Let me start by saying that crazy things happened to this post while I was writing it. And to show you how disoriented my mind felt while these strange things were taking place, I've decided not to rearrange any sentences, which had somehow been saved in a disorganized state. Tomorrow, I'll offer an explanation as well as insight into that which seemingly flew in from out of the blue, disrupting the peaceful state of my pattern of writing. As for now, all I'll say is that there's a place for chaos in every life for this reason: Chaos is actually a sign that some aspect of growth is processing through necessary stages of change. And once you can pinpoint where growth is taking place, chaos can be seen as progress—you know, like peering into a cocoon before the butterfly is ready to take wing. And having planted that thought in your mind and mine, I hope you'll agree to simply go with the uneven flow while reading this post, as I did while writing it, for this reason: Situations, which at first seem crazy, tend to make sense when our sense of awareness, concerning the complexities of life and love, deepens :)
If you've ever wondered how it feels to live with a cock-eyed optimist, I can tell you one thing for certain: No one who dwells under our roof feels down in the dumps, overlong. At least that's been true ever since the positive focus bug spied me swaying, back and forth, on my royal blue, pillowy patio swing. As a direct result of having been bitten by this bug, I couldn't help but sneeze my philosophy of life, all around town. Eventually, as one year rolled into the next, thousands of folk, who'd enrolled in my classes and opened their minds to absorbing five simple tools, which turn frowns into smiles, implored me to write my stories until, finally, my mind felt inspired to breathe life into this blog :)
Though I write about developing a healthy awareness concerning the ways in which vulnerabilities and strengths fit into the greater scheme of fantasy vs. reality—I enjoy the fact that many peg me as being an outgoing, exceptionally social, positively focused, Pollyana kind of person, both professionally and personally. On the other hand, reality has blown me over enough times to have inspired the introspective side of my mind to demand equal space inside my head, which is why this cock-eyed optimist's heartfelt outlook on life has come to value the concept of balance in all things—suggesting that I openly express moments of sadness along with experiences, which buoy my spirit with boundless expressions of joy. If you scratch your head while asking whether any middle ground exists inside my mind, I'd reply: Middle ground is where my memories are stored—and since it's my choice to recall which memories to withdraw, most especially when my heart is in need of healing, it's my habit to set aside memories of sadness in favor of revisiting countless moments when my spirit had reason to soar with excitement, born of pure joy. I guess you could say it's the Pollyana side of me that fervently believes in Annie's song: The Sun Will Come Out, Tomorrow :)
As those of you who've come to know me intimately might agree, this cockeyed optimistic trait of mine is not irrational, at all, and I honestly declare that to be true with eyes open wide for this reason: My NGU sense of optimism is not based in make believe but rather in another trait that I've worked tirelessly to develop—namely, self trust—which continues to deepen for this reason: Each time I work to attain a long range goal, which, being beyond my reach, makes doubtful Thomas's nudge each other while rolling their eyes, the wider grows my Mona Lisa smile. Why? Because—just as I imagine how many eyes must have rolled before an Earthling was actually launched into space, landed on target and took a small step for wo/mankind while shaking hands with the man in the moon—I imagine my present endeavors proving successful as the magical (creative) side of my mind moves forward along this positively focused path, one infintesimal step at a time :)
Seriously, have you got a clue as to what unexpected miraculous adventure the future may hold for you? I certainly don't. Even so, each time I awaken to a new day, guess who's hoping for the best? Yep! Yours truly :)
So okay, now that I've gotten this positively focused philosophizing bug out of my system, let's get on to crazy stuff that took place while I was writing NGUOUY Part 45:
July 2013 On most occasions when we four gather for dinner
I am really bummed! Really bummed! Can you guess why?
While editing this post, the first half of it magically disappeared!
I know it was magic at work, because
One second all of my input was on my screen; then—
Poof! the first half was gone, no puff of smoke or
Any lingering sign of its prior existence to be seen …
Suddenly, this brings to mind the day I lost my dad …
Though this beloved person is no longer in my presence …
My spirit senses the presence of his spirit smiling while
His arms open wide, welcoming me to
Glide lovingly into the warmth of his embrace
And while this magical train of thought
Runs through the imaginative side of my mind
I picture us holding each other so close as to
Feel the beat of each other's heart ...
And somehow …
As I feel so enveloped within his love
My longing for this irreplaceable person feels momentarily assuaged
And as long as my soul feels contentedly connected with his
All is well with my little corner of the world, suggesting that …
All of me feels so deeply loved by my loved one that
My mind fills with inner peace
And thus do I rest my case, concerning
The magical, enchanting nature of my mind—and yours :)
On this day when Will and I are about to impart
Unwelcome news to our second born son
The sun, which rises in the east, is in the process of setting in the west
And as I stand, looking out of the wall of floor to ceiling windows
That run all along the west side of our living room
My heart can't help but smile as my mind's eye absorbs
The magnetic power of today's glorious sunset ...
Sweeping across the desert sky …
Changing colors, magically before my eyes
And as the majestic nature of Mother Nature's magnificent sunset
Couples with the fact that Steven will soon
Walk through our front door
A memory of another magical moment with Steven comes to mind:
My twenty two year old son, soon to graduate from college
Is about to move into the very apartment that
I had just moved out of ...
And as we are in my car
Transporting my clothing from this apartment—
Which had sheltered my heart during a very sad time—
Back to my bedroom closet in our family's home
Steven, who is driving, gazes up at
The burning hues of color painted across
The magnificence of that early evening's desert sky
And signaling me to connect with the magical nature
Of this fleeting moment in time, which
Charms both mother and son
I find myself in speechless agreement
When Steven breaks the silence by saying:
This incredible sunset must be God's way of saying …
Sorry for have given you such a goddamned hot, dusty day!
And while that twenty year old memory
Lingers in this evening's hot summer air
The doorbell rings, restoring my awareness to the present
And after hugging Celina and Steven close to my heart
We three walk somberly through the living room and dining room
To find Will, who is sitting, holding his book
In his favorite chair, situated in the library/family room/kitchen
Next thing we know, we four are taking turns
Hugging each other so close as to feel the beat of each other's hearts
Each time we come together for dinner
Celina and I enjoy a glass of wine
Her preference red, my preference white
Tonight is different from all other nights for this reason:
Wine is poured and downed, all around
Then, refilling our glasses (not our common practice)
We four move as one into our living room with
No thoughts of watching T.V.
After Will replaces CD's on our stereo
Surround sound drowns out much of
The tension in the air by
Freshening our spirits with upbeat lyrics
(This surprises me, because, generally
I'm the one who floats music through the air; but then
We're always surprised by unexpected changes, right?)
Celina and Steven are sitting on their favorite love seat
Will and I are side by side on the couch when
My husband holds forth his glass of wine as do we three
And after Will pointedly toasts to good health
All four glasses come together with a solid clink as though
Signaling Will to express aloud that which
Everyone is quietly waiting to hear him say
And after listening intently to everything Will needs to say
Steven and Celina ask pertinent questions
To Which Will offers heartfelt, yet, professional answers
As for me, my mind's eye moves from one to another
Observing mortality's vulnerability gaining strength from
Eye to eye contact deepening
Heart to heart intimate connection with loved ones
And if you ask why I believe that's true, I'd reply:
It's clear that the heaviness of all four spirits
Feeling so lovingly supportive and supported
Are somehow lightening up
So that before too long …
Everyone's standing, and once again, hugging, before
Migrating, with arms wound round each other's waists
Into the kitchen where we're eating (who knows what?)
Smiling, laughing—suggesting that
Life is doing what it always does best when
The positive focus bug is biting—
Life is buoying our family toward whatever the future may hold
In our one-for-all-and-all-for-one fashion …
And at this evening's end
Will and I hug Celina and Steven good night at our door
Then, while holding each other before falling asleep,
My husband and I reassure each other that
They'll keep this news under their hats until
We return from imparting unwelcome information to their brothers …
And just before we drift off, like two spoons in a drawer
I think of how often life offers each of us
Reason to fortify our spirits with hearty injections
Of fully baked strengths, because …
God—it's hard to be bearers of bad tidings to those we love most …
Then, thank goodness, the postive focus bug bites me, again
Causing that last heavy thought to switches tracks …
And as my mind concentrates on the inner strengths of our sons
The smile in my heart pushes fear to one side
In favor of falling alseep more peacefully
Than had been true the night before …
Next up—Having packed
Plenty of inner strengths and postively focused attitudes
Will and I fly to the coast …
PS I've changed my mind
No reason to explain how this post got crazy—
Suffice to say that it did :)
If you've ever wondered how it feels to live with a cock-eyed optimist, I can tell you one thing for certain: No one who dwells under our roof feels down in the dumps, overlong. At least that's been true ever since the positive focus bug spied me swaying, back and forth, on my royal blue, pillowy patio swing. As a direct result of having been bitten by this bug, I couldn't help but sneeze my philosophy of life, all around town. Eventually, as one year rolled into the next, thousands of folk, who'd enrolled in my classes and opened their minds to absorbing five simple tools, which turn frowns into smiles, implored me to write my stories until, finally, my mind felt inspired to breathe life into this blog :)
Though I write about developing a healthy awareness concerning the ways in which vulnerabilities and strengths fit into the greater scheme of fantasy vs. reality—I enjoy the fact that many peg me as being an outgoing, exceptionally social, positively focused, Pollyana kind of person, both professionally and personally. On the other hand, reality has blown me over enough times to have inspired the introspective side of my mind to demand equal space inside my head, which is why this cock-eyed optimist's heartfelt outlook on life has come to value the concept of balance in all things—suggesting that I openly express moments of sadness along with experiences, which buoy my spirit with boundless expressions of joy. If you scratch your head while asking whether any middle ground exists inside my mind, I'd reply: Middle ground is where my memories are stored—and since it's my choice to recall which memories to withdraw, most especially when my heart is in need of healing, it's my habit to set aside memories of sadness in favor of revisiting countless moments when my spirit had reason to soar with excitement, born of pure joy. I guess you could say it's the Pollyana side of me that fervently believes in Annie's song: The Sun Will Come Out, Tomorrow :)
As those of you who've come to know me intimately might agree, this cockeyed optimistic trait of mine is not irrational, at all, and I honestly declare that to be true with eyes open wide for this reason: My NGU sense of optimism is not based in make believe but rather in another trait that I've worked tirelessly to develop—namely, self trust—which continues to deepen for this reason: Each time I work to attain a long range goal, which, being beyond my reach, makes doubtful Thomas's nudge each other while rolling their eyes, the wider grows my Mona Lisa smile. Why? Because—just as I imagine how many eyes must have rolled before an Earthling was actually launched into space, landed on target and took a small step for wo/mankind while shaking hands with the man in the moon—I imagine my present endeavors proving successful as the magical (creative) side of my mind moves forward along this positively focused path, one infintesimal step at a time :)
Seriously, have you got a clue as to what unexpected miraculous adventure the future may hold for you? I certainly don't. Even so, each time I awaken to a new day, guess who's hoping for the best? Yep! Yours truly :)
So okay, now that I've gotten this positively focused philosophizing bug out of my system, let's get on to crazy stuff that took place while I was writing NGUOUY Part 45:
July 2013 On most occasions when we four gather for dinner
I am really bummed! Really bummed! Can you guess why?
While editing this post, the first half of it magically disappeared!
I know it was magic at work, because
One second all of my input was on my screen; then—
Poof! the first half was gone, no puff of smoke or
Any lingering sign of its prior existence to be seen …
Suddenly, this brings to mind the day I lost my dad …
Though this beloved person is no longer in my presence …
My spirit senses the presence of his spirit smiling while
His arms open wide, welcoming me to
Glide lovingly into the warmth of his embrace
And while this magical train of thought
Runs through the imaginative side of my mind
I picture us holding each other so close as to
Feel the beat of each other's heart ...
And somehow …
As I feel so enveloped within his love
My longing for this irreplaceable person feels momentarily assuaged
And as long as my soul feels contentedly connected with his
All is well with my little corner of the world, suggesting that …
All of me feels so deeply loved by my loved one that
My mind fills with inner peace
And thus do I rest my case, concerning
The magical, enchanting nature of my mind—and yours :)
On this day when Will and I are about to impart
Unwelcome news to our second born son
The sun, which rises in the east, is in the process of setting in the west
And as I stand, looking out of the wall of floor to ceiling windows
That run all along the west side of our living room
My heart can't help but smile as my mind's eye absorbs
The magnetic power of today's glorious sunset ...
Sweeping across the desert sky …
Changing colors, magically before my eyes
And as the majestic nature of Mother Nature's magnificent sunset
Couples with the fact that Steven will soon
Walk through our front door
A memory of another magical moment with Steven comes to mind:
My twenty two year old son, soon to graduate from college
Is about to move into the very apartment that
I had just moved out of ...
And as we are in my car
Transporting my clothing from this apartment—
Which had sheltered my heart during a very sad time—
Back to my bedroom closet in our family's home
Steven, who is driving, gazes up at
The burning hues of color painted across
The magnificence of that early evening's desert sky
And signaling me to connect with the magical nature
Of this fleeting moment in time, which
Charms both mother and son
I find myself in speechless agreement
When Steven breaks the silence by saying:
This incredible sunset must be God's way of saying …
Sorry for have given you such a goddamned hot, dusty day!
And while that twenty year old memory
Lingers in this evening's hot summer air
The doorbell rings, restoring my awareness to the present
And after hugging Celina and Steven close to my heart
We three walk somberly through the living room and dining room
To find Will, who is sitting, holding his book
In his favorite chair, situated in the library/family room/kitchen
Next thing we know, we four are taking turns
Hugging each other so close as to feel the beat of each other's hearts
Each time we come together for dinner
Celina and I enjoy a glass of wine
Her preference red, my preference white
Tonight is different from all other nights for this reason:
Wine is poured and downed, all around
Then, refilling our glasses (not our common practice)
We four move as one into our living room with
No thoughts of watching T.V.
After Will replaces CD's on our stereo
Surround sound drowns out much of
The tension in the air by
Freshening our spirits with upbeat lyrics
(This surprises me, because, generally
I'm the one who floats music through the air; but then
We're always surprised by unexpected changes, right?)
Celina and Steven are sitting on their favorite love seat
Will and I are side by side on the couch when
My husband holds forth his glass of wine as do we three
And after Will pointedly toasts to good health
All four glasses come together with a solid clink as though
Signaling Will to express aloud that which
Everyone is quietly waiting to hear him say
And after listening intently to everything Will needs to say
Steven and Celina ask pertinent questions
To Which Will offers heartfelt, yet, professional answers
As for me, my mind's eye moves from one to another
Observing mortality's vulnerability gaining strength from
Eye to eye contact deepening
Heart to heart intimate connection with loved ones
And if you ask why I believe that's true, I'd reply:
It's clear that the heaviness of all four spirits
Feeling so lovingly supportive and supported
Are somehow lightening up
So that before too long …
Everyone's standing, and once again, hugging, before
Migrating, with arms wound round each other's waists
Into the kitchen where we're eating (who knows what?)
Smiling, laughing—suggesting that
Life is doing what it always does best when
The positive focus bug is biting—
Life is buoying our family toward whatever the future may hold
In our one-for-all-and-all-for-one fashion …
And at this evening's end
Will and I hug Celina and Steven good night at our door
Then, while holding each other before falling asleep,
My husband and I reassure each other that
They'll keep this news under their hats until
We return from imparting unwelcome information to their brothers …
And just before we drift off, like two spoons in a drawer
I think of how often life offers each of us
Reason to fortify our spirits with hearty injections
Of fully baked strengths, because …
God—it's hard to be bearers of bad tidings to those we love most …
Then, thank goodness, the postive focus bug bites me, again
Causing that last heavy thought to switches tracks …
And as my mind concentrates on the inner strengths of our sons
The smile in my heart pushes fear to one side
In favor of falling alseep more peacefully
Than had been true the night before …
Next up—Having packed
Plenty of inner strengths and postively focused attitudes
Will and I fly to the coast …
PS I've changed my mind
No reason to explain how this post got crazy—
Suffice to say that it did :)
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