If you're thinking that spikes of anxiety dogged me quite
Frequently until recently, that was actually not true for this reason:
Early on, I grew so accustomed to blindly complying
Cheerfully with everything others came to
Expect of me that my presence drew smiles wherever I'd go, suggesting
Why eruptions of anxiety (based in my unidentified fear of frowns)
Proved a rarity, and if a problem did arise, my conscious awareness
Dived so quickly behind my shield of denial as to subconsciously repress
Anxious reactiveness until deeper truth, tapping into unidentified fear
Seeped through my defensive wall in the dark of night, causing me to
Awaken, itching like crazy to get out of my skin ... But as long as
No one, including me, caught wind of so much as even
One conscious clue of the fact that pockets of personal anguish, secreted
Behind the surface of my smile, had darkened a sweet natured, little girl's
Self perception so much as to 'see' herself as having been
So unworthy of love as to feel compelled to scratch
Through the surface layers of her skin so as to expose
The rawness of pain, festering behind her many-layered
Wall of denial, which persisted until the existence of
An unprocessed (unexamined) conundrum, which, having been
Subconsciously submerged, bamboozled everyone in
Her extended family who believed that
All was well with Annie, suggestive of this fact:
Just as we don't know what goes on behind closed doors
Deeper truth suggests that conscious awareness has no clue as to
What goes on behind the wall of denial that divides
Your brain and mine into two separate parts
(One part proving itself to be as bright, courageous and strong
As the other side proves every bit as darkly fearful and vulnerable to
'Attack' as had been true during childhood, when over-reactive giants
Ruled your little corner of the world and mine) and thus do
The conscious portions of our brains remain blind to
Childhood's subconsciously buried fears, which undermine
Adult peace of mind until a matured sense of readiness spurs
Intuitive trains of thought to embark upon an insight-driven quest to
Deepen self awareness by inspiring the conscious portion of our minds to
Tunnel toward 'forgotten' memories, secreted subconsciously, which
Upon resurfacing, shine surprising spotlights on insights that
Empower your think tank with knowledge, concerning
Unidentified fears in need of addressing so that
Your self assessment begins to rebalance until such time as
Your spirit feels wholly revitalized in ways that not
Been possible after over-reactive parenting had caused
A good child to feel so bad as to have charged oneself as feeling
Too guilt-ridden to feel worthy of love, suggesting why each time
Personal unmet needs raised their disregarded little heads, your
Conscious awareness remained blind to differentiating between
Guilt due to wrong doing, right now, vs the haunting, daunting
Natural re-emergence of guilt, left unprocessed, repressed, unresolved
And thus festering every bit as rawly as to recreate anxiety, today, as
Had been true during childhood, when a good, little girl
Had been made to feel like a criminal convicted
By loved ones to serve a life sentences of guilt to pay penitence for
Having been so unacceptably imperfect as to have been caught
Red handed, at wrong doing that, upon reflection, proves as benign
As sneaking a piece of candy after having been told not to taste it under
Penalty of feeling love (and thus, emotional safety) withdrawn
Suggesting that harsh measures need not rise to tragic proportions before
A child's subconscious misperception of parental angst casts such a
Darkly distressed shadow of doom, looming directly over head as to
Make a frightened child tOe the mark, unknowingly, throughout
Every stage of life ... Unless some star-studded, mesmerizing experience
Serves to ignite an insight-driven, intuitive quest that, step by step, liberates
A person's conscious awareness from remaining blind to
Subconscious guilt, so that, over time, a place of deeper truth, which
Penetrates straight down into the center of the soul is ultimately revealed ...
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