are three reasons why that was true:
I did not know that when the same inner conflict, arises, repeatedly, indecision is born of a subconscious mixed message in which opposing personal needs wrestle for dominance within our brains.
I did not know that the persistence of mixed messages messes with our decision making process for this reason: whereas one side of the mixed message is the voice of intuition inspiring you to take a leap of faith the other side is the voice of latent anxiety, which has been carried forward in an unprocessed state since childhood.
I did not know that each time any part of a current situation triggers yesteryear's unprocessed (thus unresolved) anxiety to arise from its subconscious state, the same degree of self flagellation that you (or I) had experienced during childhood will flog each of us with yesteryear's unresolved guilt, anew. Since each of these mental processes takes place subconsciously, it's not unusual to flog ourselves and limit our choices, unnecessarily, today.
As I'd not consciously pieced this train of thought together, clearly, until today, I appreciate my attentive connection to my intuitive powers more than ever. The fact that, over these past few years, I've consciously chosen to offer my power of intuition free rein to guide many decisions, which, in hindsight, proved essential to the success of my quest to know myself in depth must be due to 'the magic of the mind', which inspires us to muster the courage to take leaps of faith before we fully understand why we've chosen to choose a choice that's totally out of character with decisions made in the past. During the early stages of my quest, I'd not consciously realized that mixed messages, leaps of faith and personal growth go forward, hand in hand in hand until a positively focused cycle, fortified by a host of inner strengths, has been forged.
Today, I have grown so naturally attentive to listening for guidance from my intuitive voice that my thought processes feel both inspired and self-empowered to muster the courage necessary to work at peeling away each next layer of my defense system's wall of denial. In retrospect, the fact that I've worked determinedly to peel away layer upon layer of my wall of denial has proved paramount to enhancing my ability to exhume, examine, understand and heal the most deeply wounded aspect of my self esteem, which had festered painfully, subconsciously, since the age of three. And finally, during recent weeks, my posts have reflected intuitive trains of thought shining the spotlight of insight onto the primary, self demeaning fear, which had terrified a sweet, three year old child, most of all.
Early last week, that primary fear was successfully exhumed and reprocessed in such a rebalanced fashion as to inspire my spirit's energy level to smile from, ear to ear, with the sense of inner peace that I've been striving to achieve for over twenty years. And if you ask what makes this sense of inner peace sing out loud from the epicenter of my soul, I'd reply:
This well-deserved sense of self love, which has been bubbling up and permeating my whole, has blown mixed messaged madness right out of the subconscious portion of my mind, so when I consider meeting my personal needs, rather than feeling selfish, I feel healthy!
No comments:
Post a Comment