Though I was not surprised when exhaustion hit
The day after our Passover Seder, I was shocked when
Several days later, the unrelentless nature of that exhaustion
Spurred anxiety to strike, which mystified my sense of
Clarity for weeks until intuitive trains of thought, tunneling
Ever more deeply into subconscious memory, offered
My conscious awareness a growing sense of relief from
Anxiety as, day after day, intuition compelled me to
Pen the same string of insights, repeatedly, until, recently
When, finally, this fact popped into my conscious mind, as
Though the power of intuition was a well practiced
Magician, who rather than pulling rabbits out of hats
Grows well practiced at coaxing strings of insight out of
Subconscious memory, thus inviting conscious awareness to
Tap into deeper truth until emotional baggage, weighing heavy
On our conscious minds and spirits, turn us into
Control freaks until ... fate offers us reason to peel away at
Defensiveness as our personal quests toward self discovery
Get underway, and at this point of my personal quest, I've
Learned to listen up when intuitive thought offers up
Insight that transforms surface confusion into
Depths of clarity that, with patience intact, eventually
Rings right out loud, clear as a bell, as was true when
My well practiced power of listening for intuitive thought
Tapped into the subconscious reason why my recent
Lengthy bout of exhaustion made sense, and once
Working through depths of mental complexity, which is
Exhausting, clarifies, successfully, for me, my
Brain signals need to rest by alerting intuitive
Thought to pen posts, stating clearly that I don't feel
Like writing, and once each rest period feels complete
Intuitive trains of thought, feeling fully
Stoked and re-energized, whisper of time to simplify
Complex trains of thought for you, and having
Clearly expressed my process, here are
Two subconscious fears, which had stimulated my defense system
(Which can't differentiate between yesteryear's haunting threat
Emerging from the daunting depths of subconscious memory and
That which proves to be a near and present danger) to hijack
My cognitive intelligence, in the aftermath of our
Joyous Passover holiday, causing my personal sense of
Safety to collapse, leaving me feeling as though every iota of
My mental energy had been sucked into that black hole where
I could not shake feeling utterly confounded, emotionally spent, and
Anxious for weeks, because my think tank, which was
Out to lunch) had offered me no conscious clue of this deeper truth:
During those weeks when total exhaustion seemed to linger
Inexplicably, on and on, I had no idea that my self-motivated spirit
Was directing my well practiced power of intuition to coax
The entirety of my brain's energy source toward remaining
Fully engaged, 24/7, diving ever more deeply into
Subconscious territory until, one by one, two terrible fears, which
Had been repressed in an unprocessed state within
The traumatized portion of a three year year old child's brain, emerged
And once conscious awareness identified both of those unnamed fears
The intelligent adult, whom I've grown up to be, became
Aware of my life-long need to process (identify) those fears with
The mature sense of cognitive clarity that had not yet developed when
My grandpa's and sister's sudden deaths, several weeks apart, had
Struck the minds and hearts of every adult (upon whom my sense of safety
Depended) to reel with shock, guilt and grief for so long a time as to have
Traumatized a good little girl's sense of self into misperceiving of herself
As being utterly insignificant unless she toed the mark while
Figuring out how to transform every frown that she encountered into
A smile, and as long as that misperception remained
Buried within layers of defensive denial, fear, concerning
Her negatively focused sself assessment fueled
Her subconscious need to feel utterly indispensable and thus
Irreplaceable, so that she'd never have to face feeling so
Completely alone, invisible and miserable, ever again ...
And in addition to fearing the misery that accompanied
My subconscious misperceptive belief of invisibility
I wonder if you can guess at the second unprocessed fear, which
Exhaustion had tapped into during those weeks, following Passover, until
I came to comprehend that intuitive trains of thought were leading
My conscious mind to minimize the repetitive nature of spikes of anxiety in
Favor of acknowledging the well practiced nature of
My power of intuition, which working as though all on its own
Had been spotlighting strings of insight for so many years ad
To inspire my conscious awareness to remember to minimize
Anxious reactions that arose each time a bout of PTSD 'hinted' at
My need to unidentify a subconscious fear, which
Has haunted my peace of mind, beginning with Janet's death when
My undeveloped think tank had not yet celebrated
The third birthday of a good, little, who was destined to
Grow up to become a solution-seeking, super sleuth, whose
Enthusiastic approach to positive disciple has related
A wide variety of success stories, each of which has
Focused on inspiring countless parents and teachers to
Choose to motivate children to choose to comprehend
Differentiate between and cooperate with family rules and
House rules, leading toward the betterment of every
Individual as well as the family unit, functioning as a whole ...
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