My quest for deeper truth has unrooted the primary reason as to why a latent sense of guilt-ridden anxiety has haunted my well being since childhood. Finally, years of soul searching point to this revelation: My negatively focused self assessment had been waiting for the other shoe to drop ever since the grieving (and thus, over-reactive, explosive, emotional) reactions of 'giants', whom I'd entrusted with my love and personal safety, had caused a small child to feel so confounded and terrified as to have 'seen' myself as, suddenly, somehow, so unacceptably imperfect as to have narrowed my comfort zone from feeling free to express all of my personal needs to repressing this fact: In the aftermath of my baby sister's unexpected death, I'd felt safest expressing none of my needs, and that change for the worse had been my fate until twenty years ago, when my adopted persona of selflessness had sound reason to spring a leak, liberating my tunneling power of intuition, which had felt caged behind my wall of denial, to work undercover, like a private eye, toward freeing the portion of my self assertive voice, which, until recently, had felt caught up in such a tightly knit web of repressed emotionality as to have denied my conscious awareness access to a host of inter-related, subconscious secrets until intuitive trains of thought felt so free of denial's constraints as to coax my smarts to relax enough to tunnel (while the rest of me sleeps) ever more deeply toward exposing the original, unprocessed fear that has attacked my sense of inner peace with episodes of guilt-ridden anxiety, which had spiked with undeserved frequency, repeatedly ...
Once my conscious sense of readiness placed its faith in partnering up with intuition, my fate began to change for the better for this reason: With the power of intuition riding sidekick, my conscious sense of emotional maturity worked at realigning both sides of my brain to function as one well-oiled machine, which, over recent years, has worked faithfully toward achieving this deeply coveted, peaceful awareness: My deepest subconscious fear, which had served as my primary source of latent anxiety throughout every stage of my life, has finally been exposed, and with exposure, the haunting nature of this fear has lost its power to repress my personal needs, which, ever since childhood, had felt unworthy of personal fulfillment, and having identified my primary source of repressed emotional pain, I, having worked, like a trooper, to heal the wounded portion of my self esteem, finally feel free to honor my needs (within reason) just as I've chosen to honor the needs of my loved ones—and no doubt, time will tell if my cure is long lasting or short lived ... And with that change for the better clearly stated, today's train of intuitive thought is encouraging the newly liberated portion of my self assertive voice to free this question to float across the miles into your ear ...
How ya gonna be true to your deepest self when your conscious mind does not yet know which portion of your self assessment has been handcuffed to a latent (repressed) sense of undeserved guilt throughout every stage of your life, even unto today?
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