1416 SINCE TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES MIGHT THERE BE A DOOR IN YOUR WALL, WHICH, HAVING BEEN CLOSED FOR QUITE A WHILE, MAY BE READY TO OPEN?

Though I'd thought to have left undeserved guilt in the past, my mind, body and spirit feel a renewed sense of relief each time I am reminded of how long it took to identify and unburden my mind from lugging around the subconscious weight of inner conflict, concerning my self-demeaning self image, wherever I went.  And in order to fully stoke my memory bank with positively focused energy, straight down to my core, I decided to scroll back and review insights, which emerged in several posts, penned but not yet published for this reason:  Thought processes, flowing freely through my fingertips (likening my keyboard to a piano) onto my screen were so complex as to need a whale of editing before each flash of clarity could be conveyed with musicality rather than asking you to stumble from here to there within the discordant darkside of my wounded self esteem.  And while consciously absorbing attitudes about myself, which continue to change for the better (with each additional reading of insights), guess what my smart heart said to my intuitive self?

I said kudos to the power of my intuition's determination to guide my conscious mind toward  mustering the courage to tunnel ever more deeply into my subconscious, repeatedly, thus penetrating layer upon layer of denial, behind which lurked negatively focused fears, which had unwittingly undermined my personal strengths at every stage of my life—until recently.  And if you ask specifically what has changed, I'd reply: Having worked to identify and heal the wounded portions of my brain, where negatively focused trains of thought (which had subconsciously haunted my peace of mind) had disparaged my self image, a deeply confounded, good little girl of three has finally been proved innocent of wrong-doing after a lengthy trial, conducted by adult introspection, served to piece together the bigger picture, to which a small child's undeveloped thought processor would have naturally been blind.  And now that my exhausting quest for clarity, which has permeated my sense of wholeness with self respect, has liberated my self assessment to think well of myself without darkly cloudy shadows of self doubt raining on my parade of inner strengths, the magnitude of this mind-relaxing change for the better leads me to ask—yet again ...

If deeper truth suggests that no youngster leaves childhood emotionally unscathed then isn't it likely that at some time during your tender years, you, like me, felt utterly confounded by a deeply perplexing, totally unexpected twist of fate that caused you see yourself as very bad (in fact, so bad as to have subconsciously misjudged yourself unworthy of self-love and self-respect), at the vulnerable age of two ... or four ... or seven ... or ten ... or fifteen ... for this reason:  Authority's over-reactiveness to whatever you'd said or done had been far too complex for your inexperienced think tank to fathom, and ever since then, you've unknowingly shouldered that deeply confounded feeling of (undeserved) guilt as the haunting nature of parent tapes, relating to that early childhood experience, have been empowered to strike you down, subconsciously, repeatedly, causing your inner judge to condemn you ever so harshly whenever you so much as contemplate doing or saying anything that your over-reactive, parental authority figure might consider 'wrong'—again.  And if that scenario speaks as personally to you as had been true of me, repeatedly, then isn't it time for your personal quest to know thyself in depth to kick-start your intuitive powers to search ever more deeply into your past in hopes of spotlighting insights, concerning events which, upon being considered in a new light, will exhonorate your undeserved, subconscious sense of failure, thus easing your mind's inner conflict,  concerning your self worth, which, having been based in negatively focused attitudes to which you'd been blind, may offer your internal control freak sound reason to feel so relaxed as to free your closed mindset to open a door where, on the other side of your wall of denial, your spirit waits to welcome you to spread your wings and fly past self imposed boundaries, liberating your smart, good hearted sense of wholesomeness to soar, unencumbered by a falsely darkened self image, at last!  Whew!

Hopefully, tonight, you'll sleep on today's food for thought, which has been offered to nourish your intuitive powers to kick in more consciously and consistently than ever before—and now that Ravi, napping peacefully next to me, has just begun to stir, I'll end with thoughts of perfect timing, dancing through my head, while acknowledging, with tongue in cheek, that perfection, which, over most of my life, I'd subconsciously strived to achieve, did not, doth not, and never  will—exist.  Even so—every once in a while, something comes so close to perfection as to feel magical, and I've come to see that choosing to stand behind the door, where a closed mindset limits our spirit's natural need to fly free of self imposed restraint, proves an impossibility for one such as me, who's mantra remains—NEVER GIVE UP—on LOVING thoroughly, expansively, wholeheartedly ...