Thank goodness, my conscious mind chose to engage in EMDR therapy (which freed my intuitive powers to dive ever more deeply, repeatedly, emerging with repressed portions of my history), thus inspiring my sense of wholeness to develop confidence in my brain's ability to multifunction, which proves necessary if self trust is to remain intact during emotionally confounding times when mental stress tends to run so high for so long as to signal the adrenal gland to release adrenalin into the blood stream, replacing oxygenated blood with this chemical that causes the heart to pump too quickly, alerting anxiety (which runs interference with regaining mental clarity) to strike. And since my think tank has worked patiently over these last several years to absorb this conscious sense of self trust more fully, the emergence of latent fears (concerning my negatively focused, self image) have lost their potency to frighten my existential needs into silent submission no matter how much adrenalin is rushing through my blood for this reason: My conscious mind has absorbed the wisdom to summon a courageous sense of patience, which proves necessary if I am to tolerate and tame high anxiety until such time as diving toward clarity releases my intuitive powers, which 'know' when to inspire me to follow Socrates' creed to 'know myself' in greater depth until readiness inspires my think tank to lead me forward by taking another courageous step into the great unknown, suggestive of this change for the better: Diving for insight releases the wisdom, which makes better use of my natural smarts.
And guess what results each time diving toward crystal clear clarity is my reward for mustering the courage and patience to tolerate long-lasting spikes of anxiety, which had, in previous years, overwhelmed my ability to steady my think tank from capitulating to heightened levels of stress, thus capsizing my connection to common sense? With patience and courage intact, the eventual emergence of insight into deeper truth, repressed beyond conscious awareness, resurfaces, catalyzing my comfort zone to expand so naturally as to inspire my think tank to reconsider choices, which had eluded my acceptance at an earlier time when my self image had proved more subconsciously distorted than I'd consciously known ...
So having accomplished the difficult work necessary to float on (rather than diving toward), the natural buoyancy of self trust, here's what I've clearly come to believe: I've consistently and conscientiously worked to thin out my defensive wall of denial, suggesting why additional strings of insight are likely to glide up toward conscious awareness on gentle breezes of clarity without causing my brain so much pain, due to the re-emergence of deeply repressed mental strain, experienced in years past.
And that brings us to today, when self trust (rather than repressed fear), filtering through my thoughts, offers your friend, Annie, sound reason to feel more relaxed with each passing day than has been true since terror of the unknown gripped my mind at the vulnerable age of three.
If you ask where comes this absorption of self trust? I'd reply: Each time I choose to tolerate rising levels of anxiety (knowing that the source of today's stress is actually based in unprocessed fear from the past), eventually, my brain's intuitive powers are naturally deployed to identify and disempower the host of interrelated subconscious fears, which, having being repressed, had pierced my conscious mind with spikes of unnamed anxieties ever since I was a tot until my think tank's current absorption of self trust had sound reason to replace my control freak's subconscious need for hyper vigilance, 24/7. And not until self trust has experienced a well practiced sense of tolerating anxiety without losing hold of sanity saving, solution seeking tools, will devisive decisions, based in defensive reactiveness, evaporate into thin air as though all on its own.
If you ask where comes this absorption of self trust? I'd reply: Each time I choose to tolerate rising levels of anxiety (knowing that the source of today's stress is actually based in unprocessed fear from the past), eventually, my brain's intuitive powers are naturally deployed to identify and disempower the host of interrelated subconscious fears, which, having being repressed, had pierced my conscious mind with spikes of unnamed anxieties ever since I was a tot until my think tank's current absorption of self trust had sound reason to replace my control freak's subconscious need for hyper vigilance, 24/7. And not until self trust has experienced a well practiced sense of tolerating anxiety without losing hold of sanity saving, solution seeking tools, will devisive decisions, based in defensive reactiveness, evaporate into thin air as though all on its own.
Upon voicing today's string of insights during this afternoon's session of EMDR, I watched my therapist smile while saying: So, you've grown content with 'being' human rather than feeling driven to 'do' something to create change for the better in aspects of life that prove beyond your personal control ...
Taking her positive comment to heart, my eyes sparkled, reflecting my spirit's smile, dancing naturally in tune with her professionally perceptive perspective as I offered this simple reply: Yes.
Taking her positive comment to heart, my eyes sparkled, reflecting my spirit's smile, dancing naturally in tune with her professionally perceptive perspective as I offered this simple reply: Yes.
Good, was her response ... After all, you are a 'human being', not a 'human doing' ...
What I didn't think to say at that time is this: Feeling relaxed doth not suggest giving up on hope ...
Why not? Because basing today's intuitively inspired decisions in hope's natural buoyancy, which keeps my head above the emotionality that remains repressed below 'see' level, is not in need of change.
BTW ... Before pulling this post into today's rest station, I feel need to end this current stream of consciousness with this thought: Upon awakening this morning, the tool box inside my head sprung open, whereby my think tank chose to employ a 'tweaker' to change yesterday's post for the better by tweaking spots of complexity, here and there, without adding to its length ... suggesting that there are times in every person's life when all we need 'do' to save a workable plan from sinking back into the quicksand of subterranean, emotional complexity (which, fueled by the arousal of yesteryear's unprocessed anxiety, feels overwhelmingly combustible) is to inject our minds with healthy doses of self trust, based in personal history, thus recharging a wearied spirit, such as mine, which has encouraged my conscious awareness to dive into turbulent waters that proved over my head for so many years as to deeply appreciate time spent, floating forward along this portion of the river, which running as deep and clear and calm as a river can be, offers my active mind time to bask neath a sunny blue sky until mind and spirit feel as purely refreshed as does a parched desert day in the aftermath of a whirling 'haboo'... and if I liken our most deeply valued relationships to river life that thrives, as does every living thing, by dining on a balanced diet of sunshine and showers, then common sense suggests my pulling this current stream of consciousness into today's rest station after I say that we hard working human beings have need, now and then, to make time to sit for a spell amid the flowers that we love to smell, most of all ...
What I didn't think to say at that time is this: Feeling relaxed doth not suggest giving up on hope ...
Why not? Because basing today's intuitively inspired decisions in hope's natural buoyancy, which keeps my head above the emotionality that remains repressed below 'see' level, is not in need of change.
BTW ... Before pulling this post into today's rest station, I feel need to end this current stream of consciousness with this thought: Upon awakening this morning, the tool box inside my head sprung open, whereby my think tank chose to employ a 'tweaker' to change yesterday's post for the better by tweaking spots of complexity, here and there, without adding to its length ... suggesting that there are times in every person's life when all we need 'do' to save a workable plan from sinking back into the quicksand of subterranean, emotional complexity (which, fueled by the arousal of yesteryear's unprocessed anxiety, feels overwhelmingly combustible) is to inject our minds with healthy doses of self trust, based in personal history, thus recharging a wearied spirit, such as mine, which has encouraged my conscious awareness to dive into turbulent waters that proved over my head for so many years as to deeply appreciate time spent, floating forward along this portion of the river, which running as deep and clear and calm as a river can be, offers my active mind time to bask neath a sunny blue sky until mind and spirit feel as purely refreshed as does a parched desert day in the aftermath of a whirling 'haboo'... and if I liken our most deeply valued relationships to river life that thrives, as does every living thing, by dining on a balanced diet of sunshine and showers, then common sense suggests my pulling this current stream of consciousness into today's rest station after I say that we hard working human beings have need, now and then, to make time to sit for a spell amid the flowers that we love to smell, most of all ...
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